Can you work nights with no childcare?

[Pixieknowle]

Due to recently losing my job we had to let our nanny go. It was extremely expensive and stressful as she became unreliable which led to me losing my job. I don’t want to employ another nanny.

My children are just under 2 and 5 and my husband works long hours and can’t do any drop offs / pick ups. He also would not be able to help if either child was sick etc. This is just how it is, he earns very well but in a cut throat industry. This won’t ever change.

Im reluctant to put the little one in nursery and start a new job at the same time, she’s been quite sickly as it is and I know for sure she will get sick at a new nursery this time of year which wont be compatible with starting a new job

I have been looking at night work, leaving after bedtime and home before my husband leaves. Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too? The pay is minimum wage so really not worth it if I have to pay for childcare (we don’t qualify for any funded childxare)

What I found with my 2 it was that the DC2 wasn’t getting any sicknesses after starting nursery, as he has had them all from DC1 before- therefore, got immunity at a younger age. Some difference between children- 3 years.

My mum worked nights for a few years, but us kids were older. School was fine but holidays we had to be very quiet until about 1pm so she could sleep. Can't do that with a toddler am afraid.

Is there anything you can do WFH?

Have you ever worked nights? I have and if you don’t get any sleep you will feel dreadful,
you will also risk falling asleep at the wheel of the car, your reflex reactions
will be as slow as if you were drunk.
It would be dangerous and neglectful imo.

That’s madness. And I say that as someone with DC who works full time with. Just chat to your DH and suggest that you don’t go back to work until you both feel your youngest is ready for nursery. When she’s 3, it will be fine if your wage just covers the childcare. She will need the socialisation before school anyway.

OP I’ve worked nights for over a decade…and while you probably could. Aside from sleep. I think there will be dilemmas here you haven’t thought of -

1. what happens if DH isn’t home on time for you to go to shift? (Mine does long hours plus corporate entertaining, often unplanned and necessary for progression)
2. does it leave him with night time responsibility’s - does he want that? Can he always reliably do it (or does he sometimes need to be on the laptop overnight)?
3. how would the mornings work? Night shifts tend to end at 8am but handover? Commute time? Would there not be a school run and a care gap for the littlest? While I’m guessing it’s part independence - I do wonder if trying to work nights now, would end up causing more difficulties for you. As a parent to a non sleeper and someone that still occasionally does nights - doing them as a mum is totally different than in my twenties. I hate the lack of patience I have the next day, the mood dip, the poor food (yes it can all be manageable) but I do find I’m different and more playful with my kids when not on call.

And what is this unicorn job that replaces your old job, where you earn the same money as a weekly job.? Because I would love to do it!

I appreciate that some people have no choice, but night work is a factor in getting cancer. I would avoid if at all possible.

If your husband is not in work on a weekend why not look for a daytime few hours job then?

I know people are saying if you don't need the money don't bother working but then you get the reverse on Mumsnet "you should never rely on a man for money, you should have your own" .

I’ve done night shifts and then straight into the next day without sleep. Trust me, it is not possible. Even one night a week. You will become ill and really miserable.

This is a you problem.

Your child should come first. You are contributing by providing childcare.

this.

No. Is the simple answer to your question.

But you are contributing financially. With you not working your husband can work the hours he does because you look after the children for him.
I was a SAHP when our children were little. My husband never once questioned if I was pulling my weight and kept telling me what a great job I was doing.
OP, you cannot work nights and look after children.

Why is that ridiculous?

I'm sure people have managed when they have been desperate for the money and had no other option. It will be terrible for your mental health and patience though, you will probably be miserable and not manage parenting very well. If you don't desperately need the money, don't do it. Wait until your child starts preschool and start looking for a job within school hours then.

I’m sorry to hear that.

Do you mind saying how, was it stress?

I don't think it will work out. I used to work nights but mine were at school/school nursery 9-3. On the odd day one was sick or I couldn't get childcare in school holidays, I would stay up for the day and (now ex) DH would take over when he got in while I slept.

It was very not idea trying to sleep with him & kids in the house, as I was constantly getting disturbed and having to get up to sort something out. Definitely wouldn't want to do it every week. Might be better if your partner is a competent parent and can keep look after the kids without you.

We don't need the money but I'm going to choose to regularly stay awake for 36 hours while providing substandard care for a 2 year old.
That's ridiculous.

This is where the problem is. You (and/or he??) dont recognize the value and contribution that you bring to the family and running of the household. You are important. Being there for your children, doing the pick ups, housework, life admin, making meals (and on and on and on) is valuable. Your contribution allows your husband to have his high flying well paid career that brings the family money in. Dont flog yourself working nights on a minimum wage job just to make a few pennies. All that would lesd to is your exhaustion and burnout.

I would not consider this in your shoes tbh. You don't need the money and the disadvantages and risks of this type of work outweigh the small financial incentive.

If you want to earn / keep your skills up from the career you've had until now, surely find something very pt / wfh that's won't take much childcare. Alternatively, decide to be SAHP for now and try to keep up your skills and knowledge by reading / studying as needed.

Your dc are still so young and if your dh works long hours - you can reevaluate in a year or even 6 months.

I’ve done it before, it was brutal. Worked a night shift in hospital, came home and looked after young children all day. I could only manage it because it wasn’t all the time and I’d slept a bit the day before the night shift. By 7pm I was a mess!!

Yeah exactly !
Does he make you feel like you should be working ?
You are at home looking after both of your children OP 🤷🏻‍♀️

You need to look at why you feel so guilty about being a SAHP! Seriously, if you have the money, get some counselling and work out what really motivates you and why. It will stand you in good stead when you do return to the work place.

I worked night shifts in a social care organisation from when my baby was 7 months, by letting a room to a nurse working opposite shifts in the same setting, in exchange for overnight childcare. I'd unexpectedly become a lone parent and had to earn a living. It was stunningly, absolutely exhausting. If you don't have to, don't do it. Just check the next nanny's references or do a childcare swap with a mummy friend and work part time maybe?

You shouldn't feel terrible. It saddens me that so many women are feeling pressured into working when they don't need to.