Really disturbed by response to this horrible incident

[Xoxka]

Recently I was at Kings Cross. On my way to meet a friend. When this middle aged guy saw me and said something along the lines of “oh my god how beautiful, her face”. The two younger guys who he was with had to physically restrain him ans he was trying to walk in my direction. And they honestly were struggling. They were maybe 10 metres away from me but I was genuinely afraid. I’m 27 and incredibly active but only 5 ft 3. I was surrounded by people but worried I was going to be groped. Plus I really don’t like drawing any attention whatsoever if I can help it. Naturally VERY shy.

Ive recounted this incident to three people (all women of varying ages) and they’ve all mentioned the part about me being called beautiful. Like it’s a compliment. Ie that should be the takeaway. The man was physically intimidating to me! I was genuinely scared I was going to be attacked.

I just find this response very very depressing. Would the women around you not express sympathy if you were to tell them of a similar encounter?

Because I presume she’d used it for another reason. Regardless, don’t victim blame my daughter. How dare you! Regardless of whether it was on or off, nobody has the right to send pictures of their penis to a complete stranger on a train. He got what he deserved. Maybe he would have raped somebody next time.

I know what you mean about the responses. I once had a creepy note left on my car which mentioned my private parts and what I was wearing that day and things like that. I told my mum that I was going to report it to the police and she said something about it just being a man who was attracted to me as if it was a compliment and just something to not find creepy. Some women just make every excuse for men.

It sounds unpleasant OP but I’m not sure why it was frightening. The man was a long way from you, with 2 younger men holding him back, and loads of people around.

This really makes me realise how times have changed, for the better. Back in the 80s he would have grabbed your boobs, pinched your bum, and you’d have been expected to just smile. If you’d reported it you’d have been laughed at.

In what way did he threaten you? He commented on you and it seemed he might approach you. He was held back. Possibly to stop him from making a fool
of himself. I totally understand you feeling vulnerable but im not sure why the assumption he would sexually assault you in a busy place. Has something like this happened before where you have been assaulted?

It used to be in the red light district then, so it was awful for lone women. No idea if it still is these days.

The fact that the two guys with him immediately tried to hold him back suggests he wasn't going to come up to you and just pay you a compliment! YANBU to be intimidated by this.

I take your point but I think it could just as easily have been the case that the two younger men were sons/brothers/nephews/ whatever who knew that their dad/uncle/mate can get a bit nasty and intimidating when he's had a skinful, and leapt in to stop him before there was a scene.
As you say, whatever the reason none of it is likely to help OP feel better.

That kind of thing not happening any more is the best thing about being a lot older. Don't want to detect from your feelings about the incident but I've had a whole lot worse things happen.

Well OP, as you've read here, if you're a 5' 3 woman in her twenties on her own in a public place and a middle aged man has to be physically restrained from lunging at you, just remember HE'S the victim. He's got dementia, learning difficulties, mental health issues and is out with his carers (as we know, UK mental health services fund all those with mental health problems two full time carers so they can travel with ease). Not only are you racist, xenophobic, ableist and ageist you need to check your privilege. In fact, if anyone knows this man I'd like to start a crowdfunder for him. [SARCASM]

I'm really sorry this happened to you. It's frightening and weird and let's not pretend that women haven't been raped and murdered by strange men in daylight in public places in recent years.

This thread overall is an absolute shitshow of victim blaming. And I have no idea whether I have airdrop on or off. I use it quite a lot to transfer files but it's good to know that if I haven't checked this, it's my fault I get sexually harassed.

Agreed but I was replying to a poster who thinks posters on this threes think catcalling and wolf whistling are compliments.

👏👏👏

Yep. I had someone pin me against the wall when I was 22. And nobody really gave a shit.

It sounds like the reaction of the two men with him is the bit that would have unnerved the most.

The comment on its own is out of order and creepy but the two men jumping to restrain him has shown that there might have been something to be frightened about. Does that make sense?

It does mean they likely had a reason to suspect he would do something whether that be previous risk, a learning difficulty or something else.

I don’t ever think it’s a compliment when someone comments on you uninvited and your friends are wrong if that’s how they see it.

The RLD was dispersed around 20 years ago though it took till very recently for that activity to become almost invisible. I used to get propositioned by kerb crawlers aged 8 onwards and dealt with dozens of flashers. 🤢

YANBU to be intimidated by this. I agree the focus on the "beautiful" bit from your friends means they missed the point entirely. But I think they were (inexpertly) trying to show you that can choose how you view this event.

Your takeaway could be - this man was very intimidating. I was scared. I was in danger.

Or it could be.

Although this man was intimidating and it was scary, there were 2 other men trying to hold him back which allowed me to get away and it seems like they would have helped me if anything had happened.

I appreciate you were there @Xoxka so had first hand experience but you've made a Hell of a lot of suppositions.

He was non English, from a country where men don't mix with women, with relatives who have to restrain him on a regular basis as he is a known (sex)pest 🙄

His behaviour was concerning but your conjecture isn't helpful.

You should have flagged down staff or Transport police and told them what happened / what the men looked like / where in the station you encountered them.

Agree with this. It sounds very much as though his support workers intervened here.

Also why does him having a mental health problem or learning disability make him less dangerous to the OP? Fred West was learning disabled. Axel Rudakubana had multiple mental health problems.

Not sure what your height has to do with this, I’m 5’7 and I would feel threatened if he come near me, regardless of his age or height.

sorry you went through this, women have to put up with so much these days.

You should have spoken to BTP immediately.

I think most of us of certain age have experienced similar, i was once followed into the female toilets on a night out by a work colleague who put his hand up my skirt.and tried groping me ,nobody really cared and thought it was a bit of a laugh, shocking really.

It doesnt
But he was immediately restrained thankfully.

I’m 100% on your side OP. That’s scary, I would have felt the same, been called beautiful by someone who you feel threatened by is NOT a compliment. It’s completely irrelevant. I hate how women are told we should listen to our gut and trust our instincts but then when we do the benefit of the doubt is immediately given to men (“sounds like he has MH issues” “he just thought you were beautiful”). No.

Unwanted male attention/ cat calling never used to be normal in London in the 90s and 2000s. Paris on the other hand has always been a cesspit of sleazy males