Size 18 and Happy - Anyone Else Not Wanting to Lose Weight?”

[Dancingflamingos]

I’m a size 18 and, honestly, I’m happy at this size. I don’t feel the need to lose weight, but people keep suggesting weight-loss jabs to me, which I find frustrating. I did try calorie counting for a while, but it became very restrictive and unenjoyable, and it just wasn’t something I wanted to continue.

I was actually very slim as a child, teenager, and into my early 20s. From my mid-20s onwards I gradually put weight on, and after having my son at 29, it became very hard to shift the excess weight. Over time, I’ve kind of embraced where my body has settled.

Physically, I’m healthy: my heart rate is very good, my blood pressure is normal, and I feel well. I have a great sex life, my DH finds me attractive, and I’ve never experienced rudeness from strangers. If anything, I still get men looking at me and women smiling, and I often receive compliments on my appearance - especially how I dress.

I love fashion. I live in midi dresses, skirts and boots, and I enjoy wearing bright colours and novelty earrings. I’m 5’7”, which probably helps, and I’ve often been told I “carry my weight well.” Most people assume I’m a size 14/16 (I have big boobs though!)

What I struggle with is the feeling that there’s something wrong with me because I don’t aspire to be skinny or slim. I was brought up with the idea that fat = bad, and I don’t want to carry that mindset through my life. When I think about my grandmas, they were both rounder women - warm and cuddly

My DS, who is 7, recently said he doesn’t want me to do calorie counting to lose weight because he wants me to stay cuddly. That really stuck with me.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else feels this way - comfortable in their body, not chasing weight loss, and trying to unlearn the idea that thinner is always better.

I have lost 8 stone and aged quite rapidly. I have no issue with it, I am far healthier than I have been in over 25 years. So I will take it. If I had never been fat my face probably would have looked like this now anyway, but the effects would have presented more gradually without the fat to pad out the wrinkles. I can’t think why anyone would be so vain that their face was more important than their overall general health. Weird that.

Forgot to write at the end of my post that Mumsnet isn't the best place to write this sort of post, it brings the infamous Mumsnet chicken undereaters out in force and then there's some posters that generally like feeling smug. It's great you feel content, so many people wish to feel comfortable in their own bodies, don't let anyone tell you you should feel differently. If you feel like you want to lose some weight you can when you're ready, you can, but only if/when you wish to.

Fair enough if that’s really how you feel.
I was a size 18 last year and lost 2 1/2 stone on WLI.
I thought I was happy but realised I was avoiding things that my weight may affect . Mostly physical things.
I realised my weight was holding me back with activities with the dc. We attended a family festival and I couldn’t do some of the events as I simply wasn’t fit enough to run around, climb etc.
I was too heavy to go on a pony trek suggested by some friends.
Another time I was too heavy to go on a roller coaster ride at a forest park in Wales. Also an embarrassing day on holiday when I struggled to walk a long way sightseeing. Fitting in to Seats on rides were also a worry.
Now I’m a bit lighter there is a freedom that I did not realise I was missing!
I respect your confidence and happiness in yourself but I definitely feel like I can simply do more now.

What a load of crap! Your doctor friend does know that this a treatment for obesity right, not 'slightly overweightness'?

It's mind boggling that a medical professional would wish metabolic illness on people who are addressing a significant health issue with medication!

Respectfully, your mum is an anomaly when it comes to the statistics, she’s in a small minority of ‘healthy’ bigger size 18 older women.

LOL, really? What is this ‘Doctor’ friend, a herbalist or something? She thinks millions of people addressing chronic obesity and the implications of carrying excessive weight will result in a metabolic illness epidemic? Sounds more like a Doctor of Arts or Philosophy.

I don't think it's that rare. Yes, of course you're more likely to suffer health problems if you're overweight. But lots of other factors are at play too. A woman on my street has just had a knee replacement, she's always been a steady 'healthy' weight all her life. I know so many people classed as overweight that don't have health problems. You can't pinpoint every health problem such as cancer, heart problems, diabetes etc to obesity. I have known people that stay slim to drink multiple bottle of wine a week and that's why they are slim, they don't eat because they drink.

