AIBU… invite to the wedding

[AmIReallyOCD]

My nephew has invited myself, my partner, my teenage son but NOT my partner’s teenage son to his wedding. I feel really irritated by it.. I’ve clarified the invite and it’s not a mistake but haven’t asked why my ‘stepson’ has been excluded. I need to reply in the next week!!

Not reading whole thread but I was curious about threlationships. 3 years is not long and by your own admission, they seem.to have only met at birthdays, weddings and funerals. I think you have to accept that none of this makes it family to your nephew.

Have you thought about helping your nephew out and juts going with your son.. you are his familY but your partner and his son are too far removed. Its such a ln expense to get married, sometimes lines have to be drawn and it seems a fair one to me.
Are your partner and his son distressed by the thought of not going, excited to go, and do thye love your nephew? I imagine not. In which case you could let them off the hook?

You really can’t ask if “theres an issue”. That makes it sound like the nephew is automatically wrong for not inviting DSS (implying it’s due to a problem).
You can’t guilt a groom into inviting someone.
Weddings are a numbers game. I’m sure if the perception was that they were all his family he might have extended the invite.

Agree completely.

Why would he invite your stepson? You're his aunt, with your partner and his cousin. The step son is nothing to him. Maybe if you and your partner had married when the boys were 3 or something and your stepson was just like another cousin growing up then yes I can see the problem, but it doesn't sound like that is the case so there's no problem and nothing to be cross about.

MN is so very harsh just lately. Is it a competition to see who can stick the boot into the OP the hardest?

I think it’s reasonable to be mildly irritated and unreasonable to throw a strop. Weddings are expensive, guest lists are difficult, and 17yo boys you aren’t actually related to aren’t a high priority.

If I got remarried I'd be loathed to even invite my "sil", brothers partner of 13/14 years much less her feckless adult children, of which she has a few. I'd probably invite the youngest if I was being kind as I genuinely adore her.

Why dont you and your DP go and leave the 17 Yr olds to do something together they'd probably enjoy a whole lot more?🤔

Stay loyal to your stepson OP and don't go . There's a lot of cruel and arsy comments on this thread , I don't know why people have to be so nasty . We were in a similar situation about ten years ago when my nephew got married , they invited me DH and our two eldest but not our two youngest , who were young teens at the time . None of us went

Despite not wanting marriage for oneself, one can still understand what it means to other people and want to celebrate that with them as a family/unit/whatever you want to call it, without leaving one person out of four at home as you head out the door.

I say this having already said I can understand where the nephew is coming from if it's headcount/budget related. But it's annoying to me, the idea that people who don't want marriage for themselves therefore don't care about the marriages of family and friends.

Myself has no idea why myself’s post was deleted but yourself’s post is still here. Myself has seen some horrendous posts remain on MN but myself’s post about use of “myself” has led to myself’s comment being deleted.

Hi OP, I totally get it from your perspective and understand why you’re upset. But I would say wedding guest lists have changed a lot in the last 10-15 years and have been a big topic for me and my family too.

as weddings are so expensive now, people really are only inviting people they want/know well. No more random parents friends or +1s of a gf you’ve met once.

I would gently say this is your nephews wedding and he can invite who he wants and would’ve done for a reason. I think it’s kind he’s invited your partner of 6 years (I personally don’t know if I would’ve done this.)

if you’re upset/bothered by this, you could send a message to your sibling and ask the reason but will it really make a difference now. And surely a “pity” invite woudl be worse.

I'm afraid to say this feels a totally normal decision from what you’ve said/your replies regarding how many times they’ve met etc and I would try to see it from your nephews POV. I’m planning to be very strict at my wedding for the guest list and it sounds like he’s done the same.

But if you understand what marriage means to others, it shouldn’t be that hard to understand that those others might not view a stepson who is not legally a stepson as one of the family.

I was surprised too. It was quite amusing and OP didn't seem offended.

Maybe someone thought you were getting at OP and missed what I thought was good natured humour.

Perhaps because it came across as sneering at the OP rather than humorous.

Obviously due to numbers being tight. He’s unable to
invite his cousins partners son

totally reasonable, especially as he’s 17. Not a child

I think replies often reflect the OP energy. If you come in all indignant then others answer in the same spirt.
Aside from the pendants, who are just here to be annoying.

Most people can get why the Op is upset but want her to see that she is viewing it all through a narrow lens

I think it's thoughtless that he hasn't invited your stepson .
You all live together at home to leave him out is totally unfair.
Check if it's an oversight remind him that you are a family of 4 and if it doesn't include him I'd decline his invite and not to put you in an
awkward position I think it's mean.

... And for this 70 year old.

Sorry to be pendantic, but...

No advise really but how thoughtful and considerate are you to want to include your stepson and acknowledge you are family!!! Very rare on mumsnet. Maybe they couldn’t afford x many guests and are hoping someone does drop out so your DSS can go?

I didn’t even invite 80% of my cousins so I’m not surprised he hasn’t invited the son of his aunts boyfriend. Why would they pay hundreds of pounds for some teenager they only see at family occasions but who they are not related to?

Decline the invite if you want. They won’t particularly care.

From the OP’s (fairly short) first post:

I’ve clarified the invite and it’s not a mistake

So maybe now people can stop asking her to check if her partner’s son is definitely not invited?

I completely agree with this. It’s weird to exclude one person from the family, and you are a family unlike some nasty comments suggest. The nephew doesn’t HAVE to invite anyone to his wedding he doesn’t choose to but it’s mean spirited and I think a little
off to exclude one person from the household. There isn’t anything you can do though sadly. Maybe like others have said leave both boys at home x

Nobody thinks about ‘households’ when writing up their guest list though… nobody writes down all their aunts and uncles and cousins, then adds any unmarried partners and then goes ‘oh should we also invite her partners son who’s only been around the family for 3 years and is almost an adult? And who likely doesn’t even live at OPs house full time.

Maybe like others have said leave both boys at home x

Why do people keep suggesting this?! The OP’s son is invited in his own right as the groom’s cousin! He’s not a little boy who needs his parents to take him there and back!