AIBU… invite to the wedding

[AmIReallyOCD]

My nephew has invited myself, my partner, my teenage son but NOT my partner’s teenage son to his wedding. I feel really irritated by it.. I’ve clarified the invite and it’s not a mistake but haven’t asked why my ‘stepson’ has been excluded. I need to reply in the next week!!

I think it’s extremely rude and crass of your nephew. Nobody has the right to split someone else’s family into worthy and unworthy. We would decline as a family.

You are his aunt and your partner is being invited as your +1. Your DS is the groom's cousin. Your partner's son may be part of your family but he isn't related to your nephew. The guest list has to end somewhere.

But by that token the OPs partner is some bloke he’s met a few times over the last few years……

Exactly this

If you think you’re a family and come as a package, then just decline the invitation. No drama necessary. Unless you and your nephew are very close then I imagine you’re on the list of “need to invite because my mum will be upset if I don’t” guests rather than the top tier of his and his fiancé’s immediate family and friends.

And how interested is a 17-year-old young man, really, in attending the wedding of his dad’s girlfriend’s nephew who he’s only met at her family gatherings?

That's true, he is, but he's ops plus one rather than being invited because of his own relationship with the nephew though.

But that’s really normal in weddings; to invite your guests with a plus one. Sometimes you get people you’ve never met come to your wedding because they’re a newish partner of a family member you gave a plus one to.

Very normal to invite aunt with plus one and cousin. Not really normal or necessary to invite the almost adult kid of the plus one whom you’ve only met a few times.

You’re asking a lot to expect 4 invites (4 paid for places - it’s expensive). People have to draw the line somewhere with wedding invite lists.

I think two things can be true.

1. You have made a family with your partner - consisting of yourself, partner, son and stepson.
2. Your nephew is inviting his family members to his wedding (his aunt, aunt’s plus 1, his cousin).

He is not deliberately slighting your family by not inviting stepson, he is just inviting people that are his family - he may get on with stepson just fine at family gatherings but in trying to keep numbers manageable he is only inviting his family, not people that his family consider to be family.

Yes and he's been gracious enough to invite him even though he's not his uncle, without having to pay for his son as well.

This!! Your partner (boyfriend)’s son is absolutely not top of the guest list. Given the context it’s weird you think he would be!

Ive honestly no idea why you think your nephew should invite your partners son.

He's not related to the man's son and does not need to invite strangers to his wedding. You aren't even married to this man sooo..... no, the son of your "partner" does not get an invite automatically.

Ignore the knob, OP.

It’s not the most natural phrasing, if you say ‘he invited myself’ . Then end the sentence, it looks, sounds and feels unnatural.
point being, weddings are fucking expensive.
all this bollocks about who’s coming who’s not invited and who eats what blah blah is why I eloped.
I’m not paying an absolute fortune for people to harass me before during and after and then post on mumsnet about it 🤣🙈

Your DP’s son is not related to nephew. Does he live with you full-time?

Sorry but you are being extremely unreasonable expecting an invite for your partners son. Why would you have to clarify it? I’ve got a son of a similar age and he wouldn’t be interested in attending the wedding of someone he barely knows!

Because
you all live together and they’ve met at family events over the years I think he should have got an invite

3 years and this is some teen he just sees at parties compared to a blood relative he grew up with

I voted you were being unreasonable, but you added more context in your answer so I’m changing it. Yanbu.

Go or don’t go, I don’t think your nephew has done anything wrong by not inviting your partner’s son. He probably doesn’t know him.

I can see how it might not sit right within your family unit, but I don't think in this instance it is unreasonable of your nephew to exclude a 17 year old boy who is not related to him. Obvious solution is for you and your son to go and leave your partner at home.

I see why you feel irritated - the 4 of you are a family unit & to exclude one doesn’t sit right. Maybe you & your partner could go and the 2 boys could stay home together? So the invite isn’t snubbed and no-one is left out. I hate stuff like this, always more stress than there needs to be x

He's not your stepson! YABU

@ComtesseDeSpair nailed it.
Your boyfriends nearly adult son is not your stepson and no part of your nephews family.
Its ridiculous that you would expect him to come - and I say this as someone who frequently despairs of mumsnet weddings but on this I’m in 100% agreement.
I didn’t invite my stepdads adult children to my wedding - he wasn’t in the slightest offended.
Your boyfriend’s son is simply a random person your nephew sees at various meet ups.