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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I unreasonable for being offended

157 replies

Lola9212 · 30/01/2026 18:16

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 30/01/2026 18:18

You asked for guesses though. She could have kept her opinion to herself but I don't think her message was that bad. I would agree that for the majority of cases having a daughter as a mum is a very different relationship than a son, no less special, but maybe she was hoping you would get to experience both.

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/01/2026 18:20

Yes, I'd say you are unreasonable. You asked for guesses which invites comments. I don't think what your mum said was out of line or offensive, just her opinion. And she said that whatever you're having will be loved.

You should probably just have put the pic and a "it's a boy" or not told anyone you had found out the sex.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/01/2026 18:21

I think she was trying to say something nice to you rather than put your brother down. Are you maybe reading more into it because you're anticipating people having comments to say about your lovely dc?

I used to get the rage about people asking if we'd try again to have a boy after I'd had my two dds, but I can see now they weren't criticising my dds

Arlanymor · 30/01/2026 18:23

You asked her to guess and she did - you made this situation. She has enjoyed being a mother of girls and is just wishing the same for you - it's not saying anything negative about your existing boys or your brother. She also called your boys beautiful and said that your baby will be well-loved no matter what. Kindly I think you are really overreacting and you don't need any suggestions to 'take this forward' - you need to stop overthinking and reply kindly to your mother who hasn't said or done anything wrong.

JournalistEmily · 30/01/2026 18:23

She was being nice. That’s all

Sirzy · 30/01/2026 18:24

Don’t ask for guesses if you don’t want people’s opinions.

SemiSober · 30/01/2026 18:24

Lola9212 · 30/01/2026 18:16

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

I’d say you’re easily offended and I doubt anyone cares to ‘guess the gender’ on your third - you made it a talking point by asking people

Morepositivemum · 30/01/2026 18:25

Literally she covered all the bases!! I thought it would be the usual ‘oh my hod are you devastated it’s not a girl?’ messages I got after my second! (I was not, a baby is a baby is a baby!!)

Hiphipholiday · 30/01/2026 18:26

You invited comment. I don’t think it’s bad just a chatty message. She’s saying it would be nice for you to have a daughter after 2 boys but happy and excited either way. You shouldn’t have done guess thing if easily offended.

rubyslippers · 30/01/2026 18:26

Yabu
you asked for guesses
hour mums answer was pitched perfectly to a question that is tricky to answer!

JetSkiRental · 30/01/2026 18:27

Don’t start the gender debate if you can’t handle it

cramptramp · 30/01/2026 18:28

Omg. 🙄🙄🙄

BauhausOfEliott · 30/01/2026 18:28

I think you’re being over-sensitive. You know that when she said she found having daughters pretty special she was just trying to tell you she loves you, right? And I’m sure that most grandparents with two grandchildren of one sex probably think ‘If I had to choose, it would be nice to have one of the other this time’. She isn’t saying she won’t be equally thrilled to have another grandson and she isn’t saying your brother wasn’t special.

You were silly to invite gender guesses if you already know it’s a boy. Just tell people what you’re having.

olympicsrock · 30/01/2026 18:28

She is saying you are a wonderful daughter ( so a girl would be good) and equally you make beautiful boys ( so a boy would be good) .

LookingThroughGlass · 30/01/2026 18:28

asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family

Sorry, I think this comes under the heading of 'play stupid games, win stupid prizes'.

Your mother has said the baby's health is the most important thing and that he will be loved no matter what.

mondaytosunday · 30/01/2026 18:29

I have one of each, but my DH had two boys before he met me and five brothers! So when I got pregnant after having my son I know he was quite desperate for a girl, (though of course would have been happy as long as baby was healthy). That was not a dismissive comment about his three sons, but an honest expression of a desire. And was everyone delighted that we produced a girl? You bet. But she isn’t loved more than the boys. Wanting one thing doesn’t mean you love another thing less.

ThePoshUns · 30/01/2026 18:29

Sirzy · 30/01/2026 18:24

Don’t ask for guesses if you don’t want people’s opinions.

Exactly. No need to make all this drama about it.

ShowmetheMapletree · 30/01/2026 18:30

It ia a nice message op. Could dm be alluding to having enjoyed the mother/daughter relationship with you growing up? She could be viewing it as you have a great relationships with your boys the way she did with your brother, and alluding to a different kind of relationship with a daughter, possibly? It sounds like she is delighted either way.

NeedSleepNowww · 30/01/2026 18:30

I can’t see anything wrong with her message at all. It’s actually a very sweet message.

You’re looking for problems that aren’t there.

Cotton55 · 30/01/2026 18:33

I think there was no need to say she hoped it would be a girl. I think she should have kept that thought to herself.

StylishAndBeautiful · 30/01/2026 18:34

YABU. If you didn't get asked if you were disappointed that DS2 wasn't a girl, I'd be surprised.

3 of the same is fine.

YourJustOrca · 30/01/2026 18:36

She sent a lovely message.

Daytimetellyqueen · 30/01/2026 18:37

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/01/2026 18:20

Yes, I'd say you are unreasonable. You asked for guesses which invites comments. I don't think what your mum said was out of line or offensive, just her opinion. And she said that whatever you're having will be loved.

You should probably just have put the pic and a "it's a boy" or not told anyone you had found out the sex.

This! (From a mum of 3 boys too!)

YourJustOrca · 30/01/2026 18:41

You are making a thing of it, do you think you are really sensitive because you was hoping for a girl (another DM of three boys here)?

I found it best to just tell people as soon as I knew rather than make it into a whole thing.

VoltaireMittyDream · 30/01/2026 18:42

I read her comment as a reflection on how much she values her relationship with her daughter (you).

Overall the message is a very thoughtful ‘I can’t tell what sex the baby is, and I don’t really care as long as everyone’s happy and healthy. But since you’re insisting on making me guess, and kind of probing to see if I have a preference, I will deflect this by taking the opportunity to say what a lovely mother daughter bond we have.’

It’s quite a stretch to conclude this is some sort of diss to your brother, or your sons.