AIBU - kids sleeping over at GP’s

[Chiavennasca]

My 2 boys, aged 4 & 8, love staying at their GP’s house (DH’s parents.) They stay over every Friday after school. Me and DH love the child free night and usually pick them up the next day about 1/2pm.

here’s my problem. I know they love being fun grandparents, and I get it but sometimes I do wish they would “adult” a bit more. They don’t put them to bed at all, there is no bed time, they get to lie in bed and watch tv till they fall asleep. This is usually after midnight. But both my boys are early risers so they’re still up at 8am the following morning. This means when I pick them up the rest of Saturday is spent with angry, overtired children. but GPs see it as a fun thing “no bed time at Gran and Papas woohoo!” For note - they are both retired and complete night owls themselves.

my other issue is food. Again, they are coming at the angle of being fun grandparents so every meal seems to be optional. Today, MIL said to me “we offered DC (8) x y and z for breakfast but he didn’t want any of it - so he ended up having a packet of wotsits!” I don’t give my DC a choice for breakfast they eat what’s set down in front of them. I know for a fact if she’d given my DC toast or cereal or whatever without question he’d have eaten it.

after we picked them up today, at 2pm, both DCs were hungry (both only had snacks all day - was told sandwiches were made but not eaten) and overtired and crabby. Honestly the rest of the day was a right off and now they’ve both had to go to bed super early on a Saturday night to catch up on sleep. I’m exhausted. For reference - both kids are genuinely super easy go with the flow kids.

I said to my DH that I think we need a break from sleepovers. They are our only outside childcare so they don’t sleepover anywhere else. Me and DH do love the time alone together on a Friday night / sat morning but honestly I don’t think it’s worth it for how rubbish the rest of our Saturday ends up being.

AIBU?

Maybe the GP's find having them exhausting so leave them to their own devices.
If you picked them up earlier on the Saturday, you could tailor their day so they aren't so exhausted.

It sounds like you've slid into a situation where they're doing a lot of childcare for quite young children. I wonder if it's more tiring than they're letting on? Maybe they're playing the role of "fun" (lax) grandparents in the hope you'll pull back a bit, without them having to ask you.

Your 8yt old will be at school Monday to Friday, I don't know if you and your hubby work but assuming at least he does, you only have one full day with your son a week. I couldn't do that. I don't see why people have children then hand them over to others to bring up.

Yabu.

• You have free childcare for 15% of the week, allowing you to have down time/date night/breathing space.
• your children have grandparents who love them
• your children have grandparents who are great fun
• your children have grandparents who want to spend time with them and to be seen as fun

Grandparents are supposed to be rule breakers.
If the kids being tired and grouchy, then you're right, you need to have a break.

But have you told them the kids are shattered etc?
The huge issue is that they will possibly take offence at the criticism/rejection

It's a very easy fix OP.
You know it is.
You need to decide if your weekly child free night is worth the perceived aggravation.
If not, you stop the GPs babysitting every week

It's very, very simple.

I bet when they are older they will look back and think it was awesome.
Don't worry about it. It’s their relationship with them and they sound fun.

Harsh. It’s their grandparents. You know village and all that.

💯💯

Our kids are young for such a short amount of time that I would just let it go. When you are a parent it seems like forever that they are little. But as a Granny now myself you realise how quick those years go. We have our 5 year old Grandson and his siblings (stepGC) regularly for sleepovers. We are young Grandparents and quite fun. And they absolutely love it. We do have a bedtime routine and eat proper meals but to be honest it wouldn’t be the end of the world if this didn’t happen. As long as they are well behaved, healthy, fun loving kids then I would let it go. You get a night and (more importantly) and morning lay in with your DH. Your boys are safe with their GP and making memories that will last forever. At 48 I still remember fondly weekends at my GP. Trust me just go with the flow and know it will benefit your boys in the long run. And I am sorry to hear about your Mum.

Just look after your own kids or deal with the fact they have different rules.
Most parents dont get a night off ever so you have let's face it friday and most of Saturday child free every week is a luxury.

