Can you work nights with no childcare?

[Pixieknowle]

Due to recently losing my job we had to let our nanny go. It was extremely expensive and stressful as she became unreliable which led to me losing my job. I don’t want to employ another nanny.

My children are just under 2 and 5 and my husband works long hours and can’t do any drop offs / pick ups. He also would not be able to help if either child was sick etc. This is just how it is, he earns very well but in a cut throat industry. This won’t ever change.

Im reluctant to put the little one in nursery and start a new job at the same time, she’s been quite sickly as it is and I know for sure she will get sick at a new nursery this time of year which wont be compatible with starting a new job

I have been looking at night work, leaving after bedtime and home before my husband leaves. Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too? The pay is minimum wage so really not worth it if I have to pay for childcare (we don’t qualify for any funded childxare)

Why would you not see your work - caring for the dc - as work? Bloody hard work, at times, too. Of course it's a de facto financial contribution with other benefits too 🙄

Ffs value your actual contribution to your family unit here. How do you expect your dh to, if you don't?

Maybe whilst they’re still little you need to reframe it as your job to take care of them. Your husband couldn’t do his job without you taking care of both of yours child. You’re a team!

You don’t need the money? That’s a completely bat shit idea then and insensitive to those who have to work horrible hours for little pay.

I used to do it if it was one night... I'd work 3 nights a week, 2 together with nursery on the middle day and then one night om its own.

I'd usually get about an hours nap before work once dh came home and then go to bed as soon as he got in the next day (around 6pm)

Not going to lie, it was tough but needs must. My trick was to keep busy and go out and about with the kids as if I sat down, I'd feel worse.

Its only sonce stopping working permanent nights did I realise how tired it made me but it worked for us when the children were young

There are people out there who make daytime work work for two parents at the same time... What's getting in the way of that for you?

I think you're better off thinking about that before taking on 36 hour shifts that will impact on your wellbeing and your family's.

Take away the guilt about not pulling your weight financially, and what else is worrying you? Families build value from more than just £ inwards.

You don’t need the money but you want to regularly work all night having had no sleep (because you spent the day looking after young kids) and then spend the next day also looking after young children? You’d have to stay up for 48 hours at a time wouldn’t you?? And for minimum wage? Why on earth would you do that to yourself?!

I did it when my dc were younger. 2 split nights per week. I'd stay up with them during the following day and then go to bed the same time as them the next night. It was doable but exhausting, life became much easier once they were both at school. However, I was earning more than minimum wage and we absolutely needed the money I was earning at that time. I wouldn't do it if you don't need to, but it is definitely possible.

Hmm this has rubbed me the wrong way. Wether that was your intention or not remains to be seen.

Gosh, it must be fun to just roleplay being poor.
How ridiculous if you don’t actual need the money, there is zero benefit to you.

Why do these big important men with big important jobs that mean they can do bugger all in terms of school runs and childcare, insist on having children?

No matter how big and important the woman's job is, they always seem to manage to either do it themselves, or arrange wraparound care.

You'll feel dog-tired and frankly your health (mental and physical) is worth more than a few quid.

OP long time night shifter here. If you don’t have to do it then don’t.
Nightshifts are the work of the devil and should be done only when absolutely necessary.
I claimed to be alright for years, only when I stopped I could see how dysregulated my body clock was.

your expensive nanny should have made you realise that someone caring for your DC is a contribution that you would otherwise have to outsource

Would your husband seriously watch you work a night shift for minimum wage then look after a toddler all day? When you don’t even need the money?
Is he controlling with money?
Do you have access to it?

I’ve tried that and really would not recommend. In my case it was a necessity, but it didn’t last long. If you don’t need to then don’t as you’ll be sacrificing your health for little reward. If you want to keep working (and there’s many reasons to other than finances) then your husband should be contributing to childcare costs as well. IMO you being well and rested enough to care for your child is going to be more valuable to your family than wages from a minimum wage job when the financial situation is already good.

im a nurse that does permanent nights and I’m not sure why you’d do it if I’m honest if you don’t need the money?! I try sleep most of the day before a night shift and if I can get half an hour ish at least nap on night shift then I can be semi ok until lunch time when it hits me but otherwise I have to sleep as soon as I get in until at least lunch time to semi function and I have a nearly 10 year old not a toddler.

Have you ever done night shifts before? They’re better for my health due to other conditions but in the long term they’re not good for your body and if you’ve never done night shifts before I think you might be massively underestimating what you can do post night shift

I used to work permanent nights pre kids in my 20s, I think I’m looking at it with rose tinted glasses as I remember staying up all day after my last night shift and feeling fine

No definitely not

Ah that’s a bit better then! I will say though that being able to stay up after nights pre kids is a whole different ball game to staying up after a night shift all day with a 2 year old and genuinely think you’ll quickly make yourself unwell

Does your husband feel terrible for never ever being able to pick up or drop off his own kids or look after them if they’re ill?

Does he feel terrible that you lost your job partly due to you having to always cover for your unreliable nanny as he never will?

If he’s a decent person he wouldn’t want you to feel terrible about “not contributing.” You both would realise that sometimes you each have to do the best thing for your family as a whole, and sometimes that is one of you not going to work and looking after your kids instead.

Your contribution is allowing your husband to do the job he does and him not having to worry about the kids when he is at work.

I’m not saying that is what you HAVE to do, but if you want to or it works out best for you, then you should definitely not feel terrible about it.

You’d feel a hell of a lot worse if something happened to your child because you were sleep deprived.

i worked as a nurse in the 1980's when it was less common to hire help.
is it a 4-8-or 12 hour night?
i would work 12 hour nights on friday night knowing dh would manage the kids saturday and again another 12 hour on saturday night meaning no childcare needed (equally no weekend time as a family).
lots of colleagues worked nights and did childcare in the am surviving only on short naps with the kids or a few hours when dh's home before a shift.
but i had three back back so they absolutely needed supervision, and i needed to be on the ball (although 1 hour naps on night shift per staff was not unusual back in the day).
so what type of work you are doing does play into the equation.

I did night shift for 10 years starting when my eldest was 14 weeks old. I was the queen of synchronised napping. Thirty years on, my body clock has never been right and I’m sure it’s responsible for some of my autoimmune immune issues. I didn’t really have a choice at the time but if you have a choice, then I’d say don’t do it.

That was pre-kids and when you were in your 20s.
I could have done it then too.

You now have 2 children, one of them a toddler, a husband who works long hours and can’t do any drop offs/pick ups and who would not be able to help if either child was sick etc.

You working overnight without childcare is going to be far more disruptive to the household than a low wage job provides.

i do know someone who worked overnights a few days a week. Most days her husband would drop the children at nursery or school, she would get some sleep, then pick them up. It wasn’t a full 8 hours since she had to commute and get to the school run in time, but she did get an uninterrupted block of 4-6 hours because there were no children in the house. She also made insane amounts of money doing this working in a highly skilled healthcare field that pays especially well in my country if you are willing to take night shifts.

I would prioritise being a great parent over being a martyr.

If you don't need the money, focus your time on where it will do your kids the most good, and I don't think one or two shifts a week on minimum wage should be the priority if it takes time away from them.