to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Woman I work with is early 20's and has been with her OH for six moths. She was getting really pissed off with him because he hadnt asked her to be his GF. Me and another colleague (just turned 30), both said that after 6 months being BF/GF was a given surely, they had had the "exclusive" conversation a few weeks in. Imo thats when they became an official couple but she insists not.

Then she came into work all smiles as he had officially asked her and it involved a fancy meal, flowers, that sort of thing....basically a mini proposal!

She insists that this is how it should be done and that until the man asks the woman to be his GF they are still just dating. She was genuinely surprised when other colleague and I said that we had never done this and had never heard of it.

I think this is a) not a thing and b) nuts, but am I wrong and out of date given I am in my fifties?

Main Character syndrome. Everything has to be lived as though they are in a TV show.

God, I thought ‘talking stage’ (so making being friends and potentially interested in each other into a relationship status) was stupid enough but this is ridiculous.

It's American Netflix shite. If you're going with someone for a while then you're in a relationship as boyfriend, girlfriend or 'partner'. There's no need whatsoever for an elaborate, made up 'ceremony' or public display to announce it. Honestly, young folk these days are so wet you could wring them out...

"None of the guys go steady because it wouldn't be right
to leave their best girl home on a Saturday night...
I get around..."

Or approximately so (Beach Boys).

I remember dm telling me that when she was a teen/early 20s, you might have two or three boys that took you out, and that was acceptable. I can't remember what she called that. You only became boy/girl friend if you decided you were exclusive and then you were "courting".
It was much less serious than dating - until you were courting, and then it was much more serious than just being boy/girl.

More American bollocks copied by sheep

It was a thing when I was in primary school... but not as an adult..

Wait what you all don’t date? Explain the period between “Hi my name is “ and “I do”.

I can’t say I remember any spouse vending machines when I lived in Scotland but maybe that’s an English thing 🤣

DH and I have been together just over 10 years and that’s exactly what happened with us. He asked me out, I said yes and that was it from then on for both of us. We are both pretty old though 😂. I’m so glad I don’t have to go through all this.

I am 40 and agree with you but I work with an early 30’s girl who goes on about this, we were all sent videos when he eventually asked her to be his girlfriend, blows my mind! I have been with my DH for 20+ years and I don’t think he ever asked me to be his girlfriend 😂

I'm very glad I'm out of this, one way or the other.
Very glad. (46, long term married, won't be "dating" again).

Exactly this. DH and I had a shag after a party, went out to dinner the next night, had another shag, got engaged 5 months later and married a year after that.

I don’t think dating is American, although the word maybe is. My auntie in the 1950s/60s used to have several “gentlemen callers” (haha) turn up to take her for a walk on a Sunday afternoon. Apparently the streets would be full of other “couples” doing the same. It wouldn’t involve sleeping with these men, but wasn’t exclusive. Presumably, they’d get to know who they liked best by doing this.

It’s similar these days I guess with the added complication of having sex with possibly multiple partners, which is where I would personally draw the line. I would never want to be in a situation where I found myself pregnant and couldn’t say with absolute certainty who the father of my child must be (accounting for the fact that no contraceptive is 100%).

I am 40, been with my husband for 20 years. He never asked to to his girlfriend I think I’ve missed out. Gonna request a present and night out 😂😂😂

Yeah, my DS (17) was telling me that one of his friends is talking to a girl, apparently they've been out a few times but they're not together. I said it sounds like they're in negotiations and he agreed that's pretty much it!

Then again, he was mates with his now girlfriend for a long time, with all their mutual friends urging them to get together as they clearly liked each other. Eventually she said something along the lines of "are we getting together then?!" and that was that. Fair play to her, she'd have been waiting forever for him to make a move.

I thought there was dating where you could be seeing other people at the same time, very casual sort of thing. Then after a few dates you became ‘exclusive’ and stopped dating other people and you labelled who they are to you as boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. After that if you’re so inclined you move in together, maybe get married if that’s your bag, and that’s it. Party comes after the wedding. Possibly followed by a party after the divorce comes through.

I didn’t realise there was a whole proposal like thing for being exclusive. Sounds exhausting and also maybe fun. I don’t understand it, but I’m maybe too old.

It seems to be a thing. When I was younger, you went out with someone 4 or 5 times and they were just your boyfriend.

Oh and in answer to the OP, I’ve never heard of it. My teenage niece had a boyfriend she went on a few dates with and normal stuff. I think if you’ve had the exclusive talk then you are bf/gf and I don’t know what they’re on about needing a ceremony and flowers to propose that they are bf/gf when they clearly already are.

I wonder if it's all part of the having to make every single life event into a Thing - like having graduation parties when leaving nursery or primary school. In the old days you just - left. Now it's all got to be marked with balloons and cake and photographs...

My husband never asked me to be his gf ever yet here we are 16 years later married with 2 kids 🤣🤣🤣

Tbh I never knew this was a thing lool

My now husband and I had a period of about 3 months where we met up regularly on what seemed like dates but we didn’t actually call it dating. We finally kissed and decided we were in a relationship. So retrospectively we’ve decided that 3 months was ‘courting’

Can a girl make this "decision" or do they have to wait for the male to decide?????
Please tell me this isn't true!!!

Ah, but have they changed their SM statuses?

Cos unless they post on their they are in a relationship - its not real ;)

I friend of mine lived in the US and Canada in the 1990s and I definitely remember her talking about this sort of nonsense.

Yes it is only up to the bloke. So they can keep girls hanging on for as long as they like

YANBU, it's utterly ridiculous. The man gets to decide when they will be officially boyfriend and girlfriend? Excuse me while I throw up. No self-respecting woman should countenance such tripe. I feel the same about marriage proposals BTW. Blech.