Can you work nights with no childcare?

[Pixieknowle]

Due to recently losing my job we had to let our nanny go. It was extremely expensive and stressful as she became unreliable which led to me losing my job. I don’t want to employ another nanny.

My children are just under 2 and 5 and my husband works long hours and can’t do any drop offs / pick ups. He also would not be able to help if either child was sick etc. This is just how it is, he earns very well but in a cut throat industry. This won’t ever change.

Im reluctant to put the little one in nursery and start a new job at the same time, she’s been quite sickly as it is and I know for sure she will get sick at a new nursery this time of year which wont be compatible with starting a new job

I have been looking at night work, leaving after bedtime and home before my husband leaves. Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too? The pay is minimum wage so really not worth it if I have to pay for childcare (we don’t qualify for any funded childxare)

I did it, I had 3 children, I had a child in school and 2 toddlers with 12 months between them. I worked nights for 8 years, I didn’t sleep after a night shift and I was fine provided I kept going!

It’s not only the next day when you’re sleep deprived, but it actually knocks on for two or three days afterwards
I did some voluntary work as a street pastor, Trying to keep people safe when they were leaving nightclubs until 4 o’clock in the morning on a Friday and Saturday night. It was Wednesday before I felt normal again just in time for the next shift again on Friday

Being chronically sleep deprived two nights a week will do a number on your immune system, your hormonal balance, your mood, the way you interact with others, your ability to manage stress, and you’ll burn out fast. Thats not worth minimum wage.

Don’t kill yourself going whole nights without sleep (and the days either side) for minimum wage when you don’t need the money. And then you know you’d end up on call on weekend days too.

If you want to work, use childcare during the day and work then. Or childcare on the day that follows the night.

There’s a reason why humans have a sleep during every 24 hours!

I started working 20.00-07.00 shifts Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday nights in a dementia nursing home when my kids were 3 and 1. The eldest was at nursery school from 9-12 Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Younger one was wakeful at night, always slept from 0915 to 1130, and often napped again after lunch.

It didn’t work well. I put the kids to bed before I left but DH (now ex) hated being alone for the evening and my absence overnight, hated if his night was disrupted before his 45 minute commute, hated minding the kids if they woke before I got home. I was too wired to sleep when DS did after dropping DD at nursery school, and definitely much too tired to be safe driving. I did it for 9 months and hit a deer when driving home in the dark one winter morning. What if it had been a person?

You have young children, you do not need to feel guilty for not working. You are contributing in a very important way bringing up your children! Don’t under estimate it 😊

I did night shifts with no childcare, and caring for 2 preschoolers during the day, and 2 after-school in addition. In hindsight, what was I thinking, but it is possible.

It is doable part time. I done it for years, we were ships in the night and the kids routine was messed up, DH wasn’t getting much sleep on the nights I was working.
If you can avoid it and pull your belt really tight or work day time. Nursery is better than tired parents doing double shifts.

I have done this in the past it is a killer! The only 1 shift sounds good in theory but you end up being up well over 24 hours. I used to be dead 💀 on my feet and falling asleep with the kids.
I could make it work on a Friday night if hubby had the kids for a few hours on the Saturday morning whilst I slept till 12-1 . But even that was hard.

The most valuable thing in your life are your children, you need to realise this to asses your working arrangements, ie you don’t need to work there is zero point working yourself to the ground. You will need sleep, your marriage will likely come under pressure.

breathe, take the next couple of years off, bring up your children then go back to work if need be.

if you don’t need the money, you’ll be a much better mother if you stay at home until the little one is at school. Then look for something part time. Or maybe you could do something remote and part time?

I’ve done it : 2 waking night shifts, no childcare, 6 month old baby to deal with when not working…. I was mid 20s tho….now age 47…. Not a chance !
obvs if it was eat or don’t eat I’d do it … but a choice ? No !! One night you might be able to manage but your going to need to recoup that sleep somewhere !

Sorry but you can’t just be like ‘this is how it is’ with your husband. He and you chose to have children and he HAS to step up - the industry doesn’t matter. I worked in a difficult industry and was just difficult back regarding my childcare issues and my entitlement to carers leave. My husband is very senior in his job and does the pick-up then works from home into the night as it’s more than doable. The world has changed just sounds like your husband hasn’t. Also if he earns more that £100k, like put that into a pension!! Get your funded hours entitlement. Why is this all on you? Just sounds like a lazy husband washing his hands of it all - you have suffered as a result. Lastly, get another nanny or put them in nursery. Nursery is great for getting ready for school and making friendships. But you absolutely cannot work nights or work from
home and look after a kid

I know you say it’s only 1 or 2 nights a week but you are going to be like death warmed up on those days!

Honestly, if you don’t need the money, I wouldn’t be working just now. If your husbands job is so pressurised with such long hours that he can’t do any drop offs or pick ups, I can’t see how you nightshifts will work. You’ll need to stay up to get your oldest to school and your youngest to childcare, which you will need, because you can’t possibly look after two year old after a full night working. Well, you probably ‘could’, but it would be miserable, potentially unsafe and exhausting for something that just isn’t even necessary at this stage. Please don’t devalue the work of a stay at home mum by saying you would feel ‘terrible’. What does your OH think.
Honestly, wait until your youngest is a bit older and more robust, maybe even till they are at school, then you can take a job during the day.

If you want to work put your 2 year old in daycare. If you don’t want to put them in daycare stay home. It is ridiculous you kill your self working 1-2 nights a week, spending time with your kids super tired, when you don’t even need the income. They don’t deserve an exhausted mum for 2 days a week plus ultra tired the rest of the week. They are better off in a nice pre-school

Of course not! How could you possibly care for your two year old properly? You’d be catching up on sleep.

Its only for a very short period of your working life! 2 years until DD starts school to be a good, loving, SAH parent. I would do anything to stay at home with my LO but unfortunately I have to work! Do whats in the best interest for your children.

No just wait until the two year old starts school.

O.P - if you are in a good financial situation and don't have to work whilst your children are young, TAKE IT!!!
There are SO many parent's / mums wishing they'd been as lucky as you.
I'm definitely one of them!

Your children are only young once.
Make as many memories with them as you can.
It's not forever.
I'm sure your husband would understand.
If you feel guilty about not working, just make sure you do the majority of the housework, etc to compensate for that guilt!

I'm a shift worker (part time) and often just do one night which is doable as I have some family help. I ask my mum to watch my toddler until 12 and then I take over and collect the eldest from preschool. I then go to bed absolutely exhausted at 8pm that evening 😆. I'm not on minimum wage though so to me it's worth it.

Well that's two 72 hour stints per week with no sleep.

It's absolutely not doable.

Depends if Dad can help on Saturday and Sunday so you can grab a few hours sleep. Id happily have done 2 nights instead of every evening 5 to 9 when mine were small

No. That’s the simple answer.

Imagine working 4 nights in a row with no sleep. It’s an accident waiting to happen.

FATHERS raise the bar. Don't blame mothers for shitty fathers.

But you do contribute, due to you being completely flexible and doing all the sick care, nursery runs, appointments etc that he can’t because of his work. He couldn’t earn that money without your role in this family. Don’t burn yourself out doing nights and looking after a 2 year old. If you don’t need the money, and your happy in your marriage Stay off work for a little while and re-access when the youngest is in childcare/school.