to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Woman I work with is early 20's and has been with her OH for six moths. She was getting really pissed off with him because he hadnt asked her to be his GF. Me and another colleague (just turned 30), both said that after 6 months being BF/GF was a given surely, they had had the "exclusive" conversation a few weeks in. Imo thats when they became an official couple but she insists not.

Then she came into work all smiles as he had officially asked her and it involved a fancy meal, flowers, that sort of thing....basically a mini proposal!

She insists that this is how it should be done and that until the man asks the woman to be his GF they are still just dating. She was genuinely surprised when other colleague and I said that we had never done this and had never heard of it.

I think this is a) not a thing and b) nuts, but am I wrong and out of date given I am in my fifties?

I was thinking the same thing as I was typing my post above. 😄

It totally is. I watch enough American TV shows to know.

If this is a “thing” then my partner (almost 7 years engaged, just over 8 together, with a wedding pending AND a small child) aren’t going out!!!! We never even had the “talk”. Just sort of fell into a relationship after a ONS (which clearly it wasn’t lol!!), after 20 years of friendship and on/off seeing each other! It means I’m single really!!!! Whoop might open the prosecco ( joking oc!!).

I know a couple of lads who’ve done the ‘girlfriend’ proposal with flowers, balloons, cake etc. Honestly, made me cringe but I guess the girls liked it. It’s definitely a thing if you’re teens / 20s.

My colleague is very heavily influenced by SM, she follows influencers, so I imagine she got it from there.

But what do they all mean? When I were a lass "seeing someone" meant you were shagging but not really committed. Is that still the same?

What about "talking to"? Is that also a euphemism for shagging? Or does it mean dating? In which case how is it different to the dating stage? Or does it literally mean just talking, as in they either know each other through friends or work and haven't been out on a date yet but are showing signs of liking each other - or it's OLD and they haven't met yet so are literally just talking/messaging?

Very confused...

My man told me I was his gf after about 3 weeks! I said, "have I been promoted then"? He said yes. We were both happy.

Opposite with me!
I have heard of it and thought it was the way everyone did it these days.
I don't think it's a big deal though, is it?

Unfortunately it absolutely is a thing…..

DS(18) has been “seeing” a girl for nearly 6 months now (they’ve known each 6 years….) and they’ve been on dates, he’s been to her house, met her mum, I’ve spoken to her on the phone…..

she’s absolutely NOT his girlfriend though (because apparently that brings a whole extra level of effort?!) but he is thinking about asking her to be….

No, I don’t get it either!!

My 23yo DD has gone through this exact thing just before Christmas. A guy she’d been seeing for a few months presented her with flowers and officially asked her to be his girlfriend! I think it’s cute!

I thought talking to was before people have actually met or they know if each other through mutual friends and then start chatting/texting letting it be known they fancy each other.

Yeah, in my day there was not even an 'exclusivity' convo. If you hung out/dated a few times and slept together several times then you were bf/gf.

Unless it was very obviously an FWB or ONS type situation.

My grandma used to ask me Are you courting any one yet? I didn't know what she was talking about, and it was so embarrassing.

I remember asking my ex if we were bf and gf? He replied I thought we were just messing around. Probably should have been a clue right there that it was never going to end well.

I don't remember the moment me and my partner now became exclusive. There definitely wasn't a special dinner or anything

It doesn't have to be sexist. My daughter was dating different boys until one said he wanted to be exclusive and she considered her options and said yes, and let the others know! I think it's weird. It was only for about two weeks though, not six months.

I think having the exclusivity chat seems weird, I have dated over 50 and we did have the chat but it was a bit of a non-event as neither of us would have been sleeping with or even doing dinner with other people within about a week of meeting, so no 'proposal' was needed. I just felt I had to check nowadays...

Seems performative and a bit juvenile to me, but what do I know. I met my husband when I was 21 so the whole world of dating is completely alien to me! (Though I live vicariously through my single friend who is on Tinder. Her stories make my eyes water!)

@blubberball 'are you courting anyone?' or, to my mum 'is she courting?' was something my great-uncle used to ask. Old times.

Well at least that sort of makes sense. So flirting, basically?

I did ask on a thread on here once, and was more or less told not to be so stupid and that I couldn't seriously be asking what it meant.

Yes. I suppose the other benefit is that you make an enormous ceremonial fuss out of nothing so that you can take loads of photos for people to say "Beautiful" to.

I may be wrong but this is what I think it is after watching Love Islsnd and TOWIE 😆

I think that’s really sweet and provides transparency and certainty.

its just a side effect of the way people date now

Never heard of this but then I’m over the hill

Same. Cringing wasn’t it

Same.

How do you know otherwise? A few dates doesn’t make someone a bf/gf.

I saw enough drama in secondary and uni over people deciding over a date or a few kisses that they were exclusive/ bf/gf but the other person didn’t see it the same way.

I rather have the conversation/communication so all are on the same page.

Definitely a thing, the whole thing doesn’t make much sense to me. I’m married in late 20’s now and we were just together from dating but some of my friends are dating now and it baffles me the different stages there are. For me if you are dating and not dating anybody else then surely that is boyfriend/girlfriend, but apparently not!

Yep utter batshit! It's a thing now. Women who hold down real jobs making real decisions managing staff and huge multi million budgets, but still wait to be asked, asked out, asked to exclusive, asked to be a girlfriend and asked to marry. What the fuck is that all about?
Although I remember my dm telling me that in her day you didnt "step out" with a man without the expectation that you would be marrying them and she was lamenting that. Doesn't feel much like progress though.