Can you work nights with no childcare?

[Pixieknowle]

Due to recently losing my job we had to let our nanny go. It was extremely expensive and stressful as she became unreliable which led to me losing my job. I don’t want to employ another nanny.

My children are just under 2 and 5 and my husband works long hours and can’t do any drop offs / pick ups. He also would not be able to help if either child was sick etc. This is just how it is, he earns very well but in a cut throat industry. This won’t ever change.

Im reluctant to put the little one in nursery and start a new job at the same time, she’s been quite sickly as it is and I know for sure she will get sick at a new nursery this time of year which wont be compatible with starting a new job

I have been looking at night work, leaving after bedtime and home before my husband leaves. Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too? The pay is minimum wage so really not worth it if I have to pay for childcare (we don’t qualify for any funded childxare)

I'm a real advocate for women working and keeping some finances of their own, but in this case, even I'd say stay home.

If you don't need the money, then why do a job for minimum wage that will rob you of sleep and isn't likely to make you much fun to be around (tired and grumpy)?

Have an honest discussion with your husband. If you're both on the same page, that will help. By staying home you're saving him childcare costs now and most likely doing more than your share of home tasks, making his life easier.

Then, make a plan for your eventual return to work, whether that's part time a couple of years from now or full time once both kids are at school. You could even think about upskilling now, doing an online course or something, so that you've got a better chance of a higher wage once you go back.

If you have the finances now, make sure your NI contributions are being kept up while you're not working.

But I assume you did this out of desperate financial necessity? It would be idiotic to do it just for the hell of it, and that’s the situation the OP is in. Apart from anything else, it would be irresponsible to drive the next day, so unless OP lives somewhere she can walk to everything, it will be pretty restrictive.

I’m in a profession where working all night and then all the next day was a regular occurrence while I was training / newly qualified so I also know what it’s like. I survived it, but it’s not something I would recommend if it could be avoided. One of the women I graduated with was killed a year later after falling asleep at the wheel and hitting a tree.

Unless essential, just dont. Nights have such an impact on wellbeing, and the brain. You'll be exhausted and likely short tempered with a toddler to care for, It's just really not worth it unless you desperately need to.

Husband had Saturday and Sunday off so I would work nights Friday and Saturday.
i could sleep while he looked after DC.
Built up a better relationship with them at this point which benefited all of us in the long term

Being in your 20s and childfree coping with little sleep is absolutely not the same as being in your 30s and caring for 2 children. I also think that you haven’t considered what your week might look like if you have poor sleep the other days due to 2 year old teething or having sleep regressions and dropping naps etc or either child being sick and up during the night meaning you could have a good few days of no sleep with night shifts on top. I really think it would be awful for your physical and mental health and ability to care for your children to do night shifts that you don’t need to do!

What does your husband think about you not working? If you don’t need the money right now then focus on being a well rested Mum, there is plenty of time for you to earn more money in the future.

Unless it’s a dream job or something you really want to do for yourself, I don’t know why you would be taking a minimum wage job with nights shifts when your husband earns £100K. It doesn’t make logical sense, unless you’re being pressured by your husband to work?

Also what if your 2 year old has a bad night and won’t settle? Then your husband will have to deal with that on his own and be tired for work etc himself. Not saying he shouldn’t be parenting during those times but it just doesn’t make sense for you to be out all night when you don’t need the money. Also one or two nights a week might sound doable in theory but you’re literally going to be awake for 24 hours like that’s dangerous to be honest! I hope you wouldn’t be driving…

We don’t need the money but I feel terrible not contributing financially

OP you will be contributing. Up until now you’ve been paying for childcare but when you do it it has no value?

I think you can do it if it’s a couple of nights a week. Many parents are sleep deprived due to various reasons.
However don’t make childcare just your problem. Did you have a well paid career before to be able ro employ the nanny? If so, I would try and get back to that.

