Really disturbed by response to this horrible incident

[Xoxka]

Recently I was at Kings Cross. On my way to meet a friend. When this middle aged guy saw me and said something along the lines of “oh my god how beautiful, her face”. The two younger guys who he was with had to physically restrain him ans he was trying to walk in my direction. And they honestly were struggling. They were maybe 10 metres away from me but I was genuinely afraid. I’m 27 and incredibly active but only 5 ft 3. I was surrounded by people but worried I was going to be groped. Plus I really don’t like drawing any attention whatsoever if I can help it. Naturally VERY shy.

Ive recounted this incident to three people (all women of varying ages) and they’ve all mentioned the part about me being called beautiful. Like it’s a compliment. Ie that should be the takeaway. The man was physically intimidating to me! I was genuinely scared I was going to be attacked.

I just find this response very very depressing. Would the women around you not express sympathy if you were to tell them of a similar encounter?

I suppose being incredibly attractive must be really difficult sometimes 😔

Yes I don’t think the woman I know would focus on the so-called compliment part. This random older man loudly calling you beautiful and trying to approach you as a lone young woman isn’t good in any way. It sounds scary. Sorry that happened to you. YANBU

Pp saying he was intellectually disabled or had MH issues. IMO whether he did or he didn’t, it’s still incredibly frightening. I remember in my late 20s a family friends cousin who was non-verbal and autistic terrified me. He kept staring at me while I was at their house visiting with my friend and moving closer and bursting out into laughter.

He was 18 but a big lad and at one point out of the blue he lunged at me. My family friend got in between us and when I asked what was that all about, she said he had a habit of touching women inappropriately and she could see he was going for my (very large) boobs. So that’s probably what he staring at all that time.

I get he may not have understood what he was doing was wrong and may find it difficult to deal with puberty and his urges or whatever, but it was still incredibly scary and intimidating. I kept one eye on him the whole time I was there and was relieved when we left.

Honestly if you are sexually assaulted, it’s no comfort to hear the man didn’t really understand what he’s doing.

That's your response? God you sound vile

Btw I’m a woman of colour (mixed race). I didn’t want to mention the background of these men as I knew it would distract. Hopefully you can see I don’t initially share that detail. No one in my life would be call me racist.

I genuinely thought I was about to be groped. Are you ok??

Totally unacceptable - his behaviour and your friends' reactions. I'm much older (and taller) than you but something similar happened to me in a London supermarket many years ago. A guy followed me around, saying, 'Hey Slim! You're so beautiful!' It doesn't sound much but, repeated over and over, it was really frightening. My friends took it seriously when I told them about it but no-one (this was the 90s) suggested I should report it. I would now - and so should you if something similar happens again. Enough with this fuckwitted idea that calling someone beautiful is an unreserved, unequivocal, gotta-be-grateful-for compliment.

Why just no?

Mental illness doesn't just consist of anxiety and depression, some conditions affect a person's inhibitions, and can make them do and say all kinds of inappropriate things same with someone with learning disabilities
Given he was immediately restrained its very possible he does have some kind of impairment.

Eww, so he was racist too

Yep, as a junior doctor on a ward round the consultant put his hand up my shirt and squeezed by boob, laughed and said “couldn’t resist”, and everyone giggled.

This sounds very much like the behaviour of a man my DP was PA to. He was 2 on 1 support and very socially and sexually disinhibited. They often had to restrain him.

The fact that the 2 younger guys immediately grabbed him says to me that they predicted what was about to happen and where trained to respond. Otherwise surely they'd have been more "what the fuck Dave" or not reacted as quickly.

Sorry you were scared but it does sound like he isnt well and the PAs kept you safe.

From 10 metres away?

All those saying he was probably mentally ill etc... it doesn't give him the right to terrorise women. He shouldn't be out in public if he's having to be restrained by two men.

OP should work a bit on her resilience and comfort zone, unpleasant and awful and men etc, yes, but her being “genuinely afraid” in a place full of people while the guy is far away and being immediately restrained is BU

Ignore comments like this, OP. Some women are so male centred and desperate for male validation they see all male attention as a positive. It’s pathetic.

Similarly some men even in 2026 still seem to think women are going to love their “compliments” too and appear to think it’s their right to give them.

the younger men were struggling to hold him. I was worried he would get to me and do something. You hear of so many horror stories that take place in crowded places/daylight.

You and I lived in a very different London in the 90s! That doesn’t make it OK, but the first time someone asked me if I was OK after someone grabbed my boobs I was so confused, it was around 1999. Someone once put their penis on my shoulder on a packed tube ( I was sitting and he was standing), not a single person said anything.

I was harassed, cat called, groped on at least a weekly basis and it was expected that women just quietly accepted it.

I’m so proud of the younger generation now that they don’t just put up with that shit but when people say it wasn’t normal then - it absolutely was for everyone I know.

Nobody is saying it does and the fact that he might have had two carers with him recognise, s thst risk and they prevented an incident.

FFS are we supposed to lock people up with mental illness again in asylums to never see the light of day again, Jesus wept!

You can be victimised in a split second. What if the man grabbed at me? Even if he’s pulled off within .5 seconds that’s still traumatising.

Omg I can’t believe this thread.

So many people questioning why I felt intimidated in a public setting. I have to walk away from this thread.

Im so disturbed.

it feels really gaslight-y to assume bad behaviour= mh issues.

Im not saying he did or didn’t. But for so many to make that assumption this was entirely down to mh is just bizarre.

My first thought it was someone with a learning disability. I have a disabled child myself so do feel strongly that the man should be allowed to participate in life and be out and about- with carers to keep everyone safe. That by no means distracts from your experience of it though! You felt intimidated and that is valid. The reactions you have had put me in mind if that stupid saying boys are mean because they like you. It’s not a compliment if you feel intimidated and normalising accepting poor behaviour if it comes with a compliment is not acceptable

so many what if’s, but he didn’t grab you or touch you in any way

Oh sorry. I missed the part where we're being racist because he had an accident.

"What the fuck Sayed"

Men throw acid on women in public spaces. Men grope women in public spaces. A man pushed a woman into the path of a bus in a public space (Putney Bridge attack). A man coughed and spat on a female railway worker in a public space (her name was Belly Mujinga, she later died of COVID). Men trap and sexually assault women in public toilets (look up Daniel Odubanjo).

Many of these vile men will have started with more "low key" events (I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone that Wayne Couzens was a flasher before he became a rapist and murderer).

OP is not being unreasonable to have found this scary and distressing, just because it was in a public place.

Why is almost everyone missing the point of OPs post? She is asking about the response she got from women when she told them she felt intimidated and scared. Instead of comforting her, they said she should take it as a compliment.

Now, posters on here are finding all kinds of reasons and excuses for this man acting as he did.

Even if a mentally ill person intimidates a woman, the woman still feels intimidated and should be offered support.

OP, I’m sorry it happened to you and I’m sorry that the women around you and on here have reacted how they have.

Completely agree @AmberSpy and the post above me.

@Xoxka perhaps you should step away from this thread. You’re getting some very unpleasant and strange responses.

I know when you’ve been shaken up by a recent incident, the last thing you need is a bunch of people minimising and dismissing your experience. Especially when the people you know irl have kind of done the same thing too.

I once posted about a negative OLD experience with an extremely creepy guy and I had some awful responses in the first page that almost made me doubt myself, until thankfully some decent posters joined the discussion and showed some empathy.