Can you work nights with no childcare?

[Pixieknowle]

Due to recently losing my job we had to let our nanny go. It was extremely expensive and stressful as she became unreliable which led to me losing my job. I don’t want to employ another nanny.

My children are just under 2 and 5 and my husband works long hours and can’t do any drop offs / pick ups. He also would not be able to help if either child was sick etc. This is just how it is, he earns very well but in a cut throat industry. This won’t ever change.

Im reluctant to put the little one in nursery and start a new job at the same time, she’s been quite sickly as it is and I know for sure she will get sick at a new nursery this time of year which wont be compatible with starting a new job

I have been looking at night work, leaving after bedtime and home before my husband leaves. Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too? The pay is minimum wage so really not worth it if I have to pay for childcare (we don’t qualify for any funded childxare)

You don’t need the money! Yabu

I agree, I could never have not worked both to contribute and for my own sanity, (intellectual challenge and conversation) but also for my children's sake. When you say your little one was sickly, do you mean serious sickness or just prone to picking up bugs? I'd do everything to get my child in to some kind of communal setting (nursery or childminder), its much better for their development if they have at least some part of their early years amongst other children rather than being home alone with a single adult.

Lack of sleep will age you. It is the biggest single determinant of health. Don’t work night shifts unless you really have to.

You are a team. It is best for your family right now, for you to be as refreshed as possible. Your main job is looking after the children so you can't be cranky, sleeping or sick too often.

Only work as many hours as it takes for you to keep your qualification up to date. Studying to upgrade might be possible now. Medium term, it might be best for your family situation if you could work during school hours and only during school term.

Once the youngest is in school you will have less need for childcare but you will still be the main care giver.
Your DH's work dynamics will make family holidays essential so you need a flexible job.

A couple I know used to share the childcare. One had a steady 9-5 job, the other worked nights as a nurse. They did it with good cooperation and communication.
(The father even had a hobby.)

They said it wasn't ideal and they needed to be very organised but they got through it. Lovely family - it helped that their kids only had a small age gap and were pretty immune to germs.

You’d rather work 2 night shifts a week an forgo two whole days of sleep than put your child in nursery? This is crazy!
I worked occasional nights as a single Mum and couldn’t have done it if I hadn’t had childcare during the day so I could sleep. Have you worked nights before? It’s incredibly hard and I would say dangerous to be left in charge of a two year old after literally not an ounce of sleep.

This
When are you planning on sleeping?!
You'll be dead on your feet, especially with a 2 year old.

Well you are contributing. You are looking after your Dc which enables your DH to earn well.

I guess you could do a Fri night and your DH take care of the kids while you sleep on Saturday.

But is this what you both want? What he wants? To ck e home in. Friday, do bed time alone while you disappear to work, spend Saturday looking after kids alone, the two of you not having time together?

How much is the toll on your marriage worth? For what?

I honestly can’t believe a decent husband and father would for a minute want this for his wife - the person in sole charge of his child all day having had no sleep.

If you don't need the money, then don't do it.
I get you want to pay your way financially, but you've got small kids who need looking after and you won't be able to do that well if you've done yourself in on nights.

Is your husband pressuring you to go back to work or being financially abusive? Looking after children is work, it allows your husband to work full time without paying for childcare! If you don't want to send your child to nursery yet for whatever reason and you have the financial means, it's perfectly okay in your position to not kill yourself by doing a minimum wage job on zero sleep, and wait to go to work until they either go to preschool or start reception.

Plenty of jobs don't mind if you have to look after a sick child.

I don't want to be rude but is your husband the reason you feel this way? i.e is he telling you that you have to get a job in order to contribute financially, despite him being a very high earner? Or is this just how YOU feel?

If you came into a large sum of money (let's say millions) which would make you set for life, would you feel your husband still had to go to work in order to "contribute financially"?

I'm pretty sure you wouldn't. Because you'd have enough money that he wouldn't need to do that.

Just like your current situation, only your husband is the one with enough money to cover everything

This doesn't make sense to me. It sounds like neither you or DH value work caring for children. Why would you feel terrible to be caring for your own child? Do you think other women who care for their children are worthless?

If you stay home you are saving the cost of childcare which is exactly the same from a financial perspective as working to pay childcare. So unless you earn more than childcare you can't contribute financially anyway.

Have you mapped out your proposed week?

Monday- normal
Tuesday- normal
Wednesday- wake up 6.30, childcare all day work overnight starting at 8pm
Thursday- get in at 6am, maybe 2 hours sleep? Then up all day with childcare (maybe a short nap after lunch) and go to bed when husband gets back from
work. At this point you’ve been up for 36 hours with about 2-3 hours sleep.
Friday- normal
Saturday- maybe a lie in? Then work at 8, work overnight.
Sunday- get in at 6am, maybe 4 hours sleep then up with the kids. I guess if your Dh isn’t working you could get a nap in the afternoon and/ or an early night.

Personally I would find this incredibly challenging and I would only do it if we were about to be on the streets/ starve.

Could you not prepare yourself for when your youngest starts school- start planning and getting relevant experience and qualifications for something sustainable.

Sleep deprived people take bigger risks and have slower responses which is why it’s not advised to drive without sufficient sleep. You shouldn’t look after a two year old without having any sleep.

Nightduty is terrible for your health, especially if you're also running a home and looking after your children. You are more than contributing.

Yes I did it. Friday - Sunday into Monday finishing at 6am with a 18mth old and 2.5 year old. Both not at nursery. It was soo hard but I took them out on a Monday and slept well Monday night.

Whoa!

Pre kids you were younger and you weren't constantly thinking about the house and family.

There is no chance that you'll survive doing nights without sleeping now.

You're being so ridiculous.
Pay yourself the nanny's salary and use the salary to 'contribute' to the household as you seem desperate to do.
After a month or two of moving money from one of your accounts to another, you'll realise how ridiculous what you're doing is.

ETA Its also insulting to those who are SAHMs whose chiildren benefit immensely from being with their parent all day every day. You're getting too caught up in the MN idea that those who don't work until they drop dead, aren't 'contributing' to the house or society. Its absolute nonsense that the gov. have brainwashed people into believing.

Work when your DH is at home instead.

If you could afford to pay for a nanny, who is now gone, why on earth do you need to find a minimum wage night shift job? Don't be so bloody ridiculous

Working nights like that will mess up your body clock badly. Really wouldn’t recommend it.

I work twilight hours and finish my shifts at 1am, into bed by 2am so then I get 5ish hours sleep depending on when my two little ones wake up. That gives me enough sleep but I wouldn’t be able to work past that hour and still function the next day. I do that 4/5 days a week. That could work better for you especially if you don’t need the money so don’t necessarily need to do longer shifts.

I did this for 6 months and it ruined me mentally and physically. Don’t do it OP, I know times are tough but don’t do this to yourself