Really disturbed by response to this horrible incident

[Xoxka]

Recently I was at Kings Cross. On my way to meet a friend. When this middle aged guy saw me and said something along the lines of “oh my god how beautiful, her face”. The two younger guys who he was with had to physically restrain him ans he was trying to walk in my direction. And they honestly were struggling. They were maybe 10 metres away from me but I was genuinely afraid. I’m 27 and incredibly active but only 5 ft 3. I was surrounded by people but worried I was going to be groped. Plus I really don’t like drawing any attention whatsoever if I can help it. Naturally VERY shy.

Ive recounted this incident to three people (all women of varying ages) and they’ve all mentioned the part about me being called beautiful. Like it’s a compliment. Ie that should be the takeaway. The man was physically intimidating to me! I was genuinely scared I was going to be attacked.

I just find this response very very depressing. Would the women around you not express sympathy if you were to tell them of a similar encounter?

OP, I live in London and have been here for over 30 years. Nothing about what he did is acceptable. It is not a compliment. My heart sinks when women say this kind of thing. It’s almost depresses me as much as the index offence does.

No man should make you feel uncomfortable like this. There was no need for him to behave in a threatening way. I don’t really care what the cause was, his behaviour was wrong and nobody should minimise it or accept it. There are many ways to give compliments. This is not one of them.

No excuse except for intellectually disabled, early dementia, etc which is why he had an escort of two younger men to ensure women were safe.

Let’s acknowledge the male behaviours of the other two men in this group of 3.

But behaving like this is so far beyond 'being a pest' and that is what people are picking up on, OP. You are right and there are men out there who behave inappropriately, but trying to get to you whilst exclaiming about your beauty, outside the realms of adverts for bodyspray, are really WAY beyond any kind of even normal male-pest levels.

Not victim blaming but then you victim blame.

Because not many men would feel the need to jointly pull back their 'friend' if they called someone beautiful. I know there are lots of bad men out there but even the bad ones wouldn't bother with a man who they needed to restrain in a train station. It would bring them too much trouble and be no fun.
It very much sounds like the man has a disability that means he needs 2:1 support and those two people are aware of indications that he is posing a risk, so therfore, restrained him.

This. They do actually have posters up saying it is not okay to sexually harass women on the tube.
Because it isn't.
At very least log your complaint with them and give a description of the man. If he has a habit of it, they might pursue it.
Things only change if we keep objecting to being objectified.

The incident itself is far more disturbing that the response.
Women are taught from babyhood that being pretty is desirable. Being stopped in the street by a man overcome by a woman's beauty is a familiar trope from adverts, films etc, since forever. When your friends heard of this, their minds jumped to the romanticised version and projected onto you their own feelings about being called beautiful, as a good thing, as we're taught that it is.
In doing so they overlooked the fear and intimidation you felt. While this is an oversight on their part, it's no way as disturbing as the fact there are men walking amongst us who need to be restrained by two other men when they see a woman they think attractive.
I'm sorry this happened to you and hate that the streets feel unsafe for women. But this isn't your friends fault, so try not to divert your feelings to them.

The responses from the women you have told are really odd. Why should you be pleased that some random man acted this way? As other have said, it’s possible he had some issues, but that’s not the point of your post, the point is the response from the women you have told, that you should take it as a compliment, as if you’re there to please men and you should be happy when you do. 🙄🙄🙄

It’s a genuine question though? Who leaves it on ? 🤷🏻‍♀️. Doesn’t everybody switch off those settings? until you need them? Maybe it’s just me? It’s best switched off for privacy and security.

The women who think catcalling and wolf whistling are compliments, are all over this thread.

You've just assumed that he had dementia or MH issues. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. We have absolutely no way of knowing. Being accompanied by two other men is not evidence either way.

You think people from other countries can't harass women in English? Are you particularly dim?

In what way?

He perhaps could have had learning disabilities, or maybe, had consumed too much alcohol or whatever.
Luckily, he had people with him that stopped him doing anything bad. 🌺

But it could explain why there were 2 men ‘with’ him, who apparently readily attempted (admittedly with evident effort) to physically stop/prevent him coming closer to you.

I haven't seen any evidence of that at all
People are just saying that the most probable scenario( given he was immediately restrained) was that he was impaired in some way

The immediate physical restraint suggests something amiss though. The fact the accompanying young men reacted like that suggests it was not the first time something like that had happened. The fact they restrained him suggests they knew they had to to stop him doing something bad. If it was 'just' a cultural thing and they weren't worried about what he might do, why would two men immediately react by restraining him?

Whether dementia or similar it doesn't lessen the impact on the OP of course, so is irrelevant in some respects.

That’s horrible you poor thing how scary

Because looking at someone and deciding that he was from a particular country or set of countries is inherently racist. Especially in London if he was not Caucasian he could still very well be born and bred here and from parents/grandparents/great grandparents who were born here.

Like many others it sounds to me like for whatever reason he was out with carers.

I'm quite surprised that in a busy station, ten metres away, you heard what he said. Did he shout it out?
I think it was highly unlikely he would have groped you if he was with 2 other people. But if you felt intimidated then should report to British transport police as pp have said.

How utterly disgusting. Depraved!

But that doesn’t explain the reactions of the women OP has told saying it’s a compliment, which is what OP is asking about.

Oh give over! Nobody has said that and I don't know a single woman who thinks those things are acceptable.

Maybe the problem here is that you jump to conclusions and patronise women. Good call!

Yeah that horrible. I hope you told police non emergency. Once you were safe. I'm not minimising it but Kings X in the 80s was literally a danger zone for anyone female. You'd be surprised that it used to be so much worse.