Unfortunately I dont think you can have it both ways. You've got the parents you've got. That is the free childcare they provide. No its not ideal but they aren't mary Poppins they are retired people doing it for free because they think its fun.
They aren't really putting the kids in danger they just aren't doing what you would do.
Its the cost of you getting some free time with your partner.

My mum looks after all 3 of my kids sometimes and no she doesn't do it how I would do it. But it wouldn't even occur to me to criticise (unless she was doing something dangerous) because im just so grateful for the free childcare and the time I can spend with my DH.

If you want things done exactly how you want you'll probably need to pay a babysitter or nanny.

Just say you need them to get to bed earlier and to eat something more substantial because they are a wreck on Saturday which means no outings and early bedtimes to make up for their night out.
If you can't say that, then stop making it an every Friday thing and tell the GP's the kids are wrecked on Saturdays which means no family outings on Saturdays.
You must say it one way or another.

I think every week is rather a lot to expect anyway and I would consider that pretty unusual. You are incredibly lucky that they are so willing to look after them fornyou so regularly. Although, for me, I would not like to have dd away so often.

Also, 8am is not an early rising child, that still seems like a fair amount of sleep at the weekend and it is normal to have treats when staying at grandparent's homes. Could they visit once a week and stay every other week as a middle ground perhaps?

My SiL never put her kids to bed until midnight or later and then they were grumpy and miserable the whole of the next day. It made every visit really unpleasant. I couldn’t say anything as she is super sensitive so we stopped going to stay. Can’t you tell grandparents there is a new curfew for bed because of tiredness and a reasonable breakfast needs to be given, not offered? I wouldn’t want my kids eating Wotsits as a routine offering, especially first thing.

If the children have plans on Saturday afternoon, and need to be in good form, it would be reasonable to let the GP know beforehand to keep a stricter routine that weekend. Also, it lets you gently put the bug into their ears that they are coming back tired and worn out on Saturdays.

As someone who wishes my kids had more of a relationship with their GPs, I would not let this stop the sleepovers. Get your DH to have a word about the knock on effect of the late nights but other than that I think your kids are lucky to have such fun and interested GPs and you are lucky to have the childcare.

One night a week and someone else is bringing them up? Honestly, some of the comments are wild. Lots of children enjoy spending time with their grandparents and it’s great the parents have one night a week to spend together, as a couple, not just parents. If they were there all weekend maybe you’d have a point, but one night? Honestly.

I understand the "fun GPs" thing but feeding them snacks and dumping them in front of the TV every Friday sounds also like a very lazy approach to "spending time with your grandchildren".
I'm sure its fine once in a while, but every Friday can't be that much fun for your children either.

Are they actually cooking meals the kids like? And if Friday evenings are just about watching TV, then are they doing anything fun or active on Saturday mornings?

This.
I had exactly the same, we would bake cakes and my Nan let me eat the icing out of the bowl 🤣
it was like I had a bonus set of parents, and I wish my kids could have the same with their GP but sadly they don’t.

I miss my nan and grandad so much x

Ah the amount of bitter posters because you have wonderful hands on GP that enjoy having their GC so regularly.

OP I think what a blessing for all, they will grow up to have a wonderful relationship with their grandparents. Take it from someone who saw my GP 4 times a year due to distance, I’d have loved to spend more time with them and have frequent sleep overs etc.

However, because it’s so regular you do need to have a word with GP and just explain it’s not a critism… just that GC seem a bit tired etc for the rest of the weekend and could we try this approach to see if it changes anything… they may very well take offence but no harm in trying. If they say no I’d reduce it to 2 weekends a month maybe instead?

I don’t have a neurological condition and I thought the same 😂

Don't be absurd

I think weekends are so important with kids this age and if the Saturdays are being ruined then its not worth it. I also wonder at what age they'll start pushing back.... Expecting crisps for breakfast and saying up until midnight.

I'd go with this. If they then say they can't cope they might be prepared to do what you ask re bedtime at least.

They’re your children. The only people overstepping are your in laws. They already know they’re doing a very bad job re food and sleep so they don’t need to be told to stop. Get your husband to tell his parents that there won’t be any more sleepovers and stick to this.