AIBU - kids sleeping over at GP’s

[Chiavennasca]

My 2 boys, aged 4 & 8, love staying at their GP’s house (DH’s parents.) They stay over every Friday after school. Me and DH love the child free night and usually pick them up the next day about 1/2pm.

here’s my problem. I know they love being fun grandparents, and I get it but sometimes I do wish they would “adult” a bit more. They don’t put them to bed at all, there is no bed time, they get to lie in bed and watch tv till they fall asleep. This is usually after midnight. But both my boys are early risers so they’re still up at 8am the following morning. This means when I pick them up the rest of Saturday is spent with angry, overtired children. but GPs see it as a fun thing “no bed time at Gran and Papas woohoo!” For note - they are both retired and complete night owls themselves.

my other issue is food. Again, they are coming at the angle of being fun grandparents so every meal seems to be optional. Today, MIL said to me “we offered DC (8) x y and z for breakfast but he didn’t want any of it - so he ended up having a packet of wotsits!” I don’t give my DC a choice for breakfast they eat what’s set down in front of them. I know for a fact if she’d given my DC toast or cereal or whatever without question he’d have eaten it.

after we picked them up today, at 2pm, both DCs were hungry (both only had snacks all day - was told sandwiches were made but not eaten) and overtired and crabby. Honestly the rest of the day was a right off and now they’ve both had to go to bed super early on a Saturday night to catch up on sleep. I’m exhausted. For reference - both kids are genuinely super easy go with the flow kids.

I said to my DH that I think we need a break from sleepovers. They are our only outside childcare so they don’t sleepover anywhere else. Me and DH do love the time alone together on a Friday night / sat morning but honestly I don’t think it’s worth it for how rubbish the rest of our Saturday ends up being.

AIBU?

Well I guess you have to decide if its worth it. Or if changes can be made your end to make it work better, such as accepting Saturday will be a slow one with an early bed. Because realistically you're probably not going to change the GP.

lol boohoo

I've had my GS for sleep overs every Friday for the last 5 years. He's 10 now. He has pizza on a Friday night and that's ok with my daughter as she feeds him good home cooked healthy meals the rest of the week. He does like his sleep though so is in bed when he's tired but we don't have a strict routine regarding sleep. He's still up with the lark on a Saturday morning and has either cereal with us or goes home for a cooked breakfast. My daughter also works full-time so I do after school run and care until she's home so I've always been a very hands on nan but if my daughter wasn't happy about something I would listen to her. So maybe approach them with things that are bothering you. I totally agree about them not having crisps for breakfast and maybe getting them to bed a little earlier but at the end of the day they'll see gps as a place where rules slightly differ to home. I think that's how most gps I know and I've had myself have always been.

If you choose to be part time parents then I guess you hand over parenting responsibilities to the gps.

I'm sorry but when I first read the headline I was like "what? Why would the kids be sleeping at the doctors???"

(I have a neurological condition before anyone comes for me 😂😂)

YABU
No major rules being broken and no school the next day.
For your kids and their GPS, it is a fun, chilled out time which will create wonderful memories.
Win, win for all

Really? You're pretending that's what she said?

This made me laugh haha!

Part time parents 😂 have a day off lol

I know, I know! This is what half my brain says. We are all routined through the week so is it so bad to have a laid back 24 hours.

I think I made it worse today because we picked them up then had to take one of the DCs for an eye test and then went a food shop. I think my plan going forward might be picking them up earlier and coming straight home. My DH suggested this and letting them both nap so we can then still have a nice Saturday night.

every Friday?? Weekends are important to kids. Mine love a Friday as I'm more relaxed and we have little treats/watch a family movie. Same with satuday mornings and afternoon. I love that time with them. I can't believe the grandparents dominate the weekend like this. Like do you not feel like you're missing out?

No, Saturday 2pm. Do try to keep up.

I disagree, it’s not good for dc to be so unregulated for that long every week. It would be out of the question for us- it would be I get you want to be fun grandma and grandpa but the reason it’s ok to be fun grandma and grandpa is because it’s only occasionally- they can’t do a night a week like this with no bedtime and junk food. We can continue with the sleepovers perhaps as often as once a month and see how it goes, if they start Saturday sports it might be difficult to keep going as they will need a good sleep and healthy dinner and breakfast.

if it’s a night a week it has to be proper care.

What if you put a stop to the Friday night sleepovers and it turns out your kids are still grumpy on Saturdays 🫨🤣 I would cut it back to once a fortnight, gives the kids a chance to have a full weekend at home and relieves the duties on the grandparents a bit too.

How about every 2nd weekend and fine to watch a film or something but 10pm is a cut off for bedtime. Instead of wotsits maybe they could help make pancakes for breakfast? Neither of our GPs would consider staying up late with TV and wotsits for breakfast yet DC love staying. They choose an age appropriate film with snacks and have usual breakfast or pancakes then go for walk or play games if wet.

Again, why the need to "be blunt?"

It's perfectly possible to just have a normal, pleasant conversation with them to ask for a bedtime limit and no snacks instead of breakfast.

My grandkids frequently have sleepovers with me, and if my DD wants anything different from the usual, she just communicates with me in her normal friendly way.

There's absolutely nothing in OP 's posts to suggest that they won't listen and comply. It's just never been suggested to them that doing things differently would be beneficial.

GPS aren't dominating children's lives, they are enriching it.
The chilled out times you refer to can be done on another night, Sunday perhaps.
I think the arrangement sounds brilliant and the kids will benefit hughly from it.

It will be ‘blunt’ as they don’t really want to. It’s less fun if you have to have rules and say bedtime now and no youre eating a healthy breakfast.

This 100%

Sunday night before school? Not a chill out night for many families, it’s a school night. Saturday night is out as the kids are too tired from Friday night.

I'd leave them with GP for a Sat as well and pick them up Sunday... The GP's will get the gist 😜

There is usually a sacrifice for free childcare epically with fun grandparents, I get it is impacting your next day but I think you would really see a shift in your wellbeing not having your one night and morning off a week. It’s a very kind thing they are doing for you, I can count on one hand the amount of times my kids have stayed at theirs.

Tell them you appreciate all their help and support, that the DGC adore them and thrive in their relationship with them, but from now X o’clock bedtime will have to be a priority as otherwise it’s detrimental.
Ignore the food issue. There’s a DGP in our family who only ever serves chicken nuggets, chips and baked beans followed by sweets for dessert. All nine DGC have survived and no DP complains.

Fun ‘no rules haha’ is bearable once every 6 months. Every week it becomes part of a neglectful routine: they are not meeting the children’s needs. I would put a stop to this on that basis. Just tell them the kids need a more structured weekend and so no sleepovers for a while.

I would ask the grandparents to move the laying in bed up a bit so they're asleep by 10. That's still 10 hours of sleep and should help. I wouldn't worry about the food. Just plan to feed them lunch or a substantial snack when you pick them up.