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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Size 18 and Happy - Anyone Else Not Wanting to Lose Weight?”

212 replies

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:14

I’m a size 18 and, honestly, I’m happy at this size. I don’t feel the need to lose weight, but people keep suggesting weight-loss jabs to me, which I find frustrating. I did try calorie counting for a while, but it became very restrictive and unenjoyable, and it just wasn’t something I wanted to continue.

I was actually very slim as a child, teenager, and into my early 20s. From my mid-20s onwards I gradually put weight on, and after having my son at 29, it became very hard to shift the excess weight. Over time, I’ve kind of embraced where my body has settled.

Physically, I’m healthy: my heart rate is very good, my blood pressure is normal, and I feel well. I have a great sex life, my DH finds me attractive, and I’ve never experienced rudeness from strangers. If anything, I still get men looking at me and women smiling, and I often receive compliments on my appearance - especially how I dress.

I love fashion. I live in midi dresses, skirts and boots, and I enjoy wearing bright colours and novelty earrings. I’m 5’7”, which probably helps, and I’ve often been told I “carry my weight well.” Most people assume I’m a size 14/16 (I have big boobs though!)

What I struggle with is the feeling that there’s something wrong with me because I don’t aspire to be skinny or slim. I was brought up with the idea that fat = bad, and I don’t want to carry that mindset through my life. When I think about my grandmas, they were both rounder women - warm and cuddly

My DS, who is 7, recently said he doesn’t want me to do calorie counting to lose weight because he wants me to stay cuddly. That really stuck with me.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else feels this way - comfortable in their body, not chasing weight loss, and trying to unlearn the idea that thinner is always better.

OP posts:
Currentskin · 28/01/2026 21:16

My kids at that age wouldn’t have had the foggiest what calorie counting even was!

Chinup100 · 28/01/2026 21:18

You can do what you want and feel however you like, but whyyyyy would your 7 year old be talking about calorie counting

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:19

It’s because I said it in front of him and he started asking me what it was and I explained in kids terms

OP posts:
Currentskin · 28/01/2026 21:20

I have to say… you don’t sound very comfortable with your weight. Thou doth protest too much and all that

ResusciAnnie · 28/01/2026 21:20

people keep suggesting weight-loss jabs to me

Fucking rude!! Who are these people?

How on earth does your 7 year old know what calorie counting is though??

From someone on WLIs, you do you, YANBU at all.

(Just saw your update - my 10 & 8 yo have no idea I’m on WLIs and have never mentioned calories… but then I do try really hard not to talk about weight and not to pass my issues onto them!)

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 28/01/2026 21:21

My friend feels the same as you. She could easily afford weight loss injections but says she is happy and couldn't bear to lose one of her biggest pleasures by not feeling hungry. She's a size 18 I'd say.

I think it's a tough one because we all know that being significantly overweight has huge health risks. I wish I could be slim but still eat all the wonderful food that is available in this world.

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:22

ResusciAnnie · 28/01/2026 21:20

people keep suggesting weight-loss jabs to me

Fucking rude!! Who are these people?

How on earth does your 7 year old know what calorie counting is though??

From someone on WLIs, you do you, YANBU at all.

(Just saw your update - my 10 & 8 yo have no idea I’m on WLIs and have never mentioned calories… but then I do try really hard not to talk about weight and not to pass my issues onto them!)

Edited

I accidentally said something about calorie counting to my DH in front of him and he started asking questions. He is at the age where he has to know everything!

OP posts:
Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:23

Currentskin · 28/01/2026 21:20

I have to say… you don’t sound very comfortable with your weight. Thou doth protest too much and all that

That’s the thing, I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me for feeling this way and now second guessing myself.

OP posts:
Currentskin · 28/01/2026 21:24

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:23

That’s the thing, I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me for feeling this way and now second guessing myself.

Maybe just stop navel gazing about it? And enjoy life

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:25

Currentskin · 28/01/2026 21:24

Maybe just stop navel gazing about it? And enjoy life

It feels like it’s everywhere, with WLIs etc and I know plenty of people on them.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 28/01/2026 21:25

That’s a lot of explaining for someone who’s happy with where they are.

Chisbots · 28/01/2026 21:27

I'm about that and happy.

