Am I unreasonable for being offended

[Lola9212]

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

YABU - you asked for guesses and I don’t think there was anything wrong with your Mum’s message, she was actually paying you a compliment 🤦‍♀️

I think hormones may be making you a bit unreasonable.

Same….

this is clearly looking for problems where there are none, there’s nothing to be offended about in that message

There is nothing in your mother's comment that is offensive.
She wasn't being mean about your brother and it was sweet of her.

Your mum’s message was lovely.

Congrats on your new boy.

I don't think you can ask people to guess the gender and some of them not say they think it might be/would love it to be a girl. Surely that's just obvious. If someone had two girls they'd get a certain amount of people guessing a boy or saying it would be nice to have one.

They also may be assuming, albeit incorrectly that you'd slightly prefer a girl as you've not got one yet.

Most people if given the choice would probably like a mixture of the two. But of course people love their child of either sex and it's most important that they're healthy.

Anyway her message was not insulting or rude in tone and I would be extremely surprised if your brother would take it as offensive.

I think your secretly bothered it’s another boy. Sorry to say.

OP that’s a really nice message. She’s literally saying ‘I would love you to experience the joy I had parenting you, my daughter, but do not mind what the sex is as I love your babies’.

Maybe don’t ask for guesses if you don’t like listening to anything anyone else has to say. You sound like hard work and terminally offended.

I don’t think it’s very secret is it?

I agree with those who have said that you shouldn't have asked people to guess if you are sensitive on the subject. Short of answering with simply 'boy' or 'girl', it's difficult to say anything that might not be construed as a preference for one or the other.

She said having girls is special. She didn’t say having boys is any less special. She probably just mentioned it about girls because you already have boys, who are already special to you and her.

I thought that was a lovely message from your Mum. She loves having you as a daughter.

I think she’s telling you she loves you? She’s loved having a daughter not that she’s disappointed?

Of course you’re being unreasonable. You asked for guesses!
Your poor mother.

It's a nice message, she clearly loves being your mum.

A)You asked
B) She said that she's enjoyed being mum to a girl as well as a boy. You want to take offence at her saying she's enjoyed being your mum? She knows you already have boys.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. God help anyone trying to compliment you in the future.

I don't think she should have told you her preference. And then the baby will be loved no matter what. I should hope it would be!

Agree though that it was always going to be risky asking people to guess.

I think you set her up. Why didn’t you just tell people you were having a boy?

I’m on the fence. As someone pregnant with two boys already I feel people will be more excited if this one is a girl and that sucks as boy number 3 should be special too but it’s just how things are with a lot of people.

This.

I think you are overthinking the message. It could be taken as offensive but she was giving the you the opinion you asked for.

I think because you made a big deal of the reveal she maybe guessed/assumed it was a girl. Not because girls are better just that it would more of a novelty to have a different gender. But she's obviously tried to cover all bases!

Not as bad as my stepdad upon hearing I'm having a 3rd done "when will you know if he's autistic?" Was literally the first thing he said. Cock

Ps having had 1 girl and 3 boys is happily have more sons