Am I unreasonable for being offended

[Lola9212]

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

Can you explain why?

it was surely a damned if you do damned if you don’t question.

I think it’s a lovely reply, praising mum, and grandsons.

Just be interesting to see what was so wrong.

i think she was mostly complimenting you as her female child she has a special relationship with 🤷‍♀️ congrats on your three lovely little lads!!

I think you’re reading it wrong. Goodness, you have a mum saying how she loves having you as daughter. Believe me, you’re lucky!

Ah, mumsnet…you never disappoint me. What a ridiculous thing to get upset about 😂😂😂

This.

I agree with the 95% in the poll.

YABU.

I suspect we’re all too late and OP’s poor mum has got it in the neck 😕

Your poor mum! You asked here the question, and shes bent over backwards to give the most kind response she could that tells you she'll love them no matter what and loves your sons too. I don't think she could have said it any differently!

I hope it's the pregnancy hormones talking. You are being totally unreasonable and it's a very nice note.

I say this as a mum of four boys.

If you’re offended over this then maybe you are not quite as delighted about having a third boy as you make out. It’s perfectly normal to have a preference.. after all most people tend to form friendships within their own gender.

You already know how lovely it is to have a son. You have two! She was just saying it is lovely to have a daughter also. She has experience of that. There is no reason to ‘move forward’ from anything. Nothing has happened.

How to take it forward? Stop being offended. There is nothing wrong with what she said. Next time, don't ask if you don't want an answer. You're being very unreasonable.

There's nothing to "take forward". You are being unreasonable. She's allowed to have an opinion. It doesn't mean valuing your sons or brother less, and she's made that clear. It seems like you are looking for something wrong and want to find it.

You invited guesses and now you are offended… “take it forward”? 🤣 Oh my word, you sound like a nightmare to deal with.

My mum was over the moon we were having a girl because "my daughter is having a daughter!". She would have loved a grandson just as much, but as a mother of girls she knows how she felt and was excited for us to share that.

Nothing more in it than that.

It’s a really nice message (and sent after YOU asked her to guess!!)

You are easily offended and looking for a fight if you take this one further. And don’t be offended on someone else’s behalf - doubt your brother would be

You asked! I think her answer was pitched quite well. I have a son that I love dearly (I would have loved a second boy) and having a daughter is still pretty special.

She’s told you that you are special. She was being nice and you are reading too much into the rest.

You were clearly hoping for a girl and you are redirecting your disappointment onto your mother's (lovely) message.

You started the gender chat, not your mum.

I can't imagine why you're asking people to guess the sex of the baby when you already know it 🤔. Your mum's message is lovely.

Why do people make such a fuss over finding out the bloody SEX (not gender) of the baby. Find out or don’t find out. Tell people or don’t but you caused a song & dance about this so it’s partially your ow fault.

I tho k it's compliment to you. She prob had a few vinos and didn't think it through if she had been out.

Yeah you’re being unreasonable. I have a DS and he’s an only child and we have such a great bond, but having a daughter, that bond would be so different. Not better or worse, just different. You asked her opinion and now you don’t like it. And she sent a lovely text, the child would loved no matter what.

You created this situation yourself by inviting guessing when you already know.

Unfortunately you asked for guessing and that invites comments.
I wouldn't dwell.
A healthy baby is the main thing.

I think if there are 2 boys in a family most people would think (apart from the obvious priority of being healthy) would be nice if the next ones a girl. Same for if there were 2 girls and thinking it would be nice if the next one's a boy.