AIBU… invite to the wedding

[AmIReallyOCD]

My nephew has invited myself, my partner, my teenage son but NOT my partner’s teenage son to his wedding. I feel really irritated by it.. I’ve clarified the invite and it’s not a mistake but haven’t asked why my ‘stepson’ has been excluded. I need to reply in the next week!!

In other words he’s invited his cousin but not a random teenager. Would your partner’s son even want to go to this wedding?

You are being unreasonable. Your partner son isn't your nephews family. He's 17. He doesnt need an invite. He's more than capable if staying at home alone while you attend the wedding. I think you are bring very entitled. Your sons their cousin so I get why he's invited. Your partners son is a random that your nephew has met a handful of times.

Your partners son? Why would he get an invite? Pardon my ignorance, but is someone a stepchild in this situation? I thought this happened after marriage to the parent.

Goodness, there are some harsh answers here. Hard hard on today on MN!

I can understand your upset op, but as someone else said, cousins often don't make the cut for weddings at all. I would hope that the bride n groom have got caught up in juggling numbers here and lost sight of the bigger picture. I can imagine them inviting you and your partner then seeing that they have some extra spaces, so inviting the cousin that your nephew has known all his life. Hopefully it's just a lack of awareness of your stepsons feelings (do 17 year old boys enjoy weddings?) rather than malicious.

You could decline to go, but a gentle word, explaining why might help to avoid hard feelings in future.

OP Just go with the flow - don't complain or make a fuss and don't be the wedding guest from hell - i.e. the guestzilla. It's not all about you and partner's child. Make sure this invitation does not cause DN any stress however you may feel. It is what it is.

Your dss is 17. If he were a child I’d more likely agree but at this age, he is unlikely to be fazed.

I don’t understand why some people think its fine not to invite him. OP, just give him a call and ask if there is an issue between them and say you are bit taken aback since you live together for years and consider them as a family. I would also decline the invitation in very friendly way, without causing a drama and fall outs, just say you wish him all the best and you are very happy for him but you cannot accept split invitation. Send a gift regardless (from all 4 of you!!) and just move on. He will feel stupid, you will save the face and your immediate family wont be upset with you.

Even then theirs a difference between a stepson that has been part of the family since early childhood and a stepson that's been in the family since mid to late teens. I get being upset that your stepchild that everyone has known for several decades and enjoyed family festivities together is not being invited. This almost adult has been around 3 years and is almost a stranger to the groom. It's also different excluding a small child to an almost adult.

Groom is inviting his auntie and his cousin, and auntie’s partner. I don’t see anything wrong with that, if your partner wasn’t invited, or DP’s child was too young to be left at home I’d maybe see your point but he’s not, he’s 17 and old enough to stay at home. Does DP son even want to go to a wedding with lots of people he doesn’t really know or are you just deciding you are offended for him.?
Weddings are expensive and as harsh at it sounds I’d think the groom to be and his wife probably have many more friends/people they would like to invite over someone loosely ‘related’ to them for a few years that they only ever see at family get togethers

This is such a stupid and totally unnecessary comment.

He invited his Aunt + 1 and his cousin. Seems generous. Not everyone invites cousins to their weddings.

@AmIReallyOCD i think no one here is being unreasonable. It’s fine to be upset because your partners son is part of your family and sounds like you’re a very well adjusted blended family which is nice.
Unfortunately weddings can be expensive and a logistical nightmare nowadays. You yourself have said that your own son and your nephew rarely speak day to day so it’s likely your own children have been invited out of obligation. If both parties have lots of friends then it can be really difficult to get the balance between the people you genuinely want there and are going to have a good time with and people you feel you can’t not invite. There will be no malice behind it. You can either attend or not but I think it would be a shame to not attend because of this. Is your stepson particularly upset about this ? I can imagine in some blended families this is how it works especially although I completely understand why you’re upset and if I’m honest I don’t think it’s how we would have played it. But then again we look back and regret some of the people we did actually invite to keep family happy.

That's akin to saying an unmarried couple living together with their children are not the child's parents. Uterrly ridiculous. They live together as one family unit & they should be treated as such. Another scenario is the couple could have one biological child & one adopted child. Should the nephew leave out the adopted child because they are not a blood relative. If they all live together as one family, you invite the son, you invite the stepson.

@NewDogOwner This is the typical mumsnet reply of people who don't seem to understand that these days not everyone gets married. You can be partners and in a committed relationship, have blended families etc. Get with the modern times where not everyone gets married!

I'm shocked to see how much certain posters denigrate unmarried couples still on here as being in a "lesser" relationship or "just sleeping together". Some people don't have a legal need to be married, and don't see it as being meaningful for them, so don't get married. It does not mean their LTR means any less. Marriage means very different things to different people.

OP I can see how you're in a difficult/sad position now, but from the outside I guess your nephew can't see that. I imagine that when you talked to him about it to clarify, he realised you wanted your DSS to be invited but if he didn't offer an invite at that point I think you probably shouldn't push, maybe they're tight on numbers/budget. You'll just have to make a decision on who goes that feels the best compromise.

I wouldn't invite my aunt's boyfriend's teenage son to my wedding either.
And if I was a teenage boy and not invited to my dad's girlfriend's nephew's wedding, I wouldn't mind one tiny bit 😅

If living together as a family and have been been for a few years yes it’s rude

An English grammar or speech debate seems… ambitious. Unless, of course, you’d like me to start a new thread: ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE AN ENGLISH LECTURER DIE A LITTLE INSIDE!!!

Does he actually want to go? Weddings are pretty boring for a 17 year old lad.

Well as you are all one household Ithink your DS should haave been invited. But as others say weddings are expensive and sometimes thd guest list has to be restricted. But you do sound entited and determined that you are right and everyons who disagrees with you is wrong.

Weddings are expensive things and your nephew will have a finite number of invitees. As his aunt you are invited with your partner and your son too as his cousin. He may well live with you as family but your partner's son is not family to your nephew and he is not obliged to invite him. There will be others who are more important to him and his bride than your partner's son.

Families aren't made like that anymore, blood doesn't always equal family.

I abhor this recent trend of using "myself" in this way.

God, some of the snidey comments here about OP's 'boyfriend', as if they're a couple of teenagers. They've been living together for 3 years. Some marriages don't even last that long these days. I've been with my 'boyfriend' for over 40 years as it happens. We have two children together. I'm in NI and I can't imagine a scenario where one member of a family unit, who all live in the same house, would be left off an invitation. People here might be steeped in old fashioned religious shit, but generally we're a caring and compassionate bunch. I've been to many weddings and they are full of 'waifs and strays', all made to feel most welcome. Obviously I can't speak for the whole country, but it's a general rule that I've noticed. The wedding threads on here are like a whole different world.

It seems harsh that 3 of you are invited and 1 isn’t but ultimately you are a fairly new blended family and it’s understandable your nephew doesn’t view your step son as family. I would still go with your son and your dp stay home with his son . Or you and dp go and leave boys at home.