Can you work nights with no childcare?

[Pixieknowle]

Due to recently losing my job we had to let our nanny go. It was extremely expensive and stressful as she became unreliable which led to me losing my job. I don’t want to employ another nanny.

My children are just under 2 and 5 and my husband works long hours and can’t do any drop offs / pick ups. He also would not be able to help if either child was sick etc. This is just how it is, he earns very well but in a cut throat industry. This won’t ever change.

Im reluctant to put the little one in nursery and start a new job at the same time, she’s been quite sickly as it is and I know for sure she will get sick at a new nursery this time of year which wont be compatible with starting a new job

I have been looking at night work, leaving after bedtime and home before my husband leaves. Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too? The pay is minimum wage so really not worth it if I have to pay for childcare (we don’t qualify for any funded childxare)

But you weren’t looking after a 2 year old then were you? Do you really think you can stay awake for 36 hours and be safe to drive and take care of your child?

Agree, I didn't work nights but could stay up all night at that age and still go to work fine the next day even though having no sleep.
It'd finish me off nowadays though! 😁
It's also a different ball game completely if you have a toddler and /or other kids running about
You have to be awake and competent for them.

I know you've said your reasons why you don't want to but honestly the only practical way of you working is by putting your younger one in nursery... any other way will be hugely expensive or inconvenient, unless you have grandparents that can help.

I have a two year old and do part time nights so i dont have to worry about childcare.
it is exhausting but its fine.

You ARE contributing! Up until quite recently, most people agreed that being a mum was the most important job in the world, and that you don't HAVE to work outside the home as long as you and your partner are happy for one of you to stay home when the kids are young, and support the other to work extra hours. You are working as a nanny, a cleaner, a house manager, and so many other things.
Personally I believe that in an ideal world, both parents would be able to work low part-time hours until the kids start school, but that's not going to happen, so each family should do what is best for them, but there is nothing wrong with only one parent working outside the home IF they're both happy with that, especially if one parent would hardly be bringing in any money and not enjoying their job/getting any sleep.

That's bonkers OP. Wait until the children are at school and find some day shifts. Youre no use to them without sleep.

If you’re on such a good single income and you’re keen to work then surely the obvious answer is put the two year old in nursery for the school day and sleep while the kids are out?
I don’t understand the point of this post

Ah, that's different.. if it's just one night ie you're not needing to work the following night then it's (possibly) doable. You just go to bed at 7pm or whenever you're little ones go to bed. I did something similar with a toddler - he's now 32! I'd be fully engaged and do normal things - may go to the swings at the park, then after some lunch at home I'd pull out the sofa bed and we'd have a snuggle ... I never slept as such.. we would just watch gentle nursery programs. One night a week sounds doable. Your mummy radar doesn't allow you to accidentally drop off! It was sweet, precious times. Tough times but we get through

I know a nurse that does night shifts then the school run
then sleeps in the day and pics up from school. Not every day tho, part time.

I would honestly just wait to get a job until the children are in full time education if you’re not going to struggle financially. You don’t need to feel guilty for not contributing as you can start contributing when it’s the right time. Whether you think one or two nights work without sleep the following morning will be fine, it won’t. I promise you, you will fall asleep when sitting on the sofa when your 2 year old is playing with her toys or watching tv etc., and it’ll be through sheer exhaustion.

I would party Friday and Saturday nights. Roll home. Quick shower and change into uniform
and then off to work in my 20s. I would not cope now!

you also need to sleep and you could be so tired that you are dangerous to drive.

if you can pay all your bills via husband then just stay at home until little one is able to go to school.

if you want to work because it’s what you need to do then find a job and get another nanny as the aren’t all the same.

I wouldn’t, I’d see if there’s other way you can make money such as an online typing job an hour a day for a few days vs one night shift a week - or employ a childminder for one full day 8-6 and work that daytime day? I worked nights on and off for years - even just working one night shift you can be absolutely exhausted the next day it really isn’t worth messing your own sleep cycle up for and risking sleeping on the job with the active 2 year old x

Definitely not. I work 2 night shifts. Midnight until 7 twice a week. Midweek my mum has her the day after and weekend my husband is home. My daughter is 3 and I’ve been doing it just over a year. I get a really good wage though. No way could I stay awake, never mind take care of a toddler.

