to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Woman I work with is early 20's and has been with her OH for six moths. She was getting really pissed off with him because he hadnt asked her to be his GF. Me and another colleague (just turned 30), both said that after 6 months being BF/GF was a given surely, they had had the "exclusive" conversation a few weeks in. Imo thats when they became an official couple but she insists not.

Then she came into work all smiles as he had officially asked her and it involved a fancy meal, flowers, that sort of thing....basically a mini proposal!

She insists that this is how it should be done and that until the man asks the woman to be his GF they are still just dating. She was genuinely surprised when other colleague and I said that we had never done this and had never heard of it.

I think this is a) not a thing and b) nuts, but am I wrong and out of date given I am in my fifties?

Yes it is sadly -
before that you are just ‘seeing each other’-
bollox to playing along with that (see also that ‘poly’ cool girl nonsense women feel they have to accept while dating
Shudder…

It used to be quite straightforward.
Asked out, went out on dates, became girlfriend and boyfriend. Didn't go out with anyone else at the same time, that was two-timing. I'm 57.

It all seems a bit vague these days.

The sooner children are banned from social media the better.

It’s all very tedious but it’s definitely a thing - talking stage, dating, becoming exclusive, becoming official.

Asking over a fancy dinner with flowers, etc is new to me though.

Derailing slightly but please explain what "Situationship" actually means!

I hate the word because it sounds bloody stupid, but it makes me even more cross because I dont know what it is lol!

My husband and I started as FWB, so we definitely needed to have that ‘sooo it seems I’ve fallen for you’ but we chatted on a walk, no flowers or a mini proposal here. When it was Facebook official that was that

I know from my 24yo Dd this is indeed a thing. And apparently it’s not a thing in Canada (no idea about America). Her Canadian bf assumed they were gf/bf and she told him he had to ask her. So he thinks it’s a crazy U.K. thing.

Did this come from Love Island?
Wasn’t there something on there about having to eventually decide you were going to be gf and bf, and a big announcement followed?

Or is it that social media is a continual buffet, where you can chat & hook up at will? Maybe the bf/gf announcement is saying that (for now) you’re no longer looking?

This is a thing my DDs in their 20s have told me all about it. Apparently the man can carry on dating anyone they like until they decide that you are the one suitable enough to be come exclusive with. It could take months. I don't know why girls today put up with it. In my day if a lad asked you out you were going out with only them until you slit up.

My mum is almost 70 and apparently it wasn’t unusual when she was younger among her peers to be dating a couple of different men at once and then decide which once you liked best after a few weeks and then you’d agree to “go steady” which meant you were boyfriend and girlfriend. (How my dad ended up the winner in this scenario remains ever a mystery, but he did ride a motorcycle and have an earring, so maybe that was it.)

I suppose it’s really just that, for younger people, but with the addition of people on Tik Tok telling you how it should be done and that it should be like a proposal that you can video and show to all your friends. I don’t think it’s universal though, none of my younger colleagues seem to have done it.

Sounds quite cruel. 'Stringing along' it used to be called.

I think the whole dinner thing is OTT but I do sort of get how this happens in a generation that are commitment phobic.

FWIW I was in a similar situation because we were both adamant we didn’t want a committed relationship, but we weren’t with anyone else and everybody knew we were (at the time) crazy about each other and just rolled their eyes when we said we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. After about 13 months we had a chat and agreed we were BF/GF but it didn’t really change anything and ultimately we broke up a few months later. Don’t think it did us any harm to not call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend immediately.

It is immensely stupid. But is also a real thing 🤢
My understanding is that you are dating someone, even sleeping with them, but not exclusively. It can look and feel like a gf/boyf thing, but it's crucial to check you're both in the same page with what's going on and to outline your expectations/check they align align.
As I discovered when starting out dating after divorce.....

The point that he has to ask her has enraged me, but then I get cross with young women wringing their hands because he hasnt proposed yet, instead of having a proper grown up "I would like to get married to you, what do you think" type conversation.

Why are so many women happy to give away their freedom to decide their life path to men?! I thougt we were getting past this and yet here we are again.

And a good point by PP that a certain type will definitely use this as a cheaters get out clause.

The only benefit I can see is that you can shag multiple people without being accused of cheating. It all seems a bit sad, formal and calculated.

This is more or less how it goes I believe. Years ago my son told me that one of his friends was concerned as he was going on holiday with a girl he had been seeing for 6 months and he thought she was expecting him to ask the question. I said that was a bit soon thinking engagement but, no, they were going on holiday but were not yet officially gf/bf. Just nonsense.

I have only had one BF since divorce and we did it the old fashioned way! Although we didnt call each other BF/GF because it felt faintly ridiculous at our ages! So we went from dating to "DP" and there was never really a conversation about it. I have decided since we split to stay single and reading about current dating expectations, I am very happy with that decision!

So do the girls see lots of different lads too I wonder before becoming 'exclusive'.

I would've absolutely hated this if it was a thing when I was young. Although having multiple lads interested in me, well who am I kidding chance would've been a fine thing 😂

I'm 37. Been with my (now) DH eight years. We were together three months before having the exclusive conversation. Before that I'd have been annoyed if he's got with anyone else but it wouldn't have been a breach of trust.

Oh what bollocks. I despair.

Did he formally ask "Will you please be my girlfriend?"? Because apparently he should have done!

Yes, I’ve seen a YouTube short from an American who lives in France. She posts interesting videos about cultural differences and recently spoke about this, saying she had twice discovered she had a boyfriend without realising it!

Ha yes this!!

I’m not aware of this at all. Is crackers

I think after a few weeks of seeing dh I probably made a “am I your girlfriend then?” type comment in a jokey informal way. He probably said “I guess so” and then that was that. 20 years ago!

Me and my husband have been together 14 years, we were “seeing” each other for about 4 weeks and then he just said to me “so are we going out or what?” And the rest is history 🤣🤣

the issue is all these love islanders coming out the villa and making a big show of asking someone to be their gf, it’s more OTT than a marriage proposal!!

I was never asked to be an official girlfriend, but I married him anyway.

I do think it's a 'thing', now. My grandson (23) has just informed me he has asked the girl he is going out with to be his 'girlfriend'....happily she has accepted.