to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Woman I work with is early 20's and has been with her OH for six moths. She was getting really pissed off with him because he hadnt asked her to be his GF. Me and another colleague (just turned 30), both said that after 6 months being BF/GF was a given surely, they had had the "exclusive" conversation a few weeks in. Imo thats when they became an official couple but she insists not.

Then she came into work all smiles as he had officially asked her and it involved a fancy meal, flowers, that sort of thing....basically a mini proposal!

She insists that this is how it should be done and that until the man asks the woman to be his GF they are still just dating. She was genuinely surprised when other colleague and I said that we had never done this and had never heard of it.

I think this is a) not a thing and b) nuts, but am I wrong and out of date given I am in my fifties?

What has happened to people's ability to have conversations? It all seems to be about 'the woman' waiting for 'the man' to do things nowadays and getting pissed off if he doesn't.

Women - have a conversation about where your relationship is going. Have a conversation about living together or getting married or having children. Don't sit passively waiting for an insta-worthy surprise event that might never happen.

Even if you have 'the talk' and become BF/GF there is nothing to stop either party cheating on that. People lie, married men (and women) have affairs.

Yes.

ETA: I didn't actually drink back then but that was basically what happened.

I have been the higher earner in my marriage for 80% of the time.I also enjoy sex. None of that changes the fact that current dating norms allow men to behave like complete dickwads with no comeback.

Haha! Well, it didn't always work out that's true but we didn't have named stages. I'm 70 and was a bit like you

I thank my lucky stars daily that neither me nor my partner are of an age where “asking for exclusivity” and “asking to be someone’s girlfriend” were not a thing! In my very old fashioned opinion (I’m 39), you meet someone and if you get along you carry on seeing them, and dating someone else at the same time would be considered cheating!

This scares me for when my two year old and six month old are older 😅 I can’t keep up with all this NOW let alone in 15 years!!

I also thought that it used to just be after you had gone out a few times you were boyfriend/girlfriend by default and stopped dating anyone else - but I did just remember the social significance of becoming "Facebook official" during the first couple of decades of the 2000s.This sounds similar, culturally?

I’m a similar age and it is a thing with some people of all ages nowadays .

If you read relationships/dating threads on here you’ll see people in their 50s and beyond going through the same “process”.

Honestly IME having dated men aged 30-45, it depends on the individual, what they think of their dating partner, the norms in their circle and quite frankly what they feel they can get away with.

It reminds me of a conversation a couple of years ago with my DD then aged 23:
Me: so are you a couple?
DD: Not sure we haven't had the conversation yet
Me: what conversation do you need? You've been dating for a year now?
DD: Yeah, maybe,, not officially for all that time.
Me; Lets simplify it - have you had sex? On a regular basis?
DD: Eewww Mum - yes we have!
Me: Ok so you're a couple, boyfriend and girlfriend, no need for further analysis.

Why do they complicate it so much?
ps they are now living together having just bought a house together so definitely 'partners'!

Next thing, there’ll be ‘shower’ parties for becoming a GF, and you’ll have to bring a present designed to help her ‘retain his love’ as they used to say in helpful 50s magazine articles. Mind you that was usually as regards marriage - one helpful tip I remember was ‘line all your drawers with fresh paper every week’. 😂😂

I’m pretty ancient, and we never even got engaged, since at the time dh thought ‘getting engaged’ was desperately uncool.

It’s more complicated than that because lots of people have sex regularly with multiple people and are not in a relationship with them. It’s called a friend with benefits or a situationship.

It’s not misogynistic because what people seem to not understand on this thread is that either person can ask or bring it up. If the woman wants to ask him to be her bloke then that’s perfectly normal. It doesn’t follow the proposal ‘rules’ at all.

I’m older and I’ve never done it. If you’re dating, you’re in a relationship. Seems a lot of drama making it “official”.🤷‍♀️

But, each to their own.

It still is for me. I’ve got a distance partner. We’re exclusive and we wouldn’t cheat.

But, no announcements and dramas. 🙄

It is a bit strange. I am not surprised though, everything has to be so out there these days around SM.
My nieces friends boyfriend was murdered extremely tragic, the friends bought her flowers and gifts, after she received them, she wanted to do the walk in again for instagram, big dramatic walk, fake shock at gifts. Also those recording the fire in Switzerland, they’re from a different planet.

Also those recording the fire in Switzerland, they’re from a different planet. It was a party so they might have been recording a anyway given what was going on plus the footage helped ascertain what caused the fire.

But you’re not… if you’re dating you’re going on dates. And can be dating others. I do agree that saying you’re exclusive = boyfriend/girlfriend. Because that’s the whole point of exclusivity.

Sorry but that makes your niece sound psychopathic. Did you not say anything to her?

Ach let the young 'uns date how they date. Nothing wrong with a bit of romantic ideation in a couple.

I think the scary prospect for me would be if two people who were together had completely different interpretations, so if I became single and met someone who I was happily dating, I’d be there thinking we were a couple and they could well be seeing multiple people because we hadn’t had a conversation that I didn’t think was needed! If I ever become single I think I’ll be staying that way 🤣

Blimey. How things have changed. In my day you were GF/BF from first date. Exclusivity was taken for granted.

The new “dating” world has been created by men to let them fuck as many women as they can, without any of the previous co-existing expectations.

It is evidence of the return to sexism on a scale not seen for decades. It is designed to humble and objectify women, gives men the power to put down and dismiss any woman as “needy” who actually wants a stable committed relationship.

“Situationship” is something that overwhelmingly benefits men not women. It’s another hideous N American import. Casual sex is of course fine - but all studies since the history of studies show men (as a class) are driven genetically to want as many sexual partners as possible (to get their DNA out as wide as possible) while women (as a class) are driven to want one stable “provider” (to maximise the chance of her DNA surviving).

This is something the youngsters do. My DS and his gf are 17. Initially they were ‘talking’ and then ‘seeing each other’ and then some time later he bought her some flowers and asked her to be his gf. I found it a bit strange but quite sweet. None of my business what terms they use for their relationship- it obviously means something to them even if it doesn’t to me!