He wants another child but at whose expense

254 replies

Chattypatty1 · 26/01/2026 09:57

my partner wants another child, we both work full time. His job is not flexible to do pick up and unexpected sick children but mine does.

He is saying we will make it work but at whose expense? He earns £1200 and I £2600 after tax pension etc. For us to make this even barely work it means no savings and any luxuries not even a Netflix subscription.

Am I being unreasonable or is he not realising the hidden jobs I do as a mum to keep us afloat?

I believe it will be me burnt out and bending over backwards to make it work not him.

Advice, opinions and experience would be great to hear. How am I supposed to navigate this ?

OP posts:

BellissimoGecko · 27/01/2026 09:07

ReadingCrimeFiction · 26/01/2026 12:56

When I wrote my last post, I hadn't seen this update.

OP, I am going to take my points above further. I know MN hates an armchair diagnosis but I'm getting strong whiffs of covert narcissist behaviour here (not to say he is one, but the behaviours are in line). The permanent victim mentality where he refuses to take responsibility for anything.

The "woe is me, I'm not good enough" but I'm not going to DO anything about it, I'm just going to use that as an excuse to make YOU feel bad for me, guilty about doing well and/or to ensure that you never criticise me because it might trigger me.

The "Took a less well paying job for happiness" when as a family you're not exactly loaded screams.... he actually got fired or, at the very least, strongly encouraged to leave his last role. How long has he been in this role? Is he speaking positively about it and about his colleagues? Do you get the sense he gets on with them? Because I'd be feeling a bit nervous that actually he's pissing everyone off off and if he's only been there for a whiel, he might not last....

Sadly, I have direct experience. exBIL had a very similar role with very similar pay. And yet, to hear him talk, he was single handedly running the place. Then he resigned.... supposedly for new opportunities but in retrospect, as we've now discovered a) how many disciplinaries he faced and b) we've thought back to the lack of support/parties/ contact when he left, we think he was either fired or strongly encouraged to leave. At last count, he'd had 3 subsequent jobs in the same field - all of which he got quite quickly and easily (talks the talk) but none of which he made it past the probation period before he was asked to leave - on two occassions, while being marched out the door.....

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This. Excellent post.

OP, don’t feel bad about believing your h. He has conditioned you into not questioning him.

How are you feeling today?

VickyEadieofThigh · 27/01/2026 14:08

This 2 hours after school every day for a "meeting" (that he doesn't have to and is not paid to attend) - no teachers have to attend meetings after school EVERY night, either.

I'm massively suspicious of what he's actually doing.

BudgetBuster · 27/01/2026 14:21

Any update @Chattypatty1
Hope you are doing OK

Mintchocs · 15/04/2026 06:49

Chattypatty1 · 26/01/2026 10:25

@Brbreeze when I try to do this he gets extremely stressed and in this head space of he’s not good enough.

He just keeps saying he knows it will work out

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Are you sure you want to stay with this guy? He sounds like hes holding you back and hes also very unreasonable, entitled and selfish. I think itd be a huge mistake to consider ever having another kid with this person.

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