@ThatJadeLion I can list countless slim people with health issues, and a heck of a lot of older ones too, many just plodding along alive. I can also list a heck of a lot of healthy slim old people too.

What I can’t do is give you a list of healthy obese older people, I can think of one overweight lady in her 70s with Diabetes (20+ years) and Alzheimer’s, and an obese family member in her 70s with cancer and debilitating joint pain, chronic arthritis and COPD.

It’s a numbers game and sadly the odds go against you once you throw in obesity.

Same! I'm an 18. I run, I lift weights, I walk the dog every day, I eat a balanced, nutritious diet. I'd say I look chubby at most. I've had MISERABLE years in the past of obsessively calorie counting and logging everything and exercising to burn things off and restricting eating before holidays and weddings and still hating the photos and thinking I was too fat to be deserving of certain experiences and outfits. What a waste of energy and worry! I was fine! I've been a 10, 12, 14, 16 and all those times I stressed about it and was really cruel to myself and my body makes me really sad for that me.

No one's asked me about the jabs. I've been in conversations about them and I'm not interested in it.

I have teen boys and a husband who are all involved in sports teams, hiking expeditions, weightlifting so the focus in my household is everyone getting the protein and carbs and veggies and water that they need to FUEL their bodies.

I'd rather be a happy healthy 18 than a miserable 10 ever again. Yes I get fewer compliments than my figure but I'm in my 40s not my 20s and that's got way more to do with it. What I do get plenty of nice things said about? My glowy smooth skin, my fashion sense, my positive energy.

I'm another one who is finding it hard to believe you are completely happy with your weight. I think what you are happy with is the acceptance that you have given up trying to lose weight (you must have been trying since you were doing calorie counting). I also find it hard to believe that hoards of people are coming to you and telling you to use WLI because you are overweight. I think if you could go down to a size where you are not considered overweight you'd do it in a second if it didn't involve a lot of effort.

OP you can use WLIs differently to your friend. I’ve been taking them for 6 months and I’ve lost 2 stone. I’ve been eating normally, just healthier food and smaller portions. I wasn’t looking for a quick fix, I wanted to lose weight and improve my health. The injections have made it easier

I think there are a lot of people, like your friend, who risk damaging their health by using the injections to starve themselves. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

@Nanda66 my friends on the WLIs say they can’t eat anything and feel sick when they do, they’re not just saying it as I’ve been out for food with them and they literally eat a few bites, can’t manage anymore and start belching and feeling sick. I just think it looks really unappealing, despite the drastic weigh loss.
One is always talking about bowel movement problems and acid in the throat at night. Tummy aches after eating anything.

If you’re happy with you, then that’s all it needs to be.

What others may think is irrelevant.

We all need to love ourselves. 👍

If you are happy as you are good for you. WLI are something to bear in mind if you gain weight and become unhappy with your weight.

I'm 5'8 and have lost 2 stone with Mounjaro going from 14st5 to 12st5. I have stayed on the injection for a year now. I feel happier, healthier and more able to do my physically active nightshirts.

I had also been gaining half a stone each year before the jabs, so I think without them I would be around 15 stone by now. I have been able to maintain this weightloss pretty effortlessly (on the jabs) and as a 47 year old night shift worker with a special needs child I am very grateful for the help the jab gives me.

What you have said about your friend not eating OP is very concerning. I pretty much never miss a meal - I don't want to lose hair and bone mass. I would like to lose more weight (I am BMI 27 now I think) but I'm aiming for around a stone over the next year. I will calorie track to get a small calorie deficit. If someone is unable to eat on the jab they should reduce their dose.

As someone whose weight has been up and down throughout my adult life, and now in my 50s, believe me I know it gets harder as you age - and this is certainly something the OP should bear in mind.

