AIBU about another parent saying my kid has learning difficulties

[Buyer97462]

Hi

My daughter who is 7 has a best friend. Said best friend came to our house after school today and said his Dad had said she has learning difficulties (I don't know the context of the conversation). Daughter is autistic and slightly ADHD but doesn't have any learning difficulties.

Am I unreasonable to be upset by this? I am hopefully not upsetting parents of children with learning difficulties but my child is perfectly capable they just struggle socially. It's particularly upsetting as she has a very small circle of friends and I do worry this kind of impression will make relationships harder.

Apologies I am not saying there is anything wrong with having learning difficulties and probably not putting this across very well.

Am I being unreasonable at being a it upset?
Edited for typo

No, in the UK, learning disabilities refers to low IQ, whereas learning difficulties means dyslexia, dyspraxia, poor (working) memory, etc. As per a pp, I’d say ADHD is a learning difficulty due to the problems with executive functioning, including focus.

I can’t see why OP is offended by the father’s comments? (Speaking as someone with three members of the family with ADHD and autistic traits)

Social skills are still something that is learned so if she's struggling with those skills is it not a learning disability?

Just politely tell the parent that their child said yours has a learning disability, but that you call it xyz instead.

Yes I think this is why other countries are moving towards the term "intellectual disability" instead of learning disability. However for now in the UK LD still= low IQ. Totally understand it's confusing though for those who don't work with those who have LD or have personal experience.

I think that’s a bit unrealistic. I’ve encouraged my family to explain to younger cousins why my child’s behaviour might be atypical. It’s usually obvious to children that other children are different in some way even if they don’t have the vocabulary. If you don’t explain it can lead to them thinking the autistic or ADHD child doesn’t like them very much or other misconceptions.

I don't like saying it but my 10yo has learning difficulties. He is suspected ADHD and has dyspraxia. Often wets himself at school.

It's a term to sum up when a child isn't fitting into the "normal" mould.

It’s just a way to describe a child who may struggle to learn in the same way. You said your child struggles socially- sos he has difficulties with learning the way to behave in that area. I think you are overreacting.

Agree. My DD had a friend with high functioning ASD around 9 and sometimes she couldn’t understand her friend’s reaction to her. I had to explain that the girl had difficulties in that area. It then meant she understood and had more patience. Children can better understand the term leearning difficulties than autistic spectrum disorder.

For me it depends on the intent behind the parents conversation. Where they clumsily trying to explain to their child that yours may need some extra support (aven of only socially)?

If they were kind people I'd just chat with them and the child about it openly.

If they were being mean I'd just be shutting it down.

He might have just used the wrong terminology, I don't think it's anything to get het up about.

I agree with this. My daughter has a friend who has autism and ADHD and struggles socially. At their age it's much easier to explain but a couple of years ago it would have been more difficult. Given the kids are playing together outside school, is most likely the parents were trying to explain difference and just didn't use the right terms. It happens, it not malicious or offensive. Ultimately people are called worse in life so I'd speak to my own child about misconceptions and if the opportunity arose, correct the parents in future.

Is she simplifying what her dad said?

Having autism does mean you have some learning difficulties - you struggle to learn social clues.

Maybe he was explaining how your DD struggles and she simplified it?

Id have explained to the child. They are 7yo so it’s good to get them understand neurodiversity at a young age.

My ds is autistic and now 21. He has some really great friends who embrace his differences but that’s because they have been educated well as to what autism is and it’s challenge.

There's not as much difference between social difficulties and cognitive difficulties as you seem to think: it's all learning. Social intelligence is a thing, and generally boosts cognitive ability.

Learning difficulties and Learning disabilities are not the same.

I think maybe lost in translation where things have been explained simply to a young child. We have a little boy in our daughter's class with ADHD who struggles to sit/learn and can be quite disruptive. I have said he has difficulties with learning because he has ADHD and struggles with focus/sitting still as I want my daughter to have empathy towards his situation and not think of him as a 'bad boy'. It doesn't mean I think he has learning difficulty by the usual definition (dyslexia/dyscalculia etc.) or learning disability (usually defined by IQ).

Perhaps the dad wasn't sure how to explain to a small child what conditions your daughter has and so used that term instead. I'd just say next time you speak to him that X said DD had learning difficulties, just wanted to let you know she has SEN rather than LD, for if/when you want to have further conversations with your DC.

And leave it at that.

I would probably have referred to someone with adhd/autism as having a learning difficulty (I have both fyi). i have heard others do the same.

it’s only since reading your post that it’s made me realise it isn’t really the correct term, it just never crossed my mind before .

i don’t think it’s meant in a malicious way though op. ❤️

SEN and learning difficulties are the same thing.

How can she be slightly ADHD? She either has it or she doesn't?

I am an adult with ADHD (autism too) and I have recently listed myself as having learning difficulties on a form because I've come to realise its true. I don't process and hold information 'normally'.
I can't be given instructions once and left to my devices. I need to be shown, visually and a lot of the time I write stuff down so I remember.
It will often take me days to master something soneone else may get in minutes.

I have difficulty learning.

3 ND kids. No doesnt upset me to have kids described that way.
They do have sen which some people interchange with the term learning difficulties

and slightly ADHD

An interesting turn of phrase.

Then you need to be having a conversation with the father and politely and gently advising him to choose his own words wisely when explaining any child’s particular circumstances. His way of explaining things sounds very old fashioned to me.

He’s used an m umbrella term to explain in an age appropriate simplistic way

Yes I was going to say this. Some people just use learning difficulties as a catch all term for disabilities. If the child was asking questions it can be hard to explain to a child if you don't know the right words/aren't educated or experienced with the topic.

This - surprised by some of these replies!
Why is he even commenting on your daughter like that to his child?
I think "did he mean it as an insult or fact?" posters are completely missing the point.