to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Woman I work with is early 20's and has been with her OH for six moths. She was getting really pissed off with him because he hadnt asked her to be his GF. Me and another colleague (just turned 30), both said that after 6 months being BF/GF was a given surely, they had had the "exclusive" conversation a few weeks in. Imo thats when they became an official couple but she insists not.

Then she came into work all smiles as he had officially asked her and it involved a fancy meal, flowers, that sort of thing....basically a mini proposal!

She insists that this is how it should be done and that until the man asks the woman to be his GF they are still just dating. She was genuinely surprised when other colleague and I said that we had never done this and had never heard of it.

I think this is a) not a thing and b) nuts, but am I wrong and out of date given I am in my fifties?

I was a teenager in the 90s. No one dated.

You'd get off with someone in the pub/ club. Maybe a couple of times. You'd then go to the pub together, not as part of a group. Fairly quickly you'd find yourself in a relationship. I think it would have been better (for me) to have been allowed to 'date' a few at once, then decide.

When I met dh in my 20s, we went pretty much straight to bed. About a month later, we decided we were only go to bed each other and that was a lifetime ago.

Im 35. This is alien to me but it unfortunately i see it all over the place...rooms full of flowers/balloons, will you be my girlfriend spelled out in candles..its mind-blowing. I blame shows like love island etc

Cheezus wept. I'm so glad I am not in a position of having to put up with this utter wankery.

I am not familiar with it, and the young women I know are not familiar with it either. It seems very 'Love Island!' A man seeing a woman, but not being 'closed off,' so if someone else comes along, and he fancies her, he can ask her out, because he and his other squeeze are not 'exclusive.'

They are not exclusive until he puts on a big show of fucking rose petals scattered around the villa, and a big bottle of wine, and asks her to 'be his girlfriend...' 🙄

Fuck that shit.

As a pp said, even in the mid 2020s, this ludicrous shite is still around. Young women waiting to be asked by a man to be his 'girlfriend.' Basically waiting for a man to want her, to desire her, to love her.... FML!

When DH asked me out and I said yes, (a hundred years ago, OK about 38 years ago!) and we arranged a second date, that was it, we were dating. If I had caught him piss-farting around with another woman, I would assume we were 'off' and would have waved him goodbye and moved on. He never did that though because, well... he was with me/dating me. I was his girlfriend...

It is clearly a thing now, (this 'we're only seeing each other, and not boyfriend and girlfriend' shite,) as some posters are saying they have recently known it happen. But as I say, this doesn't happen to the young women I know. None of them would put up with it truth be told.

As has been said, it seems to be largely in favour of the man to not 'commit' properly, until HE is ready... Funny that.

As I said, fuck that shit. Young women need to stop allowing this to happen!

Yeah OP, it's some modern bollocks young people do nowadays. At least in the UK, I don't know about other countries.
Ridiculous.

Yes. I'm 70 and never went on formal 'dates'.

Yes. This was how we did it in the 70s.

@Swiftie1878- yeah I guess you learn more about a place by watching TV shows than by living here 😄.
I asked my kids if this is a thing and the answer was 'omg mum it's not the 1950's'

My DD is in her late 20s, and so are my 2 nieces, and they would not partake in this utter shite. This 'pick me, pick me' bollocks. I despair for humanity that some young women are putting up with this.

Sounds like Insta generation nonsense.

When you watch videos all day of Kardashians getting a thousand odd roses every time they fart you get the impression that 'milestones' need to be special enough to post about, I guess.

IMO, the whole GF/BF thing is all a bit High School.

I waited for a big red-headed man to kidnap me in the middle of the night a la Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, but it hasn't happened. So, dating it is.

I am mid 50’s and went on dates to restaurants, cinema, days out in London and so on.

God I would hate to be young now. Shit like this and baby showers, elf on the shelf, instragrammable moments. All a load of total wank.

When I were a lass even "dating" as in ongoing, wasn't really a term, in my part of the world anyway. You would go on "a date" maybe a couple more individual dates but after that you were pretty much "going out" with the other person and would refer to your boyfriend/girlfriend until such time as the relationship progressed to engaged or you split up.

I don't ever recall having a discussion about "exclusivity". If you were "going out" with someone it would have been considered bad form at the least to be seeing someone else at the same time, likely leading to a dumping..

My kids are around 30 and this is exactly how it’s done in their circles.

my husabnd has never taken me for a fancy dinner with flowers ever I dont ithnk! but I dont ithnk it means he doesnt love me

When I got with DP 8 years ago, we did have a conversation where I said something like.. I know this is going to sound really stupid and childish, but are we boyfriend and girlfriend at this point? We had a laugh about it and talked it through. It did feel stupid to say, but I do think if there's any uncertainty about where you stand in a relationship, it's always worth talking it through.

I'm affronted for them, I really am. 😆

Come to think of it, a boy did once ask me to be his girlfriend. We were in P6 and it lasted about a week.

54 here and I met my bf's at school, in the pub/club , in the street 😱 and at work even boss's and I have never used a dating app in my life, so I think it's safe to say that dating and everything else is a bit different now.

Talking, speaking, dating (not sure on the order) but all stages of not being in a relationship. God knows! We had a snog at a party after a couple of months of flirting and never looked back 😂 26 years later!

I think there's a misunderstanding.

Women especially in their twenties now are prioritising their time. It's the antithesis of 'pick me'

They are being influenced by 'girl get your money' types.

It goes something like: "I am a woman who is young and at my peak. I can pick and choose. My fertility is not a never-ending asset, so my time is important. I will not remain exclusive with you or any man, unless I know you're serious and are firmly committed. Until then, I am still on the market (as are you) and am still free to date whoever else comes along, and will be looking for better things. Sure we can hang out and have fun. But if another guy turns up then it's fair game. So you need to formally announce that we are serious. Then I will come off the market and be your exclusive girlfriend. No games, no head fucks."

That's how I've seen it explained online.

Is this what was called 'going steady' or is that before? It is all nonsense and I can't help think it's just another excuse for a cheesy reel for social media.

I’m 30 and my husband asked me specifically to be his girlfriend 12 years ago. Of course it’s a thing… it features in many films and TV shows. Try not to rain on peoples parade with your eye rolls and snark. She’s allowed to feel happy.

I'd never heard of this but I just asked my 17 and 19 year old DDs and was told it's absolutely a thing. I am still confused but as my DDs told me "it's not the olden days anymore mum. There's loads of different stages in a relationship."
Olden days? I'm 45 not 75!

Sounds a bit school kid -ish really 🤔