To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

[carnivalqueenthethird]

My family (husband & 2 kids) and my sister and her fiancé go to our parents every weekend for a roast. It’s something we’ve always done so nothing new.

My kids are 4 and 4 months old.

My sister has a new puppy - very cute but obviously hyper. At some point she has agreed with my mum that she can bring the dog round with her every weekend and I’m not happy about it for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the dog albeit a puppy is not being trained so it’s a complete nightmare, shits and wee’s everywhere, no recall etc. I know it will take time but my sister and her fiancé don’t really have the time to train a dog (not sure why they got one in the first place, because their work patterns and lifestyle do not lend themselves to taking care of a dog), so this isn’t going to change any time soon, if at all.

Secondly the dog is constantly jumping up at everyone, playing but biting, its teeth are needle sharp and my 4 year old got bitten last week and it punctured his finger, he now doesn’t like the dog. I also can’t put my baby down on the floor at any point because I know the dog is going to jump all over him and potentially scratch/bite. We are there for a good 5/6 hours every time we go, so to hold a baby for that long is difficult.

I told my parents that we won’t be coming round every weekend if the dog is there. My sister has flown off the handle, which I’m used to, but is saying she can’t leave the dog alone as it’s too young. My mum has started guilt tripping me by saying I’m keeping her grandchildren away.

I have said, I’m not keeping the kids away maliciously, I’m happy to come round if the dog isn’t there, but im not prepared for my oldest to be scared in a house he should feel safe in, and for us to not be able to put the baby down on the floor to play all day. I have suggested if my sister can’t leave the dog, maybe she or her fiancé should be the one staying home.

The conversation hasn’t gone down well at all, totally blown out of proportion to be honest and now I’m starting to second guess myself on whether I am being unreasonable or not?

Thoughts?

The dog bit your child. You need to take a hard line on this. The dog does not belong around children.

If the grandparents or aunt complain, you should simply respond that you will not be taking criticism from people who do not care about the safety of your children.

the audacity to push back after the dog bit a young child.

I think a reasonable compromise is that you do alternate weekends for a while. Their are two sets of needs, and they are both clashing.

People get a bit wierd about their pets when they are not being treated like humans, and there isn't much you can do about it other than ride it out.

She's not controlling her dog and your son got bitten.

She needs to get her dog professional training ASAP and until that's done and dog has stopped the jumping and biting, you will not have your young children around them. Their safety comes first.

Tell your mother to stick her guilt trip up her ass. She can come to yours, she can have you over at a time your sister and her untrained dog aren't there. It's not there with dog or nothing. But you're not going to put your kids in danger around an untrained and poorly supervised animal and she's nuts to expect you to do that.

That poor dog.

Playpen for baby, leash for puppy, words to 4 year old about how puppies bite because they don’t know better but as s/he’s a big girl/boy now that they can stay out of reach.

Job done.

Some of these replies are batshit, OP. It's not up to you to suggest training options or provide accomodations for your sisters dog. And it doesn't matter whether it is "just a puppy", it has proven itself to be unsafe.

It is your job to protect your children, it's really simple. You've asked that the children be kept safe (and the only way to guarantee safety is to keep the dog away from small children), your mum and sister have both refused. So of course you don't go.

To are fortunate to have an involved sister in your kid’s lives who wants to be an active aunt (can I swap mine for yours lol - half joking).

I have the opposite and my siblings probably barely acknowledge their niece, they are not kid-people. My sister has a dog and when DD was smaller learning to crawl and walk, my sister would do nothing to control her dog. I had to be on arm’s reach with my kid the whole visit to make sure the dog didn’t nip her her.

Luckily in this case the dog naturally is more submissive and a few commands from me and angling my body so the dog would have to get through me to get to my kid. It did make for exhausting, tiring visits.

Now two years later, DD is able to run and sometimes she will chase the dog and the dog is now running from her!

