To not want to meet friend for coffee today?

[ThestoriesIcouldtellyou]

Just back from a girls weekend. One of my friends didn't organise a way to get back home and slept on another friends sofa last night. Now it's Monday morning and she is at a loose end. All her friends (including me) are working. I work from home. She has asked me for a coffee either after lunch or later l, but I only have an hours lunch break and don't finish work until 5:30pm. Then I'd booked the gym for 6pm, haven't been for a week due to illness and was really looking forward to it. AIBU to just say no? I wouldn't mind meeting for a quick coffee at 1.45 for ten mins but I think she will expect to come to my house and then I have no way to get rid of her.

This would give me the RAGE
How rude inviting herself round

So if you’re blunt with her she would be fine with it. Either way your plan is good. Clearly she’s bored and up for socialising but everyone’s got work on!

”I’m exhausted from the weekend and will be even more so tonight. Early
night is definitely on the cards! Take care getting home x”

Such a shame that a nice trip away together has turned into everyone avoiding her .

I often think that you can't be impolite to these kinds of people as they don't mind doing it to you .

“After the gym I’ll be knackered and it’ll be a soak in the bath then bed for me! Was great seeing you this weekend, take care x”

Time to post and read on mumsnet but no time for a half hour coffee with a friend.

Totally legit.

Match her energy otherwise she can’t interpret what you are saying. Be blunt (for you) she won’t see it as rude.

What have you learned about yourself today? And can you take an action this evening that pushes your personal growth and see it as a developmental opportunity for you.

So - instant ‘No - that doesn’t work for me’ then tell her what you will do. Drop calendar on friends porch on way to gym.

Feel the flex. Also being ‘polite’ and people pleasing is very disingenuous to yourself and to the friendship.

It’s not being direct and honest - and all that this does is allow you to build resentment to her internally and ruin your friendship and she won’t know why.

It’s actually caring and respectful to be open and transparent about your boundaries and expectations.

Good luck. Have a crack at practicing your self esteem. The sky won’t fall in and in the medium term all will be better for the transparency and honesty

Boundaries are your friend.

Please learn to set some. People like this will never "take the hint" and will guilt trip you forever if you let them. So don't. You don't have time for this.

I am far too very invested in how this turns out.

What happened

Sorry, I was genuinely busy today and only just managed to get in bed. I didn't reply to her message inviting herself to my house for the evening because frankly it was just so cheeky. She called me while I was at spinning so I obviously had to ignore that (if told her that's where I'd be). As soon as I got out of the gym I called her to tell her I needed to take a quick shower and still hadn't had dinner. She told me my friend had "got things for dinner by now" (so clearly she thought I'd be making her dinner) and said she'd come round after dinner. I said no, I would drop round right now with the calendar once I'd had a shower at the gym. Went up to our mutual friends house, had a five minute catch up, handed over calendar and got home to make dinner for myself and DS. So I didn't get roped into socialising on a Monday evening. She's a really nice friend, it's just after a whole weekend talking only Italian with ten women, I needed time at home just speaking English and actually not speaking or listening at all. I am not your classic people pleaser as I stick up for myself but she is really pushy sometimes.

Well done OP.

God she’s really rude !
Glad you didn’t fold OP.

She’s not going home because she can’t- kicked out because behind with rent, fell out with partner? Who knows?

Have people lost the art of entertaining themselves? (Not mention picking up on hints!)

That's why you should have just said you were busy all day. By trying to compromise you have actually made things worse!

How rude and entitled just hanging around all day expecting to be entertained/hosted when she only lives an hour away.

She didn't bother planning her travel properly so is now imposing on people and expecting to be cooked for/allowed to stay over when really she needs to be an adult and get herself home, girls weekend is over 🙄

I really don't get this about how her living 'an hour away' is an issue or means she needs entertaining like a visiting dignitary from a far-flung land.
Maybe I've lived in London too long, but for me it's fairly routine to travel for an hour to see someone or go to something.

For you think she can't go home for other reasons and needs support?

Your friend has politely asked if you can meet her. You can’t as you’re working and have plans, so you politely say no I can’t make it today. That’s it.

She invited herself to the OP's place and at a time the OP hadn't suggested
Then she assumed the OP would have been making her dinner and again invited herself over, at a time of HER choosing, not the OP's.
Do you genuinely believe that's polite behaviour?