Am I unreasonable for being offended

[Lola9212]

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

Why such a Hoo ha of guessing the sex if you don’t want people’s thoughts and feelings. Think it was intended as a nice message you’re over thinking it.

You drew out the reveal rather than just telling people so you created your own drama. Why do adults behave like this?

YABU. I thought it was a lovely msg from your mum.

You asked for guesses so opened yourself up to comments. I actually think her comment is lovely and think you are reading too much into it. As a mum to 3 girls I had lots of comments when I found out I was having another girl so I can also understand why you are feeling a bit sensitive. Mine are all in their late teens now and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t change a thing having 3 the same gender. They have always been close but have got even closer as they have got older even though the oldest is currently abroad

You are being so unreasonable it's unbelievable.
Your poor mother.

💯 this

You’re over reacting. She was saying how special she finds your relationship. It doesn’t mean her relationship with your brother isn’t special in different ways. She has said nothing against your sons, except she loves them and will love her next DC no matter what. Also, that instead of making her guess, she just would love to know.

why are you looking for conflict?

You asked, she answered. It was naive to assume you wouldn't get any such comments when you invited guesses like you did. I think she was trying to be nice.

Think you’re letting you’re hormones get the better of you! She was in no way offensive and I wouldn’t give it a 2nd thought

You asked her to guess, she guessed and said why, then she said whatever sex the baby is she will love it.
I think you are being over sensitive. I think it was a lovely message from your mum

I would read it as "a girl would be special because you have 2 boys already", rather than girls are more special than boys...
I think reactions of this nature were unavoidable in those circumstances, from your mum or someone else, so it would have been better not to ask them to guess.

I’m pregnant again and we already have a little boy. I’ve asked for guesses and a few people have said how lovely it would be to have a girl but healthy is all that matters. I’ve not been offended at all. I’d love another boy, and I’d love a girl too so I’m happy either way.

Just tell people you’re having another boy as you already know. Seems like you’re trying to get your feelings hurt or something x

Yes, you are unreasonable for being offended. Please don’t now be offended by my response (and the many, many other similar responses)

I have 5 boys and very happy with my family of boys! Would have been just as happy if we'd had a girl though 🤷‍♀️ I don't think your mum was being offensive at all - she was saying how much she loved having a daughter and thinking it would be nice for you to have a daughter also. That doesn't mean that she doesn't love your boys or will not welcome your new son. You're being over sensitive I'm afraid.

I think it’s a lovely message from your Mum. I’d have read it as she thinks having YOU as a girl baby was pretty special.

You created this situation by asking for guesses.

Your mum's message was perfectly nice. Do you secretly really dislike her or something?

Yes I would have been a little offended .. I had a similar response from my mother in law.. she had two boys and always wanted a daughter, she said when I was pregnant with second ‘if you have a girl it will be extra special but we will love whatever you have’ always left me feeling like I’d let her down a little and to be fair my own mother was disappointed when I had a second son .. found it very hurtful and irritating 😠

Your poor Mother. I feel so sad for her

I would have seen your perspective if you hadn't asked for guesses. And she wasn't being rude to your brother, she didn't say it was MORE special than having a boy just that it was special and its something women can say to each other I think? its also meant as a kind nod to you as her daughter I guess? I get why you feel defensive but I think maybe YABU as you invited this

I wonder if - considering you have two boys already - she took you asking them to guess as a hint that it wasn't the same again? I might assume that

She'll be taking it as a given that she will love them regardless but if you need her to say it that's also understandable and you can lightly say I hope you'll love him just as much!

No idea but is there a chance you could be directing some of your own disappointment (totally legit and normal btw) towards her for expressing something you may be repressing yourself?

And btw huge congrats!

This. I’m very impressed with your mum’s tact, she sounds lovely. Asking people to guess the gender and then being offended when they don’t answer in exactly the way you want is a bit silly.

I hate to call fellow women hormonal but…

I don't understand everyone saying that it's okay because the OP asked for guesses. Her Mum didn't guess, she gave her unrequested preference!

Yabu because you invited discussion on the sex of your baby. She said being healthy was the main thing and that your baby would be loved either way.

It sounds like a very sweet message to me, with an acknowledgement of how much she values her relationship with her daughter.

Jesus Christ almighty. I feel sorry for your mother.