Sooo presumably your sister is okay to leave dog home when she goes out on a Saturday night but not so your LITERAL HUMAN CHILDREN can be safe and happy at their grandparents house. Your sister is an asshole and so are your parents for allowing the bratty behaviour and trying to claim your the unreasonable one

Tell me you’re a ‘my precious dog has every right to be be treated like a human baby/ sit in restaurants/bite children because it’s probably their fault anyway’ type of person without telling me …

Did your parents see that comment? They need to man up and tell her she is being unreasonable.

I would not be surprised if there is suggestions of maybe you can pay for a dog nanny for it

But she can choose whether she goes to that house or not. It’s not compulsory. There’s no way I’d go. YANBU OP.

Don't discuss it with your Mom or sister. Don't try to accommodate them. Simply don't go over until the puppy is trained. You have the right to do that.

Maybe this has already been suggested and I missed it - but has no one heard of a leash?! Keep pooch on a short-ish lead when its around your kids - no cages/no staying at home etc. Everyone happy.

Stick to your guns. Lack of house training is lack of effort on their part but all young puppies nip. It’s only for a short time, but no way i’d have let my dog run around with babies and young children when he was tiny and biting everyone. It’s madness to expect you to be ok with that. And expecting your children to play on the floor where the dog has weed or pooped is not ok.

You have a bigger issue here in that your parents have let your sister do as she pleases and now everything will kick off. There’s an easy solution of staggered visits until their dog is older. Don’t let them push you into continuing this as your children will get hurt. You can both visit but at different times for now. It is a lot spending 5-6hrs there every week, so every other is a reasonable solution for now. Your sister is going to have to find out that she can’t get her own way by throwing her toys out of the pram.

Cockapoo’s can be very clingy dogs and not ideal to be left for long periods (not all obviously, but I know a lot as I have one and many of friends cockapoo’s are very clingy) so seems ridiculous your sister got one. Bet any money your parents end up with the dog, which is not ideal if she is caring for your child one day a week and no stair gates. Guess she can come to your home to care for him, and your dad care for the dog, if it comes to that.

YABU - why all the drama and ultimatums? We have a cage for transporting the dogs, so when we go to friends with kids/cats them the dogs stay in the crate and we move it around the house so they are not left alone.

I'm not surprised your sister was upset, this stuff isn't rocket science.

She can make the rules as to whether she goes there though, can't she? Which was the point of her post, if you try reading it again.

The children and puppy should be kept separate. I won’t have a dog jumping all over my young children either. They are kept separate or you go at different times. Your parents need to decide.

Kids trump dog. Sorry.

YANBU but you aren’t meant to walk a puppy for long, it damages their joints.
It’s also not your house or rules. You’ve made your feelings known loud and clear- there’s nothing else to say.
Either alternate weekends, don’t stay as long or switch days maybe.

Sounds a dire situation for the poor dog, but he/she should stop biting soon.

So? She doesn’t have to take her children there. And that’s what she’s chosen to do- not take her children. It’s up to her parents what they do about it, but actions have consequences. I wouldn’t take my dc there either at those ages.

The sister doesn’t seem able to get her head around any of this not rocket science stuff though?

A crate would help. Safe space for Puppy, allowing you to put baby down and making sure 4 year old isn’t worried about puppy getting too jumpy.

It’s a lovely thing that you and your family do, so would be a shame to stop. There is definitely a solution that can help everyone. Good luck 🤗

Now you know your sister won’t go anywhere without her dog so it’s perfect timing to invite your mum to the flower show. Just ignore the fireworks. Not your circus not your monkeys ‘I’m taking my mum out for her birthday, this is a really normal thing to do.’

Dogs are not permitted at the Chelsea flower show in case you didn’t know!

Owner of a very well trained cockapoo and YANBU at all! Not aure if it’s been suggested but is keeping the dog on a lead in the house worth suggesting to try? If not, I would stay away until your mother realises she is missing out on time with GC and comes to her senses.