@ProfessionalPirate But I assume you did this out of desperate financial necessity? It would be idiotic to do it just for the hell of it, and that’s the situation the OP is in. Apart from anything else, it would be irresponsible to drive the next day, so unless OP lives somewhere she can walk to everything, it will be pretty restrictive

No, not at all. Part of this was to save on childcare fee’s if we could but certainly nothing any sort of financial desperation, as I earnt very good money, he earnt okay money (he took a sideways non-growth path when we had kids to allow me to really get ahead and my shifts often bled over significantly into doubles etc as it was), more an opportunity to really get ahead professionally and financially with the bonus of the kids avoiding care. Nothing idiotic about it. As I said, I’d had many years during training where we worked 72hours straight, short breaks and repeat so you knew you could do it. They certainly didn’t provide taxi’s for us during training 🤣🤣🤣 so you just get by in that respect. I never had an issue driving to/from work during that period because you just got trained into going the distance really. I did know a few people die in vehicles during training, but frankly that seemed more to be self-induced as an extreme way to get out which was unrelated.

Click bait this. Grow up.

The notion of you getting a minimum wage job and doing a couple of night shifts meaning no sleep just so you can ‘contribute’ when your DH is a high earner makes no sense. People do those jobs often through desperation, or because they’re unable to do much else due to education level.

You could use this time to a) spend with your children while they’re small and b) maybe retrain? Do an online or even evening course instead. When your youngest hits school age, then you can reconsider returning to work full time and hire a childminder before and after school or pay the school wraparound care.

Sorry, a single night shift a week at minimum wage (assuming, as what other job would want someone one night a week?) would bring in what, £50? So a couple grand a year? Really doesn’t seem worth it when your household income is already over £100k.

Why ist looking after your home and children while your DH is at work not making a financial contribution? Could he do his job without the nanny or you caring for them? Im guessing not.

You are just making life unnecessarily difficult for yourself thinking this way

I’ve worked night shifts over the years. I occasionally had to stay up after my last shift for the day but I’ll be honest it’s not pleasant. You might be able to do this as a one off and drag yourself through by keeping busy but not consistently. You definitely couldn’t stay up and watch a child if you had to be back in nights that night. It’s just not really a feesable plan.

Yes, in my experience night shifts got a whole lot harder when I reached my 30s. No way could I get away with not sleeping afterwards, and they just made me feel generally ill the whole time. Switched to a day-only job.

I you don’t need to take paid work, don’t. You are massively contributing by looking after the children and saving the need for spending on childcare.

Work from home; I used to make + repair clothes & soft furnishings, internal decorating, graphics & artwork or gardening all for local folks. There’s loads of stuff you can make money at & have your child with you.

Honestly, I would normally be the first to say that getting a job would be better for you and your family, but you seem to be putting yourself in very stressful situations just for the sake of having a job, unnecessarily.

If you don't need the money but need the childcare, working nights on a minimum wage job seems bonker.

You would be much better off looking for a part-time admin job from home, self-employed opportunities, or a remote training that will give you more choices long term once your kids are in school.

All of those things can be done from home, and would be more compatible with childcare until your youngest get some funded hours.

One or two nights per week might be possible. Can you find evening jobs so that it doesn’t cancel the full night? Mine is in nursery but ill all the time, husband is no help either, so I started to work from 8pm-midnight on most days to catch up on hours I lose during the day.

Can you stay home for a few years, then maybe look for a term time only job.nights are punishing .my friend was a nurse and did 2 nights. Very tiring though.even though her mum helped her a lot so she could rest.everyone needs sleep .DC are tiring!

Agree! perfectly put. You're both working and contributing. You're just not being paid for it. and right now you are saving the family money by not having the nanny

Does he feel terrible not contributing to any childcare?

Yes, you do need to sleep. You cannot function safely when your mind and body are exhausted……add an active 2 yr old and it amplifies the need for you to be able to think, react and be alert!

You are contributing you staying home and caring for the kids saves thousands in childcare costs and allows him to build his career to pay for things. He cant have the career he has if you are not at home so i hope he appreciates you.

You are contributing by looking after the children and running the house. What’s the point if earning money if you have to spend it on a nanny?