You could probably manage if you have to. But if you don’t need the money right now and aren’t worried about financial abuse I’d just take some time.

This.

I'm wondering why your husband gets to continue his career as though he doesn't have children why you totally sacrifice yours and are considering sleep deprivation as a viable option?

There are surely other options here.

• Another nanny - sounds like you were pretty unlucky with the last one? You wouldn't necessarily have the same issues again.
• Childminder - smaller environment than nursery and usually cheaper than a nanny
• Or your husband could change job and work for an employer who understands that male employees have families too?
• What skills do you have? Would they lend themselves to freelancing? When my children were very small I did some freelance work - it was part time enough that I could fit it into nap time and maybe an hour or two after they went to bed.
• You could take a break from work for a while (but I'd say have a plan for when/how you're going to return and knock all this feeling terrible about not contributing on the head as well: if he's not going to take his share of the parenting load then he can't really complain if he's made it so difficult for you to work. Without your contribution at home he couldn't earn what he does)

Girl. Don’t do it.

If you don’t need the money don’t do it now. Relish this time to not need to worry about work if the DC are sick or childcare issues. Soon enough they’ll be in school and maybe a school hours, term time only job would work then.

Would you hire a nanny who hadn’t slept for 36 hours to look after your children? Of course not, so you know it’s a terrible and dangerous idea.

You are. If you weten't there he woukd have to pay for childcare and a housekeeper to cover you. You don't have to work outside the home as well unless you want to or need to. However, yes you can do one night a werk without sleeping - i did it for years. But i did it because i needed to to survive, i woukdn't recommend it just so you can not pay for chikdcare.

So your DH won't "help" with his own child, that alone is very telling. Him in his big important job, leaving you to work a night shift and not caring that you are considering missing a night's sleep. When you say "we don't need the money":do you have access to money or does your DH keep it all?

Hi, would you be in a position to have the 30 hours when your child is three (I know it's term time only so actually equates as less) If so, I wonder if it's worth you looking at just taking the few months off until then.

Also, just flagging that if you are doing all of the pick ups, drop offs ets, you are contributing massively financially. I have an ex husband in what sounds like the same industry. There is no way he could achieve what he does at work if he had to drop a child at nursery at 8am and be back there to collect them at 5.30 then doing dinner, bath and bed.

I'm not sure what your skills are, but maybe look at a bit of freelance work on upwork or through connections. You could then do it when your husband is home or your child is asleep.

Good post, sensible suggestions.

I worked nights for 7 years, never back to back just incase of childcare issues etc.
My family helped to look after the children and at times I was let down at last minute due to someone being poorly. I had to pull my socks up and muscle through looking after 2 children with no sleep. Then Covid happened and it became the new normal for me. I did 4 years of working a night shift and then looking after my children.

At times it was tough, but I managed.
My youngest hated it when I changed jobs and hated going back to being looked after. He missed that time with mum. I always felt like I wasn't the best version of me post night shift. I might have been irritable/cranky or sleepy or worried that i would fall asleep and not pick up my eldest.
I suppose it was nice in a way, that when I changed to days my youngest missed all of that one to one time. Even though I felt like I had let them down in that time, they proved that it was the best years of their life and close bonds were formed.

No one can tell you to work nights/not work nights. It is what fits best with your life and your families lives. As a person, they are not great for your health and wellbeing long term and my MH was shot to bits by the time I left. As a mum, they help to bring in an income whilst still being there for your family.

I will also add, have a look around, there are places that will offer more money. At the end of the day, you are sacrificing sleep and sanity. Im not sure what role you are looking for, but you could always try finding an NHS bank or agency which would pay better and you can choose when to work.

No you can’t.
Just get a day job and put them in nursery. Or maybe a term time job so when the youngest starts school it won’t be an issue?

It’s very odd to not put a child in nursery in case they become sick.
Children being sick builds up immunity, it’s not a bad thing.

Could you become a Childminder as they are very in demand and that would enable you to be at home for your children . Look into the skills / training you would need .

You are contributing, by being there for your kids.
I didn’t work (my choice) so that I could be there for the drop offs, the pick ups with the chats about their day, cooking meals, going to the playground.
Whilst I know some people don’t have a choice, or really need a career, I wanted to spend the time with the kids (I was late coming to motherhood due to miscarriages etc) and we could manage, with fewer luxuries, while I spent those years with them.