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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? DH failed to mention that our baby name choice is the same as one of his exes

272 replies

Toothfairy92 · 30/01/2026 07:18

We are expecting a baby girl in the next few weeks and have had a name - Laura - picked out for a couple of months. I suggested the name initially and we both agreed we liked it. It’s remained our top pick since then.

Last night we were chatting in the car and it emerges that he had a girlfriend called Laura for a “few months” about ten years ago, in his mid-twenties. It came up because I said I was glad that it was less commonly used these days, and he said he’d known a few at school, oh and he’d dated one for a bit. Confused

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate and a bit weird to use a baby name that is shared with an ex girlfriend, even a short term one. I think I’d be really icked out calling a child a name of someone I’d been with!

I feel sad and frustrated that I’m back to the drawing board on names; and that I’d built up my bond with this baby using the name in my head. He says it just didn’t cross his mind until we talked in more detail about it last night, and doesn’t see the problem with using it. He thinks I’m BU to be a bit upset and to think it’s inappropriate. Am I?

OP posts:
Idontspeakgermansorry · 30/01/2026 07:21

YABU to be upset with him. It was a very short term relationship 10 years ago.

It wouldn't be weird or inappropriate to still use the name. Don't, if you don't want to though. There are plenty of names out there.

ImmortalJillyCooper · 30/01/2026 07:22

His ex wife’s name would be weird. A brief fling from ages ago he had almost forgotten about - you are being weird.

Maraudingmarauders · 30/01/2026 07:22

I think YABU because it’s someone he dated for a few months over a decade ago, you’re married and having a child. No one owns a name, and he’s hardly going to be thinking of her when he holds his baby girl for the first time, is he? If you like the name, use it. It means so little to him he didn’t even think to raise it until now, it only came up because you commented about not knowing any - his response was, oh I know a few from xyz. A perfectly normal response.
however, if it’s tainted, it’s now tainted. You won’t like it because you’ve got it into your mind you won’t like it. So find another name, but I dont think the blame goes on DH on this one, sorry.

ArtistsWay · 30/01/2026 07:24

I think you are being very difficult here.

Sartre · 30/01/2026 07:24

It is very 90s chic so I’m surprised neither of you knew any. Had a few in my year at school. A girl he briefly dated at secondary school probably didn’t cross his mind just as it wouldn’t me if I heard Bradley for example.

Spoodles · 30/01/2026 07:25

It's not weird or inappropriate at all. She's a brief relationship from over a decade ago not an ex wife. I think your reaction is much weirder to be honest.

CheeseWisely · 30/01/2026 07:27

YABU. We considered Matthew for DS and it was quite a while after we’d dropped it from the list for another reason that I remembered I once dated a Matthew briefly.

Lolloped · 30/01/2026 07:29

YABU to use Laura as a name. It’s so 80s and will hopefully never come back round. Have you asked for a list of everyone he dated? If he’s in his late 30s its not surprising he has dated a Laura. Hideous name for a baby and horrible to say out loud. Why curse a baby with that?

BigKissByeBye · 30/01/2026 07:29

CheeseWisely · 30/01/2026 07:27

YABU. We considered Matthew for DS and it was quite a while after we’d dropped it from the list for another reason that I remembered I once dated a Matthew briefly.

Exactly. We considered Tadhg for DS, without me even remembering that I went out briefly with one. Like Laura, it was a common name. It’s not associated with an individual for me.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 30/01/2026 07:30

Not weird at all.
My son is called the same name as someone I went on a few dates with years before I met DH.
I honestly didn’t make the connection when DH suggested the name as I’d pretty much forgotten about him!
It wasn’t until I bumped into him when DS was 4 and I told him I was married with kids and he went ‘nice name’ 😂😂

liveforsummer · 30/01/2026 07:32

Oh come on. It was a casual acquaintance not an ex wife. Laura was highly common in my childhood. It’s fairly likely those in mid 30’s to mid 40’s will have connections to the name

runrunrun2026 · 30/01/2026 07:32

This is a non-event imo.

Evaporateandlisten · 30/01/2026 07:33

If it was a really unusual name like Lunabellapollyanna it might be strange (as you might think that he was naming the baby after her) or if it had been a significant long term committed relationship but a few months with a lovely but very common name isn’t an issue.

Laura is gorgeous.

SisterMarie · 30/01/2026 07:33

YABU it was years ago. Its a lovely name

dailyconniptions · 30/01/2026 07:36

It's fine. Crazy to get worked up about. Laurel or Lara are equally as nice if you're that bothered.

Mulledjuice · 30/01/2026 07:36

Evaporateandlisten · 30/01/2026 07:33

If it was a really unusual name like Lunabellapollyanna it might be strange (as you might think that he was naming the baby after her) or if it had been a significant long term committed relationship but a few months with a lovely but very common name isn’t an issue.

Laura is gorgeous.

Agree

AutumnClouds · 30/01/2026 07:36

I haven’t mentioned to my DP that I had a teenage flirtation and kiss with someone with the same name but different spelling to our child, because I myself had forgotten until months after we named them. If it was looming large on his mental landscape he would have given you an excuse why it couldn’t be used. It’s fine. Although if it’s put you off the name that’s fine too but not fair on your DP to have any annoyance about that, just one of those things.

beAsensible1 · 30/01/2026 07:36

it’s not an uncommon name and it was a decade ago. You’re being bit silly.

guestofclanmackenzie · 30/01/2026 07:37

A girlfriend from ten years ago that lasted only a few months??

You ABVU.

Isadora2007 · 30/01/2026 07:37

Lara or Lyra?

or what about Maura (Irish name not just Laura with an M)

RosieCottonDancing · 30/01/2026 07:38

Lolloped · 30/01/2026 07:29

YABU to use Laura as a name. It’s so 80s and will hopefully never come back round. Have you asked for a list of everyone he dated? If he’s in his late 30s its not surprising he has dated a Laura. Hideous name for a baby and horrible to say out loud. Why curse a baby with that?

Yeah, what was that classic 80s lad Petrarch thinking eh 😂

newmenewwhatever · 30/01/2026 07:39

Think your hormones are making you a bit ridiculous

pouletvous · 30/01/2026 07:39

Get over it. The name Laura will soon take on a new meaning

Pineneedlesincarpet · 30/01/2026 07:41

Lolloped · 30/01/2026 07:29

YABU to use Laura as a name. It’s so 80s and will hopefully never come back round. Have you asked for a list of everyone he dated? If he’s in his late 30s its not surprising he has dated a Laura. Hideous name for a baby and horrible to say out loud. Why curse a baby with that?

Don't hold back there. Say what you really think! 🤣

Figcherry · 30/01/2026 07:42

I always thought Ross marrying Emily and then him and Rachel having a dc named Emma was strange.
I know theyre different names but they sound very similar to me.