To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

[carnivalqueenthethird]

My family (husband & 2 kids) and my sister and her fiancé go to our parents every weekend for a roast. It’s something we’ve always done so nothing new.

My kids are 4 and 4 months old.

My sister has a new puppy - very cute but obviously hyper. At some point she has agreed with my mum that she can bring the dog round with her every weekend and I’m not happy about it for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the dog albeit a puppy is not being trained so it’s a complete nightmare, shits and wee’s everywhere, no recall etc. I know it will take time but my sister and her fiancé don’t really have the time to train a dog (not sure why they got one in the first place, because their work patterns and lifestyle do not lend themselves to taking care of a dog), so this isn’t going to change any time soon, if at all.

Secondly the dog is constantly jumping up at everyone, playing but biting, its teeth are needle sharp and my 4 year old got bitten last week and it punctured his finger, he now doesn’t like the dog. I also can’t put my baby down on the floor at any point because I know the dog is going to jump all over him and potentially scratch/bite. We are there for a good 5/6 hours every time we go, so to hold a baby for that long is difficult.

I told my parents that we won’t be coming round every weekend if the dog is there. My sister has flown off the handle, which I’m used to, but is saying she can’t leave the dog alone as it’s too young. My mum has started guilt tripping me by saying I’m keeping her grandchildren away.

I have said, I’m not keeping the kids away maliciously, I’m happy to come round if the dog isn’t there, but im not prepared for my oldest to be scared in a house he should feel safe in, and for us to not be able to put the baby down on the floor to play all day. I have suggested if my sister can’t leave the dog, maybe she or her fiancé should be the one staying home.

The conversation hasn’t gone down well at all, totally blown out of proportion to be honest and now I’m starting to second guess myself on whether I am being unreasonable or not?

Thoughts?

The dog apologists on this thread are off the scale. This isn’t a hypothetical risk, the dog bit your child. There is not a chance my child would be exposed to that for a second time, let alone a baby.

Hold your boundary, protect your children. It’s clear your sister and parents don’t love your kids enough to protect them.

By the way, when you talk about your sister, you sound awful. You sound as though you don’t even want to make it work /see her and you want her to learn a lesson. Borderline condescending- ‘I know best, you’re immature etc’.
Might this be clouding your judgement

I really agree, solutions are given but the comments made by op have excuses and focus on negative attributes of the sister.

I don't think op wants solutions, just validation from strangers online.

I mean I haven’t seen what age the dog is. But there’s a huge difference between biting and enthusiastically mouthed, nicked a child whilst being silly.

It sounds like it just needs to be trained/ socialised and kept separate when the baby is in the floor. A puppy pen would be appropriate

I’ve not read through all the comments yet (so apologies if anyone else has already suggested this), but my own solution to keeping young grandchildren and my own pet dog separate is to have a stair gate between the living room and the adjoining kitchen area. Which ever side of the gate the children are on the dog is always on the other. And because the door itself is open, it doesn’t feel ‘locked out’.
Whilst my dog is perfectly house trained, he is definitely nervous of little kids who can be unpredictable and noisy. So this is more from a safety point of view - he’s never bitten before but I just want to mitigate that small risk.

Your sister is clearly completely unreasonable, but there doesn't seem to be much you can do about it.

Putting your children's safety first is not something you need apologise for.

If they won’t leave the dog behind and won’t use a crate would they consider keeping it on a lead around the children? Or will they really not compromise at all? I think if they won’t budge you just have to stop going and calmly explain why every time they moan. Explain you have asked for compromises but you will not put your children in a position where they feel scared.

OP isn't being unreasonable at all. Her child has been bitten and is now terrified of the dog. OP has suggested that she and her sister visit their parents on alternate weekends but OP's mum still got upset and said that OP was keeping their grandchildren from her and that her sister would be upset about not seeing her nephews.

Any practical suggestions to keep her children safe from this untrained dog are rejected by her sister and her parents.

Obviously, she needs to put her children first.

She’s protecting her children when no one else seems to care. Mumsnet should be renamed dogsmumsnet given the way people are defending the dog and its enablers here. The children are the only ones who matter and it’s not up to OP to make this work. These people should be supporting her with the ages of her children. Sometimes I think the world has gone mad..

Let them figure out a solution. This isn't on you to solve.

You’ve missed the point. I was responding to @Aquarius91 who was saying the dog could be left alone as it wasn’t a baby.

No it’s not. Children do not accommodate the dog. It’s a DOG.

She’s totally open to the solutions - crates, keeping separate, alternate visits, visits from grandparents - but has been directly told “no” by the sister / DM. How can you not have seen that? She can’t make the daft sister use a crate.

Can your mum buy a playpen for the dog?

its a puppy, not a fully grown dog…… or a tiger. The reasonable thing to do is both socialise and put in a different room/ crate the dog whilst the children are on the floor. If seeing the children weekly, the dog will soon be used to them.
She’s perfectly within her rights to do what she’s suggesting, though I think it’s probably unnecessary and she’s got her heckles up because of her view of her sisters personality.

I’m a fully grown adult and I wouldn’t be visiting with that dog there either!

Your mum will be disappointed but you cant control that. She needs to find a way of seeing you and her grandchildren seperately to dog it is her issue to solve, you are doing the right thing.

Same with your sister. If she wants to see nephews she needs to respect your boundaries. A walk with dog on a lead stopping at a swing park might be a good option (would not be weekly though).

It depends what we are talking about here though doesn’t it. Is it a 10 week old cockaspaniel or a 30 week old bull mastiff.

Obviously YANBU, how can they expect you to put your kids at risk of being bitten/scratched? If you sister won't compromise with a dog pen and won't train the animal why on earth should you compromise your children's wellbeing and physical safety? My son got chased by a pig at 18 months and he's had a phobia of most animals ever since - dangers aren't limited to the physical if you put small children in proximity to animals likely to frighten or hurt them.

Her sister won't put her dog in a crate. All OP's practical suggestions have been turned down. The only way to keep her children safe is for her not to visit her parents when her sister is there with the dog but her mum and her sister won't accept that solution. Training the dog seems out of the question as her sister won't do it and thinks that the dog's behaviour is cute.

can’t the dog be on a lead?

But she can choose as she has to not bring her children into the house when the dog is there. She's not demanding the "rules" be changed.

Absolutely correct. It’s fine for OPs mum to refuse any compromise.

So OP is choosing not to go. It’s fine for OP to do this too.

My border collie puppy was a nipper, so I wouldn’t have wanted small DC around him, he mainly stopped at around 6 months old. Hopefully your sisters dog won’t always be this bad, but somehow you’ve got to try and get across to her that puppy needs proper toilet training and behaviour training if she wants her dog to become a family dog. Hard I know.

You can't win then op. Yanbu at all.

How selfish and irresponsible of all of them.

I wouldn't be going while the puppy is in it's bitey phase and I love dogs.