Absolutely. I started IF and exercising and watching what I ate at 45 and lost 2 stone in 6 months. Kept that weight for 4 years. Menopause hits put it straight back on so resumed my old good habits. Very very slow loss now at 51.

What are you OP? 36? That's young enough for weight not to have had an impact on your health. You may find that as you get older that changes, and being lighter would help you to avoid joint pains, some of the effects of peri/menopause, and lower your risk of other illnesses. So I think its probably something to keep under review.
A woman's life is about more than how sexually attractive she looks and feels, and how well she fits the stereotype of cuddly mum/grandma. It's about quality of life well into old age and being a healthy weight makes a big difference.

Being slim is not important in itself of course, but I think that all adults, except the elderly or those with an injury or physical disability, should be fit enough to carry heavy shopping up a few flights of stairs or easily sprint a couple hundred metres for the bus, for example.

Also, presumably the risk of sustaining injuries, as well as the impact of an injury once you have one, increase the heavier you are. So that's another consideration.

I don’t think you’re truly comfortable because you’ve thought of 1000 reasons to justify being comfortable. It strikes me as the lady protesting too much…

I’m the same height as you and an hourglass. At my heaviest I was a size 20 and I was 7 stone overweight. I’d say I was easily 5-6 stone overweight as a size 18. I’d hasten to guess you must also be at least 5 stone overweight as a size 18. That isn’t healthy, whichever way you want to dress it up.

My Mum feels that way on them too. She’s been a constant yo-yo dieter my whole life. Same height as me, about 15 stone at her absolute heaviest and about 9 stone at her lightest when I was a child but she looked extremely sick and was extremely sick mentally at the time.

She’s tried pretty much every diet plan out there - back and forth to Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Atkins, 5:2, slim fast, special K, cabbage soup at her lowest… What she’s never ever done is stick to exercise and I have no idea why. She thinks if she just starves herself for a few weeks all will be fine.

Now she’s using WLI as a quick fix and yes she just doesn’t feel like eating, feels sick most of the time, can only stomach extremely small portions. Why does she torture herself when she could just start running or swimming or going to the gym?

That’s how I lost the weight. No crap fad diets. Stopped eating junk, lowered my portions and started running and lifting weights! Kept it off.

@DancingflamingosYour friends are taking too high a dose or not managing it properly. I haven’t had any side effects since the first couple of weeks but I’ve increased the dose slowly as I’m not interested in a quick fix and I’m not going to risk damaging my health by not eating. I’m almost 6 months in and I’m only now increasing to 7.5mg. It is perfectly possible to use the WLIs as a tool to help with losing weight combined with exercise and healthy eating.

Two stone isn’t a big weightloss in 6 months compared to the results some have had. But I feel fitter, healthier, happier and more confident.

My friend was a size 18 for 30 years. She always maintained she was perfectly happy. She dressed well, always looked lovely although she was careful about what she could wear.

A year ago, she started on mounjaro. She’s lost 50 pounds to date and looks fucking sensational. She’s also doing things she’d decided were behind her (at only 52) - she’s bike riding, horse riding and playing tennis. She’s also ditched her ‘fat’ uniform and is wearing jeans, shorts and dresses and loving clothes again. It’s like a light has been switched on inside her.

No-one could convince me they’re happier fat than thin.

Have they told you what does they are on? This isn’t the usual experience of WLI, it’s the one people have who still don’t take responsibility for their wellbeing and just try to suppress their appetite to lose as much as they can as fast as they can. There really is another side to WLI, one that supports a healthy lifestyle. Sure it doesn’t work for all and some people will get side effects even at low doses, but the vast majority of stories about awful side effects and barely eating come from irresponsible use.

Can't you just enjoy the fact that you are happy in your own skin? Honestly, it sounds as if you are looking for things to worry about.

Just because lots of people are happier being thinner doesn't mean you should feel that way too, you have your own mind!

That supposes that people don’t do these things
i wear jeans, skirts, shorts, spin classes, play netball etc etc, I don’t feel my weight has held me back but I’ve never been below a size 12/14 in my adult life (5ft 11)