I lose very slowly, am stressed and miserable, so better to maintain weight and work on fitness and strength. Losing then gaining wrecks your body comp, if you don't do a tonne of resistance training too.

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:28

@BitOutOfPractice
I’m starting to feel insecure as I feel there may be something wrong with me for feeling this way. I guess that’s why.

OP posts:
B1anche · 28/01/2026 21:28

People are happy to remain overweight because it is easier than taking regular exercise and eating a healthy diet. Unfortunately, when you hit your 60s (or maybe younger), life will not be easier if you've been carrying extra weight and been inactive for the last 4 or 5 decades.

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:29

@B1anche
I walk and swim regularly. So I wouldn’t say I’m inactive.

OP posts:
RichardOnslowRoper · 28/01/2026 21:32

Dress size doesn't mean much. What's your actual BMI?
Odd that people keep suggesting WLIs to you.

BCBird · 28/01/2026 21:33

When i am a 16/18 I feel fabulous. I am probably a 22 at the moment. I too.have to.listen to people educating me about weight loss jabs🙄

Currentskin · 28/01/2026 21:33

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:25

It feels like it’s everywhere, with WLIs etc and I know plenty of people on them.

Who are these people suggesting wli?

RichardOnslowRoper · 28/01/2026 21:36

Also some people are suggesting WLIs and others- I think strangers- are smiling and complimenting you? Maybe enjoy the compliments and ignore the others without over thinking.

loveawineloveacrisp · 28/01/2026 21:37

B1anche · 28/01/2026 21:28

People are happy to remain overweight because it is easier than taking regular exercise and eating a healthy diet. Unfortunately, when you hit your 60s (or maybe younger), life will not be easier if you've been carrying extra weight and been inactive for the last 4 or 5 decades.

But not everyone who is overweight doesn't exercise and eats crap. I'm a size 16, up from a 12 about 8 years ago. Menopause hit and I just can't lose it. I exercise at the gym 5 times a week plus dog walking. Meals cooked from scratch. But quite frankly I don't want to starve myself and be miserable.

ShawnaMacallister · 28/01/2026 21:37

At a size 18 you're almost certainly obese so no, you shouldn't just accept it and not want to change it. Great if you're happy with the way you look and feel, but as someone who was a size 18 3 years ago and now a 12 (4.5 stone difference!) I can tell you it's SOOOO much nicer not being obese for all the possible reasons. I'm still curvy and BMI 26 so no fears about not being 'cuddly' but life is so much better on the other side. You don't realise that when you're obese because you've forgotten or never knew what it feels like to be a healthy weight.

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:39

@ShawnaMacallister
I know what it’s like to be slimmer as I said so in my OP, I was a size 10-12 in my teens and early 20s.

OP posts:
vanillaskin · 28/01/2026 21:41

loveawineloveacrisp · 28/01/2026 21:37

But not everyone who is overweight doesn't exercise and eats crap. I'm a size 16, up from a 12 about 8 years ago. Menopause hit and I just can't lose it. I exercise at the gym 5 times a week plus dog walking. Meals cooked from scratch. But quite frankly I don't want to starve myself and be miserable.

People presume anyone fat just sits about
i do spin, netball, yoga, lift weights, mobility classes…. The only thing I don’t do is run because I’ve had previous spinal surgery and advised not to

ShawnaMacallister · 28/01/2026 21:41

Dancingflamingos · 28/01/2026 21:39

@ShawnaMacallister
I know what it’s like to be slimmer as I said so in my OP, I was a size 10-12 in my teens and early 20s.

So was I. But then I was obese for 16 years and got used to it. And now I'm not, I remember how it feels to not be obese.
I don't believe you feel as good now as you would feel if you lost 2/3 stone. I don't believe that's possible.

Chisbots · 28/01/2026 21:46

B1anche · 28/01/2026 21:28

People are happy to remain overweight because it is easier than taking regular exercise and eating a healthy diet. Unfortunately, when you hit your 60s (or maybe younger), life will not be easier if you've been carrying extra weight and been inactive for the last 4 or 5 decades.

I eat a perfectly good diet and do way more exercise than the average person.

Very simplistic comment and really not helpful.

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