To not want to meet friend for coffee today?

[ThestoriesIcouldtellyou]

Just back from a girls weekend. One of my friends didn't organise a way to get back home and slept on another friends sofa last night. Now it's Monday morning and she is at a loose end. All her friends (including me) are working. I work from home. She has asked me for a coffee either after lunch or later l, but I only have an hours lunch break and don't finish work until 5:30pm. Then I'd booked the gym for 6pm, haven't been for a week due to illness and was really looking forward to it. AIBU to just say no? I wouldn't mind meeting for a quick coffee at 1.45 for ten mins but I think she will expect to come to my house and then I have no way to get rid of her.

Just say no!

This.
Just tell her you aren't free. Plus living an hour away is nothing. I travel that far just to meet for a walk.

Tell her it's not convenient today. You will resent spending time with her.

Jesus

What I'm getting from this thread is that YOU NEED THERAPY to learn to advocate for yourself and put yourself first

Why can't you say no?

Hi Friend, sorry cannot meet up this evening. Thanks for a lovely weekend and safe home.

For goodness sakes, I have no idea why you agreed to meet her for 10 minutes in the first place. That was never going to be 10 minutes was it? Just respond and say that it is not convenient to meet today. I don’t know why she’s suggesting later this evening anyway, is she never going home?!

Tell her it doesn't suit.
That is both very cheeky and bloody rude.

The mind honestly boggles. YABU, OP.

Should be easy enough to message her: "Won't have time at all this evening, so much to catch up on. Thanks for a nice weekend, see you some other time."

Your mistake was telling her you'd go for a 10 minute coffee with her and then going through today's busy work itinerary with her - she'd obviously take that (rightly or wrongly) that it would be better to meet up after work when you're not rushing around as much.
You weren't clear.
If you've been on a full on weekend with her and others, I'd be like you and just wanting to chill and enjoy the peace!
I'd send one back - "sorry, thinking about it a bit more I'm knackered from the weekend and straight into all this work today, can we give it a miss and meet up another day when it's not full on? Let me know when's good for you."
Then leave it. Any reasonable person won't have a problem with that and will say "no worries, see you another time."
If she carries on, not your problem.

Send this.
The end.
So bloody rude.
You do not TELL people you are calling.
On a monday night?
Unbelievable.

Why is this even a mumsnet thread? Someone asked you for a coffee when you’re working and have evening plans so you just say no? I really really don’t understand.

What do you actually need advice for? You’re busy, you say “I’m working today and plan this evening so can’t manage a coffee today.”
Why would you say anything else? I genuinely am confused why you need advice and help on this, and why you didn’t just say no.

This is why you have to learn to say no. This one is on you.

I did think that too - does she have a home to go to?! 😁 You'd think she'd want to get home herself if she's had a weekend away and then a kip on someone's sofa after!

Just say "Sorry friend, it really isn't going to work out for me today"

Or if you must, because you seem to find it hard to just be ordinary and reasonable in saying no, you could add 'so lets see if we can get together at the weekend for a drink in a couple of weeks'

Can’t you txt her back:
Sorry this evening won’t work for me unfortunately as I’m at gym quite late and then will need prepare for tomorrow.

and then offer her a date when you are realistically available and want to see her.

I mean I am a total people pleaser but even I would manage that sort of txt.
Gather your inner strengths together OP

Just reply your busy this evenimh, you’ll catch her next time.

I'm self employed and WFH and have had DECADES of this shit where people assume you can just drop everything and be available because you're tied to an office. You'd think everyone else getting a taste of it during Covid would have improved things, but still the same. People seem to assume if you're home, then you're just sitting there waiting for someone to go off an do something with. No, I have my day fully mapped out between work/gym/making dinner etc!

The absolute cheek!

Enjoy your evening with your friend, OP

No . Doesn't work tonight . CU soon . 😁

Why didn't you just say no? Offering the 10 minute coffee meant she then came up with this alternative plan of coming round in the evening.
You need to work on being more assertive. It says a lot that you needed to come on here to ask if you were being unreasonable not to meet her for coffee after spending the weekend with her and having a full day of work and gym today. You don't have time today. I'd have offered another time on another date.

I don't understand why she isn't making plans to head home. Why isn't she travelling back today? You said she slept on another friend's sofa because she hadn't made plans to get home after the weekend away. She should be on her way home by now, or does she just plan to hang around for a few days?

Why is this woman not going home? Even I’ve had enough of her.

😂She'll inevitably sleep on her sofa too as she obviously won't be able to get back home again with it being all of one hour away.

😆