Is this messy or normal?

[MessOrNotMess]

So the backstory here is that I have learnt to be very, very tidy due to ADHD and fear of overwhelm. I really struggle with clutter.

DH isn't awfully tidy, but equally not particularly messy. He generally works on the principle that if something messy of his is bothering me he'll deal with it as it's no big deal to him, and a stressor to me. So I know if I raise it, he'll 100% just tidy it, no question. He's a good egg.

However, I try very hard to own that this is a me problem and I can't always expect to control my environment and how people around me live. I try not to raise stuff til it's actually messy, rather than just not to my standard of completely clutter free.

This pile of clutter on DH's bedside table has been growing since Christmas. Ideally, I'd have the surface completely clear, nothing on the top at all. I was OK when it was one book, reading glasses and reading light. To me, the pile that's there now looks like a massive pile of clutter, it's bothering me a lot. I am, however, aware that I have a skewed perspective on this.

So, is this an absolute mess and DH should be asked to tidy up (YANBU) or a perfectly normal amount of stuff to have on a bedside table and I need to keep quiet (YABU)?

Put away where? He obviously needs the pills at night/morning and he probably also reads in bed so the things belong there.

That’s what you call organised clutter.

Not there

But he needs them by the bed. That's the point of a bedside cabinet.

Well they’d have to be in a storage basket by the bed.

I think that’s pretty tidy - more tidy than my DH’s!

I find that messy and would straigten the books and put the tablet packet lined up with the corner of the table. I may be borderline OCD.

I am the same as you OP, and that would be way too messy for me - I like clean, clear surfaces and no clutter.

My husband is "normal" and even for him it would be too much for a bedside table.

One or two books in use and other items such as glasses that are of use would be fine to be left there

Some people with OCD are messy - depends on the type. (In many, OCD is to do with overthinking, etc.)

I have an official diagnosis of OCD. My paperwork was always in perfect condition inside my filing cabinet at work, but on top of the filing cabinet...

However, it's more recently been suggested that I also have ASD and ADHD. I'm nearly 66, so I'm not bothered about looking for another diagnosis.

You know that’s not a mess. That’s not ADHD. However, you could buy him a decorative storage box to chuck it all in to sit on the bedside table (I do this because I have ADHD and make a mess and it actually triggers my NT DH).

And yes, you need to give your head a wobble.

Its not messy. I think you need to allow him (and yourself!) at least one space in the house where you force yourself not to intervene or pass judgement (i accept that is hard for you). My bedside table is messier than DH (just face creams, books, glasses not mouldy food!) . He likes tidy and I dont really care, I'd be super pissed off if he messed with it. Much like your DH i keep the rest of the house tidy along with him as I know thats what he prefers. Bedside table though = personal domain!

I have to say, whilst I didn’t think the original pile was massively messy, I have a real hatred of piles (of anything and everything) that isn’t stacked neatly and properly. Properly being that all piles have to be sorted by size. All “piles” have got to be stacked by size, ie bigger things on bottom and then going up in decreasing size. So whilst I wasn’t particularly bothered by your original photo for the messiness angle, I have to say - using that weird expression! - it made my teeth itch. And made my toes feel curly 😄 I honestly can never get my head over “teetering” stacks of anything! This goes as far - and perhaps this is one of the worst things - as crockey/pans etc in cupboards!! Oh lord, they drive me up the absolute wall!! I can’t bear it and have to put them “right”!
surwlynthere must be others who feel like this?? 😂

You couldn’t bear to see a pile of books/magazines on a bedside table?
Are you exaggerating for effect, or do you have issues?

Mmmm, not true, sorry. Some of us cope with being inherently messy by being super tidy. My desk was absolutely clear every time I left work at the end of the day.

All my paperwork is in one drawer. The draw is a complete mess filled in date order no matter what the subject, so finding anything is a nightmare but it's in that drawer and out of sight.

It’s not a big pile, but it is a bit of a messy one. I think I’d have to straighten everything up to be able to ignore it - although if it was my DH’s, I’d probably make him put it in the drawer or just put it on the floor between the bed and bedside table so it wasn’t so obvious

OP you are being lovely to ask but unreasonable. It's his side of the bed and it's not impacting you physically and it really isn't a very big pile. I have the same number of books as that open and part read on my kindle, it's not excessive.

if my DH did that to the things on my bedside table i would do more than read him the riot act.

That is controlling bollocks. It isn't a mess it is normal.

OP needs to work on her issues.

That's why I said that anyone I know.... I was genuinely inquisitive.

But tbh what you have described isn't tidy... you've just moved the mess.

Ah. So now I understand these photos of absolute pigsties in the press/on social media. I couldn't fathom how people live like that. How does it happen?

Little by little, it seems. Most of the comms here say this pic is 'fine' and 'not messy'. Jeez. It's messy, obviously, all that crap on the table, it looks shit. How difficult is it to take a book/magazine, read it and put it in the bookshelf? Medicine in the nightstand drawer? And leave the nightstand looking neat, empty and clean with only a lamp on?

All the miscellaneous crap like reading light, glasses, meds, tv remote and whatever goes in the nightstand drawers.

If my DP told me remove the 'clutter' from my own bedside table I'd tell him to get stuffed!

It's a pile of reading matter and a pill packet, and it's HIS bedside table, not yours. You need to get some perspective.

@MessOrNotMess I think it looks messy and I'd want to tidy it, but once I start, I'm not good at stopping even when I'm in pain, so you have my sympathy.

It's good that you recognise this, though.

A nice storage box would help as a pp said. That's what I do.

Something like this from Dunelm.... comes in different colours and sizes, too.

You sound very uptight. Living with you must be fun.

Oh wow that is nothing
Also I would hate it if people kept.pu5ting my stuff away.

Even if it looks messy everything is organised in its own way and I know where everything.

Nothing worse than going to get something and it's not where I left it.

Of course it's tidy, it can't be seen, it's all in one place in one stack and I know what's in it. It's even organised, by date. It's not an efficient filing system to retrieve things from but it's very efficient for filing things away.

I don't have any mess. I'm obsessive about throwing away bits of paper that aren't needed any more so they can't build up as clutter.

That one is 13 litres, but they do smaller ones and one bigger at 21litres. The largest is only £6