Can you work nights with no childcare?

[Pixieknowle]

Due to recently losing my job we had to let our nanny go. It was extremely expensive and stressful as she became unreliable which led to me losing my job. I don’t want to employ another nanny.

My children are just under 2 and 5 and my husband works long hours and can’t do any drop offs / pick ups. He also would not be able to help if either child was sick etc. This is just how it is, he earns very well but in a cut throat industry. This won’t ever change.

Im reluctant to put the little one in nursery and start a new job at the same time, she’s been quite sickly as it is and I know for sure she will get sick at a new nursery this time of year which wont be compatible with starting a new job

I have been looking at night work, leaving after bedtime and home before my husband leaves. Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too? The pay is minimum wage so really not worth it if I have to pay for childcare (we don’t qualify for any funded childxare)

This is the second thread I’ve read this week where the husband isn’t able to reduce his hours, do school runs, works away at the drop of a hat etc and the OP says this is non negotiable because of the industry he works in.
What the hell is going on where women are still putting up with spouses who seem to have very well paid jobs but haven’t got the balls negotiate more family friendly working hours to do their bit as a parent? It’s like we slipped back to the 1950s!
The issue shouldn’t be ‘how can I earn a bit of money when my DH won’t look after his own kids’, but ‘what’s the best way of sharing the care of our kids when we both work’.
Mothers, raise the bar!

What’s the point of men having kids if they’re too busy with their very important jobs to be able to look after their own children regularly.

To be honest, though, it doesn't necessarily come from this generation. It might be the MiL/Mum who 'naturally' gets more involved, possibly due to the fact of her being the primary care giver to her own children.

I know in my family, my Dad, vaguely wafts in to read a story before going for another nap, while my Mum is up at the crack of dawn (actually, before the kids) wanting to play.

It angers me no end. But after many conversations about you 'get out what you put in' with kids, I'm done with it all.

However, my FIL sits and plays with the kids for hours and my MiL is entirely fixated on her own schedule and is mostly out of the house running errands (not british).

I do nights and have similar age kids and have even had the unreliable nanny

i think it’s very hard to do what you’re suggesting. The minute they are 3 can they go to school preschool? Much cheaper and then the wraparound is the same for both. And then do what suits around that work wise. I am exhausted between nights in my 30s and definitely at the end of them

I work nights.I’ve stayed up after my last shift before and survived but I wouldn’t recommend it. If you don’t need to do it, why would you. Give it a few years until your little one is at school and look for something in line with school hours

You need to think about your childcare contribution to the household as the “work” element in the family.
I totally get your POV though, I hated the brief period not earning my own money.
Have a proper discussion with your DH about this. Taking a temporary break from work may be the best solution but only if this doesn’t leave you financially vulnerable in the future or unable to pick up your career later. For example he could pay into a pension scheme for you while you are a SAHM.

Your contribution is finanical: if you werent caring for yournchildren you'd need to pay for nursery or childcare. Contributions aren't all financial either, is this your own worry or have you been made to feel worried about your contribution by your husband?

You can’t be serious!

What’s the point in a single or 2 minimum wage night shift? Where’s the benefit? Sounds shit for the family, shit for you, already a childcare headache and not going to benefit your finances. You said your husband earns well. The upside to that is that this can be very simple - just have some time off. Reassess in a year when your younger is maybe more resilient health-wise and nursery feels safer?

How did you lose your job ? Bit mean of your employer to finish you because of nanny issues

If you don’t need the money it’s not worth the stress. Won’t be long until they start nursery and school before you know it.
How much were you making after paying the childcare? ( rhetorical question)
Unless of course you feel you need your own income because your DH is controlling with money? ( In which case that’s another issue altogether) . There’s a few twighlight shifts at supermarkets- few hrs in the evenings? Same for Care typically.

This. I work with many men who can’t be flexible can’t do drop offs can’t stay in the country can’t predict their patterns

amazingly, I, in the same job, manage 🙄IMO these men just can’t cope with much, and certainly don’t want to do the drudge so happy to leave to wifey.

OP you’ve gone from a job which at least part funded a nanny to saying you need to do a min wage night shift rather than put your child in nursery? This is quite disturbing to be honest. What is behind this?

Absolutely not, you will kill yourself from sleep deprivation and possibly end up harming one of your children, especially if you need to drive.

Children deserve our full attention when we’re with them. Nursery is wonderful, much better for them than being shuttled around by a nanny with no opportunities for building friendships and proper socialisation. Put your youngest in nursery. Then you can be fully present and engaged when you’re with her. Quality over quantity is always better.

Think how much more terrible you will feel when you crash your car doing the school run and injury yourself, your kids or someone else. As someone who does night shifts occasionally (nurse), this is a terrible and frankly an unsafe plan. The tiredness after a night shift is like nothing else, I have a two year and 5 year old as well and no I absolutely would not trust myself to look after them after a night shift on no sleep. I would go as far as saying it would be as bad as looking after them while intoxicated.

But you are currently contributing financially by being at home and not paying for a nanny or a nursery/after school care. It’s just that your labour is in the home, not in a workplace.

I stopped reading at the part you said your husband can't help with pick up and drop off. Bollocks. My husband and I are in very high paying, high stress jobs and we both manage school and nursery run between us just fine.

You can if you have to.

Instead of night work why don't you look at evening work? Pubs, restaurants, cinemas etc where you'll be looking at working from 6pm until midnight or so. That way your day after isn't wrecked, you don't destroy your sleep schedule.

Honestly though, if your husband earns loads of money and is unable to do childcare due to work it seems like it makes a lot more sense to not work whilst your kids are young.

The majority of night shift nurses I worked with, did it for these reasons. They split their shifts and didn't go to bed after a shift. They did it for years.
I was young and childless. I couldn't split my shifts (fulltime) but I didn't sleep after my last shift either. I considered it to be a "reset",and to be honest couldn't sleep in the day anyway. I had to take my turn at nights, or I wouldn't have.
So, it can be done. However, is it good for you? No.

You need to try to get past this.
Looking after a child at home is equally valid "work". I had to take 6 years out as I had 3 DC under 4 years and it was the only childcare solution that actually worked.
I did recover my career afterwards and I've never regretted spending that time with them.

Don't feel terrible if his work makes it impossible for you to work! You look after your child and he can't so you don't really need to contribute financially

Can you wait until your dd is 3 and get your dc into a pre school facility?

Not everything in life is about money for everyone. If I came into millions, I would still work and I'd expect my partner to as well. (To me, people who don't understand why working is so unimportant are deeply unattractive - I would leave any man who didn't work whether I was a millionaireor not). Work isn't just about money, it's about making a contribution, challenging your brain, meeting new people, intelligent conversation and achieving growth. The money is a byproduct.

You want to work nights with no childcare when you don’t need the money? Don’t be silly, that’s batshit crazy. Totally get you want to work - time to think more creatively, maybe retrain?

also can your dh drop a day at work for 12 months so you can work? What would the tax implications for him be?

as you wouldn't be paying tax - although do you give him part of your tax free allowance?

It would be worth working out how much your dh income would be net if he dropped one day a week, in comparison to his net pay now

then work out what your pay would be tax free and whether it is beneficial for you to do the one night and him stay home one day per week with the dc