To not want to meet friend for coffee today?

[ThestoriesIcouldtellyou]

Just back from a girls weekend. One of my friends didn't organise a way to get back home and slept on another friends sofa last night. Now it's Monday morning and she is at a loose end. All her friends (including me) are working. I work from home. She has asked me for a coffee either after lunch or later l, but I only have an hours lunch break and don't finish work until 5:30pm. Then I'd booked the gym for 6pm, haven't been for a week due to illness and was really looking forward to it. AIBU to just say no? I wouldn't mind meeting for a quick coffee at 1.45 for ten mins but I think she will expect to come to my house and then I have no way to get rid of her.

She lives an hour away, not Mars! You have spent all weekend together and can see her again in a few weeks/months if you want to.

'Tonight won't work unfortunately, let's get a date in for next time'

Tell her you can't today, but can meet her on a different day?

You're not obliged.
What's the point of a 10 minute coffee?

"Erghhh.... that doesn't work my side... family stuff!
Let's rain check. I'll get the coffee next time!"

What is wrong with some people!!!!

Oh Dear God I feel for you!!!

My DH occasionally goes off for the weekend, and I love having the whole house to myself for a whole day or two. The last time he did this, a friend from out of town was visiting a mutual friend who lives down the road, and they decided it was too good an opportunity to miss for the three of us to get together.

My. Whole. Saturday. Afternoon. Gone.

Please tell your friend NOT to drop by - you're planning a soak in the bath after the gym. It won't be just 10 minutes, and if it is just 10 minutes, it is not worth the effort and disruption.

Just say no politely. People need to learn to say no nicely, and not just resent people's requests.
that sounds nice, but I'm working - maybe next time?

Why on earth isn't she heading home herself?

Just tell her no, you can't do this evening, you have plans. Having a quiet evening to yourself is a plan.

Your gut was screaming at you that you needed time out today and that this character was always going to try to intrude and also overstep.

You didn’t listen to your gut - or take the advice here - so no surprises to anyone on this thread (or your gut) to what just happened.

I suspect this is an unnecessary issue in many other areas of your life.

What was your childhood like - did you have to toe the line and accommodate difficult people?

Don't answer the door.

Sorry I'm really confused. She lives an hour away but had to sleep on someone's sofa tonight and spending all of today "at a loose end" because everyone is working. And is still going to be around tonight....?

Why does she not just, you know, go home?!?!

Your friend sounds like a pain but to be fair to her if someone offered to squeeze me in for 10 mins I'd probably suggest an alternative when there was more time as well. She's only suggested it, you are free to say no!

Do you often struggle to stand up for yourself OP?

Why is she not going home?

Oh FFS. 'No thanks friend, I've got plans for this evening. We'll organise a get together some other time'.
If she is insistent after that you've got my permission to get blunt 'It's a no, we'll catch up some other time'.
'As I said - no thanks'.

i don't have any free time i've got plans tonight, will catch up with you another day.

she's not bothered about asking you whether it suits you, so i wouldn't worry about saying no.

Yeah, this. Turn the front lights off in the house except a lamp and lock it.

If she inexplicably couldn’t get home last night, and she apparently still can’t get home today, is she stuck on your friend’s sofa at a loose end forever?

It can’t be 10 minutes, no way, it’s just unrealistic so it’s not worth hassle.
if you have only 10 minutes you’d be better FaceTiming each other.
I don’t see the problem what to answer if you have work today.
Are you keeping the fact that you work a secret? 🤐

Just tell her you have things to do later and that its been lovely seeing her and hopefully not too long till you catch up again.

I genuinely believe when people are told 'I work from home' what they hear is 'I do nothing all day and get paid for the privilage' and that they assume you do all your cooking, cleaning, reading etc instead of working so you should be only thrilled to see them. I actually had to cut a friend out of my life last year for this reason. Well, acquaintance she was but less than that now anyway.

Lordy. Just say “Sorry no can do, l’ll be at the gym until quite late and then have a list of jobs as long as my arm. It was so great to catch up this weekend- I’ll drop you a line in a few weeks…”.

Does this person not have a home to go to? Are they in some sort of abusive relationship? After a girls weekend and a night on the sofa I’d be hanging and wanting to go home for a shower and a nap!

😆I genuinely don't think some of these people can be real 😂 Why would she have even stayed on a friend's sofa last night when she lives an hour away?!

That's something I might have done when I was a teenager / early 20s but as a grown adult, if I cocked up my transport plans after a weekend away, I'd just look at trains / buses / get an Uber and get myself home. FFS.

"No can do, have plans tonight, let's catch up in a few weeks?"

Yes, and, if so, why hasn't she headed home? Why is she hanging about on a working day trying to find people she's just spent the weekend with to hang out with? And is prepared to hang around till the evening? Doesn't she have a life of her own? A job?

Then just say you aren’t free, not sure why you are over complicating this!

Why is your friend not going home? Your first message itself was poorly framed because there is no such thing as a 10 minute coffee. Now that her response suggests she intends to come over, she hasn't actually said what time and whether she will stay for dinner. Be assertive and say that you have unpacking to do and need to unwind after time away and long day at work. Plus will be tired after gym. So sorry, today won't be possible.
What a weird woman!

I´m sure you were like my 7 year old when you where 7. Has this bossy friend and is incapable of saying NO, THAT DOESN´T WORK FOR ME. I am so worried she will become a people pleaser or avoidant instead of saying the polite equivalent of fuck off.

Just say no!