Am I unreasonable for being offended

[Lola9212]

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

You asked and the comments on girls being special is a compliment to you, she wasn’t dissing your brother for goodness sake.

You're desperate for drama and sound like incredibly hard work.

Like others, I am pretty sure you really wanted a girl this time and are looking for an excuse to take your disappointment out on your mum for saying something kind and loving.

Your poor, poor mum.

I would say that's a really lovely message from your mum!

I'm with you OP. I'd be upset at her comment. She should've been more cautious in her comments.

What was upsetting in her comment? Quote the part verbatim where you think she should have been more cautious.

I think you were looking for reassurance and hoped your mum was going to say that it didn’t matter type of response.

Because most people would say what your mum said .. a girl would nice, but the baby will be gorgeous and loved no matter what.

Honestly.. if you could have chosen would you have picked a girl? It doesn’t matter if you would have, because you’re happy that you have a healthy pregnancy and are looking forward to his arrival. I think your response reflects a little anxiety but then pregnancy hormones are a bugger! Good luck op

OP, do you often set little traps for your family, so that you always have a stick to beat them with?

No, I don’t think the comment from your mum was offensive, so, yeah, I do think you’re being unreasonable to be offended.

Yes, it does look like this. Hopefully it's not typical behaviour, but an aberration. And I hope she didn't harass her poor mother for no reason.

This is exactly what I thought. I’m not sure how she could have worded it any nicer. As a mother of a daughter I’d be really hurt if I sent a message like that and it was taken the way you have interpreted it.

Stop asking for guesses!!!

Honestly I don’t think there’s a lot wrong with it. She’ll love your boy regardless just as I’m sure she loves your existing 2 but thought a girl might be nice. That’s all. I’m sure she doesn’t love your brother any less than her daughters

Being easily offended was 5 miles back. Seriously.

When I was pregnant with DS I had said my preference was a DD purely because I would have loved the close relationship I have always had with my late DM . She obviously feels like that about you . Maybe it hit a nerve.

Also if she had been out maybe alcohol had loosened her tongue

I think your mum just loves your children irrespective of their sex. She might enjoy choosing girls clothes though.

She was referring to you in a complimentary way, which wasn't some sort of slight on your brother. How can you see her remark as anything other than lovely. And she pointed out that all your children are special and all she wished for was for them to be healthy.

talk about trying to find a problem that doesn't exist!

ETA - and she didn't have a clue about the sex of your unborn child so was having to dance around a pile of eggshells you'd laid down for her by hedging her bets as best she could.

Play silly games, win silly prizes

I’m gobsmacked at all the responses here, defending a mother saying “…having girls is pretty special….” to her DD who only has boys…

It's a mother complimenting her daughter. OP is special to her mother. Looking for offense here is so unreasonable.

@LemaxObsessive , had it been my DD who'd asked 'guess the sex' and she had 2 boys, I'd have probably thought it was a girl. The OP's mother was saying OP is special to her mother.

As pp, Looking for offence here is so unreasonable.

I think OP is unreasonable, because her message to guess the sex was bound to get comments.

@Lola9212 it seems like you are not coming back, I assume it’s because you feel a bit daft now.
Buy your mum a bunch of flowers from the supermarket and give her a big hug and tell her you love her.

You are unreasonable yes, message was lovely
There are apparently over 80 genders now, but babies actually come in 2 sexes male and female.

The OP wasn't asking for her mum's preference.
Can you have a 'special' relationship with a son? Feels like a boy is second best.
I'm with you OP.

"Only has boys"????