Can you work nights with no childcare?

[Pixieknowle]

Due to recently losing my job we had to let our nanny go. It was extremely expensive and stressful as she became unreliable which led to me losing my job. I don’t want to employ another nanny.

My children are just under 2 and 5 and my husband works long hours and can’t do any drop offs / pick ups. He also would not be able to help if either child was sick etc. This is just how it is, he earns very well but in a cut throat industry. This won’t ever change.

Im reluctant to put the little one in nursery and start a new job at the same time, she’s been quite sickly as it is and I know for sure she will get sick at a new nursery this time of year which wont be compatible with starting a new job

I have been looking at night work, leaving after bedtime and home before my husband leaves. Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too? The pay is minimum wage so really not worth it if I have to pay for childcare (we don’t qualify for any funded childxare)

Don’t be silly. When do you think you’d fit in sleeping?!

If she's a nurse, it's just not possible to be unreliable. If you turn up late for a shift, it means the person you are due to relieve has to stay late, even though they've probably already been on their feet for 12 hours. It can also taken hours to sort a replacement. My son has worked a few 16 hours shifts due to his relief not turning up. It's a safety issue. I can well believe the NHS would manage her out.

She doesn't 'need to get past it'. You didn't have to take time out of your career, you chose to take time out of your career. That's two different things. Plenty of families have 2 full time working parents, it is perfectly feasible.

@Pixieknowle yes you need to sleep!!! Night shift takes it out of you, doubly worse with young children

You will contribute a small amount to then massively affect your health and your child's safety. It isn't worth it.

When my children were very little I did 4am-8am shifts as a supermarket picker. Then I was able to do the childcare in the day without having to worry about sleeping. It was not fun and I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to though. I basically spent three years feeling like I had some sort of chronic illness.

I used to work night shifts filling the supermarket shelves 30 years ago, 4 nights 8pm to 6am with a 2 and 5 year old. It was hard and I was a newly single mum. I managed with a nap when the youngest went to play school.
If you don’t need to work I would certainly not do any night shifts.

I think your best course of action is to take a deep breath and accept the situation you are currently in - which is that your husband is currently earning enough to pay all the bills, so it's pride that is driving your need to work, not necessity. That's not a bad thing, but right now it's not your best option without childcare.

This time next year you will have a nearly three year old, which is when I believe funded hours at nursery become a thing.

So plan your return to work in 2027, think about what hours are practical if you need to do drop off and pick-ups etc, but mainly just enjoy 2026 with your little one.

What you did pre-kids is kind of irrelevant if it's not do-able without some form of childcare.

One or two nights a week is possible. No more.

I’m sorry but it is absolutely idiotic to deprive yourself of sleep if you can afford childcare but choose not to use it. There’s no way you can have been performing at your best, either at work or while parenting your toddlers and preschoolers. I have also pulled some insanely long hours in the past, in my industry’s culture it is expected/a rite of passage. Doesn’t mean I’m going to jack in childcare now for shits and giggles and become ships passing in the night with my DH.

But you said your husband won't manage if the kids are sick and you said your little one was sickly, so you might not get a decent sleep if the kids are ill,

Give it another year off work and see what your options are. Your child’s health will improve as they get older hopefully. The last thing you want is for them to end up unwell in hospital, as that is worse than no any lack of sleep.

There are other childcare options also besides Nanny and creche.

With 3 children under 4 it’s possible that the childcare bill would have exceeded the pp’s salary, so yes - it might have been a necessity. But also, I think she was just trying to reassure the op that looking after young children at home is still a valid contribution. No need to pull her down on that.

He can only contribute so much financially because you’re looking after both of your children. If you were not around he would have to pay £4k a month for nurseries and wrap around babysitting. You need to remember the monetary value of what you’re doing. And you need to keep remembering this value even when the kids go to school because presumably when you do start working it won’t be in a competitive big money industry with long non family friendly hours because you’ll still need to work around after school clubs and be available to pick up when sick. YOU being primary carer is a huge huge sacrifice.

You'd be mad to do this. You have a child under two and have lost your job, your DH earns good money. It's absolutely OK not to contribute financially for a while, looking after the kids is your contribution. Wait for something more feasible to come along.

@Pixieknowle Anything you could do in your twenties is far different when you get older and adding kids into the mix means it's impossible. Stop seeing contributions as purely financial, you are raising children.

If you don’t need the money and aren’t trying to keep a career going just stay home until the youngest goes to preschool and get a part time job then, moving to more hours once youngest is in school.

There is a lot of value in having a parent stay home in the early years of finances allow. Night shifts and toddlers won’t mix well if you haven’t got childcare the next day.

how Much is full time nursery?
how much is wrap around care?
how much was the nanny?
how much is a cleaner?
how much is a PA if you were to pay someone to organise the house and do admin for you both?

that's how much you contribute financially @Pixieknowle with your unpaid labour so your husband can do his job.

its wil to me you are considering having no sleep one day a week whilst your husband has also had kids, but the expectation is his life doesn’t change ? What would happen if you weren’t there? I suppose he would get a different job? Or pay someone a lot to do all the childcare.

thats your contribution. It’s partnership. Stop underselling your role and the role of being a mother. Sounds like you’ve had a stressful time so a reset for a while with you at home seems sensible.

I did nights whilst my DC were very small. I used to work two split nights a week. I would maybe manage an hour during the day whilst they were napping. It was grim, and I don’t know how I got through!
I had to be flexible with work, I wasn’t able to have set shifts. I couldn’t find any flexible childcare and had no family help, so it was a necessity for me to do it. My DH worked during the week.

If it isn’t essential for you to work, I absolutely wouldn’t put yourself through it! It won’t be long until your kids are old enough for preschool/school.

Why are you minimising the role at home you are currently doing? It’s a massively important role.

Nights are extremely draining, the sleep you lose, you will never make up. Feeling grumpy and irritable post nightshift on insufficient sleep becomes normal behaviour!

FGS. You are contributing by looking after 2 little people who need a mother. You already have a job. What better contribution could you make? Different if you need the money and really must work but you don't. I don't understand thus attitude.

If you don’t need the money then don’t inflict night working on yourself and the family.

You say it’s so you feel you need to contribute, Contribute by getting yourself ready for the workplace once they are at school. Enable a higher earning career with qualifications or stay relevant. This is what I would do depending on where I was in my career that I gave up:

if you have a skill from your old job that you can market as an online course you could use nap time to create this. There are platforms. This won’t earn very much at all but it will give you something for the CV for the gap in employment, might be fun and might help with the redefinition of you as a person. You could start by doing it for free and then use patreon.

or opposite, use nap time to get a qualification online in something related to your career or a career you want. Not a degree, but there are professional career exams that you can sit for £1-2k so long as you study from online materials/books rather than a taught class. You might fail. But then you don’t need to tell anyone.

No, it isn't "perectly feasible" in all cases. In my situation it would have cost more to employ a nanny than what I was earning.
And nurseries just aren't available to cover the 12 hour shifts NHS workers need.
I'm well aware plenty of families have 2 working parents and I've worked full time for 31 years.

It's not that easy as it looks like. Night shift hits differently. You'll be fine for month or two and then you'll be completely knackered. I spent 5 years on night shift 11pm-7am . Every single person who had this kind of idea ( an hour nap and looking after kids)- resigned after first few months.

You are supporting (just not financially )
You are allowing him to work . Can you both discuss the situation and see what he thinks about you taking some time off .
why don’t you keep her him untill the summer or when they turn 3 ?

Then possibly do a job you can work from home a couple of days a week .