To not want to meet friend for coffee today?

[ThestoriesIcouldtellyou]

Just back from a girls weekend. One of my friends didn't organise a way to get back home and slept on another friends sofa last night. Now it's Monday morning and she is at a loose end. All her friends (including me) are working. I work from home. She has asked me for a coffee either after lunch or later l, but I only have an hours lunch break and don't finish work until 5:30pm. Then I'd booked the gym for 6pm, haven't been for a week due to illness and was really looking forward to it. AIBU to just say no? I wouldn't mind meeting for a quick coffee at 1.45 for ten mins but I think she will expect to come to my house and then I have no way to get rid of her.

“Sorry, I should have been more clear - I’m not free at all this evening. Was lovely seeing you at the weekend 😊”

Also op, just wondering from your follow up because I think most people would have probably taken the hint, is this friend generally 'difficult' to say no to? Do you tend to be a bit of a people pleaser? If so you need to practice saying no and while initially she might not like it, it will be a really good measure of whether or not it's a friendship worth retaining by her reaction.

In fairness, Mn would be a lot quieter if the wet lettuces didn't post their 'dilemmas', which mostly involve the kind of straightforward 'No, sorry' non- wet lettuces would send within thirty seconds of seeing a text message that proposed something they didn't want to do, and not give it another thought.

Sometimes Mn is a real, if depressing, education in Wet Lettucehood.

Just say no. I have learned that WFH people expect me to blur the lunch break coffee time. I have invited people for a quick brew, been very clear that I have to return to my desk at x time and they still get bloody surprised when I wrap up the coffee time 🙈 so now I don’t do that on my wfh lunch break 😂😂😂

When is she actually planning to travel home. What’s the point of hanging around?!?

It’s sounds like you need to be blunt - will she expect to stay with you?

Friend! Just go home, lady.

Why doesn’t she just go home

It really makes me wonder how people hold down jobs or relationships or manage to get their kids to adulthood. If you can’t even say, “I’m working today and out tonight so can’t do coffee,” then what hope is there!

I would text back "Doesn't work for me, looking forward to catch up soon. Text me when you get home."

If they want to stay over, they should ask directly. It is so strange that they have not made plans for themselves to get home and are still hanging around.

My commute can be 1 hour 45 mins one way. Do they work? Are they avoiding going home or extending a fun weekend?

Just tell her your busy after the gym and not home until late 🤷‍♀️

Tell her you can't do this evening.

I think they're the people who often come on here saying 'I run around doing everything and picking up everyone else's slack and I regularly work unpaid overtime and I still never get promoted!' or 'I literally never say no to a request for help, however unreasonable, so why do I have no friends?'

Do you not worry she will be bored browsing mumsnet and read this 😆

Why are so many people so wet nowaday that they worry about upseting / offending by saying 'no'? It's a very simple word, 2 letters why is it so difficult?
The 'be kind' thing has heavily shit on women. Men wouldn't angst and have to ask randoms whilst wringing their hankies worrying that they might upset some man's delicate feelings. he won't like me any more rubbish.

Just say no! Say, "Sorry, I'm planning on going to bed the minute I get back in from the gym - I'm exhausted after the weekend. See you soon!"

Why can't she just go home?

I have learnt not to give reasons! It’s fine to say ‘Great to have spent some time with you this weekend. Today isn’t going to work but we will catch up some other time soon’

She wants to crash at yours tonight. Good luck getting rid of her!

100% true - ARE YOU LETTUCES GETTING THE MESSAGE YET ?

You’ve got work plus other stuff organised and just spent three days together (not as if you haven’t seen her in weeks). Just a polite ‘sorry got a busy day at work + other stuff’ is enough.

I think as someone else said up thread, my gut was telling me she was going to make me babysit her and I knew I didn't want to. She'd asked me to get her this calendar from work which I need to give her, but she's using that as an excuse to hang out with me as she's bored.
Basically we got a plane back late last night and she already knew when she set off on Thursday that she didn't have a return train from the station to her house, as there are engineering works. Instead of actually making a plan to get home, she slept on my friends' sofa yesterday and a different friends tonight. Friend 2 has offered to give her a lift home in the car as she works in the friend's home town on Tuesday. In the mean time this friend is at a loose end.
The thing is, these two friends were kind enough to offer all this help. I feel almost obliged to take a chunk of time with her as she is basically just drifting between houses, but then again why the hell should I? I never agreed it and I feel like she's trapping me into it. She did something similar with her son once. I invited him to stay the weekend and then she never planned his return journey. I don't want to fall in the trap again. Wish I could find a way to get this calendar to her and avoid the whole thing. I'm tired and socialised out.

No because I live in Italy and she's Lebanese

Just post it to her! There's no need for all this drama.

You shouldn't feel guilty - this nonsense is the consequence of decisions that other people made. It wasn't your idea for anyone to do the things they've done. The other friends have made their choices for their own reasons.

Can you drop off the calendar at one of the friends' houses on the way to/from the gym? You can also say that tonight doesn't work, and you'll post it to her.

It's A3 in a big do not bend box. I'm not paying 15 quid and organising to post her a free calendar that she was also cheeky enough to ask me to get her. I think I might drop it round at the place she is staying tonight, but much later. I am not making dinner for her and entertaining her on my only quiet evening. My friend offered, so she can have her.