How to handle MIL keeping in touch with my partner's ex

[ayloan]

My partner had a long-term relationship with a woman. During that time, they shared a dog and he said she did not build a relationship with his family. Fast forward, they broke up, 5 years later he met me and we now have a child and live together. I put in effort to getting to integrate into his family and spend time with them. But MIL has increasingly put effort into rekindling her connection with my partr's ex including taking her to lunch, looking after the dog, and keeping in touch with her family. Ex uses my partner and his parents for what. Seems like dog daycare.
MIL does not seem keen on our child or my family but seems to be pouring effort into partner's ex and their dog and keeps in touch with her family.
Am I being unreasonable to be uncomfortable and ask partner to have boundaries with ex?
My partner seems to think they're just doing the right thing by their dog and I'm unreasonable for asking him to cut contact with ex.
If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
Really looking for some perspective here as I'm questioning my experience and expectations.
Thank you.

Way to miss the point of the thread.

The dog is in Canada now with the ex. This is not about the dog.

Obviously it’s not about the dog! I hate people talking about animals like that.I don’t have to explain myself

What do yo mean ex moved to Canada?

anyway I can’t see a reason the mil can’t have a relationship with both of you. The relationship with the ex is not mutually exclusive to the relationship with you.

you seem to be very focused on your mil. Your expectations of her and you need to focus solely on your relationship with her, she’s free to be friends with whom she pleases and do whatever she wishes with her time.

if your partner wants to look after the dog or see it this is also fine. Unless you think he’s trying to get back with his ex.

i think you’re letting your jealoosy over the ex get the better of you to be honest.

But there is no problem with the dog? It's cared for by the ex?

The poster wasn't suggesting the dog should be abandoned, given to the RSPCA or put down - just for the ex to keep that dog in Canada and fior the OP's partner to consider getting another one.

That's why I don't get your dramatic post. The dog is fine. 🤷‍♂️

This isn't anything to do with the dog on your mils part. The only reason she suddenly became bothered about the dog and ex when you announced your pregnancy is because she's a jealous, spiteful woman. She can't handle the fact her son was having a child, who would be more important than her.

Realistically, the only way for her to suddenly contact the ex was about the dog. If the dog wasn't there, it would have been weird to the ex for her to have messaged when she wasn't close with her and the ex had no interest spending time with them when they were together.

Personally, I'd be blocking her if she keeps "accidentally" forwarding you the exs messages and then deleting them. If it's raised and you're asked why, say I've no interest in receiving messages from you that you accidentally send from dps ex, I'm too busy caring for my child to be pulled into these games. She knows exactly what she's doing. Go low or no contact with them if she's not interested in you or your child. If she suddenly wants to see the grandchild she can contact your partner who can facilitate contact. The fact he doesn't see what she's doing and isn't defending you is a red flag.

I'd be annoyed that she doesn't seem interested in her Grandchild and having experienced that personally it's upsetting, especially when they put more effort into other Grandchildren. I would leave her to it and act like it doesn't bother you. Once your child is older they'll realise how awful the mil is and won't bother with her, it's her loss.

Me too.
OP, focus on your independence.

Oh my Lord. Good people don't just 'ditch the dog'. What an awful thing to say.

What do you mean your partner needs boundaries? It doesn’t sound like he’s doing anything wrong. MIL isn’t there to be told by you who she can have a relationship with, even though I wouldn’t like to be in your position.

The insane things that people report on here never fail to amaze me. Yes, your MIL is off her chops. As are the people speaking about the dog as if it's a child caught up in a divorce.

I was responding to whakky bakky and their comment to just ditch the dog and buy a new one!! That is all

This sounds bad. The dog sounds more important than you.

But they didn't say to "ditch the dog", just to let the ex keep it and take care of it.

You make it sound like the dog is going to be dumped on the road side!

I think if you were happy with your partner you would not care what his mother and his ex get up to.

Is he a devoted dad? Is he devoted to you?

If so, let the rest go hang.

If not, that’s your real problem.

You seem to have missed the mark with what my comment meant, so I'll explain it to you.

Saying "ditch the dog" doesn't mean to chuck it away, throw it in the bin, give it to the rspc or anything along those lines.

It means that he needs to stop prioritising the dog and his ex over his current partner child and responsibilities.

The ex needs to take the dog and move on with her life too (like she has done). If giving the ex full 'custody' of the dog was upsetting to the OP's partner then he can easily buy a new one to fill that void. That's the beauty of Pets, they are available in abundance.

There's absolutely no way I would let my ex use a dog as a way to manipulate their way back into my life. Especially if it was upsetting my current partner as much as it's upsetting the op. His current partner should be his priority and if that means letting the dog go to the ex full time, then that's what he needs to do without hesitation.

Regardless of how you feel about dogs, it's a fucking dog and it should never take priority over a HUMAN child and the childs mother.

Shared custody of a dog is a couple who aren't really fully breaking up. It's very odd. Particularly if there are no kids.

Ant, of Ant and Dec, has ‘shared custody’ with his ex-wife of their marital dog.

He has remarried. Your comment about,’not fully breaking up’ doesn’t apply in his case and many others.

He and his former wife obviously love that particular dog.