Really disturbed by response to this horrible incident

[Xoxka]

Recently I was at Kings Cross. On my way to meet a friend. When this middle aged guy saw me and said something along the lines of “oh my god how beautiful, her face”. The two younger guys who he was with had to physically restrain him ans he was trying to walk in my direction. And they honestly were struggling. They were maybe 10 metres away from me but I was genuinely afraid. I’m 27 and incredibly active but only 5 ft 3. I was surrounded by people but worried I was going to be groped. Plus I really don’t like drawing any attention whatsoever if I can help it. Naturally VERY shy.

Ive recounted this incident to three people (all women of varying ages) and they’ve all mentioned the part about me being called beautiful. Like it’s a compliment. Ie that should be the takeaway. The man was physically intimidating to me! I was genuinely scared I was going to be attacked.

I just find this response very very depressing. Would the women around you not express sympathy if you were to tell them of a similar encounter?

I was in a pharmacy a few days ago, when a meth head stood right behind me, breathing down my neck. When I turned to see what was happening, he grinned at me manically, with wide, mad eyes. It wasn't a kind smile, although clueless to what he was trying to convey. Maybe he wanted to push in line and get his dose quicker? The point is, it was odd and on the unpleasant side, but so what? Nothing actually happened - it's unfortunate but there are odd and unpleasant people all over the place (with varying levels of MH issues) but it's best not to dwell on it too much, because it would take up all your headspace.

I imagine your friends were being flippant because the alternative is to label yourself A Victim, and what does it achieve? Transport police won't care as they have bigger fish to fry. So your choice is to shrug it off and get on with your day, or worry and get upset.

It doesn't. The 2 PAs do.

Well it’s obviously terrifying. And also rather naive to think this man is going to be accompanied 24/7 never to step in public alone for the rest of his life.

You absolutely are victim blaming.

If a man needs two carers to restrain him when he's out in public so he doesn't attack women, he shouldn't be out in public. I don't care what the reasons are. Women are not support humans and background cast for problematic men.

I personally don't buy that this was the case by the way. I live next to a community of adults with learning difficulties and trust me, none of them have 2 on 1 carers.

Oh yeah, remember when Axel Rubakubana was reported by his school and parents to the authorities as a danger to the public and they sent round 2 full time security guards to make sure he didn't attack anyone and everyone lived happily ever after?

But who’s to say he was going to attack anyone? I’ve seen many individuals out with two carers. Just because you haven’t doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It’s probably more for the individuals safety than others.

Don’t be ridiculous, of course I’m not! Have you got nothing better to add?

I agree. It’s not a compliment to enforce your presence on a stranger and make them feel uncomfortable.

Cat-calling and hassling lone women isn’t about complimenting them. He was being held back by two other men - he knew he wasn’t trying to be nice. I think these men are aware it’s about being intimidating - there’s no way he was oblivious to how he was making someone feel

To be clear, it's not HIS behaviour that is saying to me he is disabled, it's the behaviour of the men with him.

I could go on and on but I think my first comment nailed it.

I've seen severely mentally impaired adults out with two carers who restrained them when they became agitated before. They are people and deserve to go out and live a life of sorts as much as everyone else, you can't just lock them inside for their whole life and call it a done job because they inconvenience other people!

🙄

Unless your privy to all the risk assessments of the people thst live there you can't possibly know, that.

Roll your eyes all you want. That poster shared a horrible incident that happened to her daughter and all someone can say is a sarcastic comment about leaving Air Drop on.

That must’ve been horrible OP. Some of these men are out of control, and very very scary. x

If course it's not a compliment and I'd be furious if that's what my so called friends said in response to a description of a horrible moment when you felt really scared.
I honestly think the man must have lacked capacity in some way to have behaved in such a bizarre way.
You probably should have reported it but in the moment you wisely simply decided to make yourself safe.

I’m sorry but my first thought was learning disability too. The way he acted and the fact you mentioned he was with 2 younger males makes me think he might have been a mental health offender (maybe sex offender, from his behaviour?) who was out on escorted community leave. That encounter would shake me up too, and I would not take it as a compliment, it just objectifies and would make me feel yuk. I’m really sorry you had to go through that.

Don t get into alarm mode all the time, because then you don’t learn to recognise real danger and you live in constant anxiety and paranoia.

Plenty of men are dangerous, but being afraid of all men or letting oneself be overwhelmed by fear when something like this happens (unnerving definitely but actually there was no direct risk) is not the best solution.

Being scared makes you a lot more vulnerable, because your brain stops working. And more often than not, when afraid, women freeze rather than flight or fight.

Predators look for weakness, ppl who will be afraid of them, that’s how they choose you and not someone else. Being easily afraid doesn’t make you safe. The opposite.

Talking from experience.

Have all of these men got Mental Health problems (eta: taken from another thread on MN atm)..

https://thecritic.co.uk/germany-is-acknowledging-the-unspeakable/

‘The Germany-wide statistics on sexual violence were also sobering. An internal study by the German federal law enforcement agency, leaked to a Zurich newspaper, revealed that asylum-seekers have committed some 7,000 sexual assaults (ranging from groping to gang-rape ) between 2015 and 2023. Although they make up only 2.5 per cent of the population, asylum-seekers made up 13.1 per cent of all sexual-assault suspects in 2021.

In 2023, there were 761 gang-rapes registered in Germany — almost two per day; 47.5 per cent of the suspects were foreigners. The frequency of such crimes — which were rare in Germany as late as the 1990s — has hovered between 600 and 800 per year for the past 7 years. The statistics go on for page after mind-numbing (or mind-boggling) page. Berlin’s police chief delivered the upshot: “Bluntly stated, our numbers show that violence in Berlin is young, male, and has a non-German background.” What is straining German law enforcement (and society) is the sheer number of young male asylum-seekers. Germany famously relaxed its border controls in 2015-2016, permitting an influx of some 1.3 million people from countries such as Syria, Afghanistan, Iran, and Turkey.

Then as now, about 70 per cent of asylum-seekers were male and most are under 35 years old.Current numbers are off this peak but still high: in 2023, 351,000 asylum-seekers entered Germany, more than the population of Germany’s former capital Bonn. Most of these men have no German skills, little education (a 2016 study revealed only 34 per cent could read the Latin alphabet), no experience with alcohol, and no experience interacting with women not related to them.’

This Germany obviously but the UK isn’t much different.

I left the comment about AirDrop and it wasn’t a sarky comment, I think it was a reasonable comment about keeping it switched off for privacy and safety which I obviously wrongly assumed most do 🤷🏻‍♀️

How on earth would you know these guys were family, and not carers??!

I know you did. But the shrug emoji and how you worded it wasn’t nice ..as the poster whose daughter it happened to has already pointed out.

Are all those men being escorted by two individuals, who immediately restrain them when they mske inappropriate comments ?
Thats what's sticks out for me .

'Seriously! I’m sorry but now you’re being absolutely ridiculous!'

'I think you’re overdramatising the whole situation'

You weren't there. She was.

But I'm sure she feels blessed that you shared. Your wisdom is a gift.

🙄