Can you work nights with no childcare?

[Pixieknowle]

Due to recently losing my job we had to let our nanny go. It was extremely expensive and stressful as she became unreliable which led to me losing my job. I don’t want to employ another nanny.

My children are just under 2 and 5 and my husband works long hours and can’t do any drop offs / pick ups. He also would not be able to help if either child was sick etc. This is just how it is, he earns very well but in a cut throat industry. This won’t ever change.

Im reluctant to put the little one in nursery and start a new job at the same time, she’s been quite sickly as it is and I know for sure she will get sick at a new nursery this time of year which wont be compatible with starting a new job

I have been looking at night work, leaving after bedtime and home before my husband leaves. Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too? The pay is minimum wage so really not worth it if I have to pay for childcare (we don’t qualify for any funded childxare)

Nurse tries to help single mum daughter with childcare - ended up with multi organ failure !

Rubbish for the others on duty not to mention the patients!

You need to flip the script on that.

He does 100% of the financial contribution and you do 100% of the childcare to facilitatethose hours.

If you want to contribute 20% then he needs to be home 20% of the time or paying half the childcare to facilitate you working.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

In what world do you think you should match his working hours and then do more hours to bring home a tuppence?

He shares 50% of his salary or pays 50% of childcare.

I had my youngest at home without childcare working split nights but it was definitely a needs must situation for us and my DH was WFH so present in the house. Im also an insomniac who needs very little sleep but it left me feeling permanently hungover for a year or so until nursery was funded. Can absolutely manage it with kids in school 9-3 though.

Are you a nurse or HCSW? Reach out and see whats available locally. I've recently taken both on for 3 twilight's a week which I think would be absolutley perfect for a bit of cash and keeping your hand in and working around kids.

Urgh. Honestly. Weary of shite like this.
You should do it 5 nights a week, OP, to properly contribute. Then you could have 2 nights of overtime. It'll be easy money.

Why are you planning on going to an early grave? Night shifts are detrimental to your heath, lack of sleep knocks years off your life, as well as increases serious health issues, it's just not worth it and for what? Minimum wage?
You can't look after a toddler after having no sleep, it's not safe, and driving with no sleep is the same offence as drink driving, puts everyone at risk. Do yourself a favour and don't work night shifts ever.

You are contributing financially. You are providing the 24 hour, 7 day a week childcare that allows your DH to work, travel etc as he does.

I agree with this.
I mean, OP says they don't need the money.
I get the need to want to contribute financially, but surely health is important too? Not to mention that kids won't benefit much from a parent with them that's been awake for over 24 hours straight (like a whole weekend)
Not everything's about money. Health is important too, if you can do without the extra money chill a bit. Nothing's worth doing yourself in for job wise, especially if you don't need to.

Exactly, OP. You're saving money not having the Nanny, and lifting the burden of stress is priceless. You already have a full time job. Wait a while, see what happens.

As someone who has to work ‘late’ shifts until 3am and then look after my kids 2 nights a week- don’t do it.

There must be more to it than you just feel bad for not financially contributing to your well paid husband’s wages?? It’s completely nonsensical. You will be contributing by caring for the children.

Either that or you drastically underestimate the impact it can have on your physical and emotional wellbeing. I’m saying that as someone who doesn’t even work the whole night. It’s so draining and you never catch up. I do it out of necessity because my job demands it, but I would never do it out of choice.

If you don’t need the money, don’t do it! You will mess up your body for no real gain! Spend some time doing a course and improving your prospects for the future. What is your passion or what you enjoy doing, is there some skill you can learn around that?

I wouldn’t fear nursery too much, they are highly beneficial and they come in all shapes and sizes! You can find smaller ones that suit your child. Some have structured lessons and are mostly indoors, my child’s is a child lead one where they encourage curiosity and have access to huge outdoor space and messy play all day. My daughter actually came along in leaps and bounds when she started nursery, we started her on a few mornings for 3 hours when she was 2 and half and after a few months switched to 2 days a week(9am-3.45pm), then 3 days and now she is over 4 she is on 4 days. It has been brilliant for her - it has really helped her socialise and she has learned so much from being around other kids - at that age they learn much more from watching and copying other children. She loves going in now and is excited, gives me hugs and tells me she will miss me but then bounces away to find her friends with a smile. The first year she did catch a million bugs and it was hard but this year she’s actually been much better, her immune system is so much stronger and hasn’t been off sick since October. The gp actually said to me that kids that go to nursery get sick less in reception year because they’ve been exposed to more stuff. It will also be an easier transition for school in terms of getting used to being away from you for short periods. Something to consider!

Does your dp feel terrible not contributing in any other way?

How is he contributing to childcare, parenting, household chores?

Why do you need to pay for childcare out of your minimum wage income when your dp is a high earner? Surely he pays for childcare in that case!

If your night shifts are not consecutive then perfectly doable. I did it with my 3. It was hard, but the bonus was being available through the holidays or if they were poorly and unable to attend school.

This. You need to rethink everything here. This doesn't add up. But also u need to secure your financial future

Was that 7 nights in a row and did you sleep during the day? I have done that ( ex-nurse) and by the time Monday morning came around after handover I’d be nearly delirious from tiredness!

Please don’t do this to yourself. You are contributing to the household, you are raising your family.

Theres no need to actively affect your mental and physical health if you don’t have to.
I don’t work nights, but I watch my DH do it every few weeks for a 5 days and it absolutely wrecks him.

I haven't read the fill thread, but don't.
I tried and it nearly killed me.

Being sleepless for 36 hours while caring for a toddler is a huge safety risk for that child. Your judgment will be impaired on that little sleep.

The only way I would consider this would be if it was essential for your safety and that of your children that you have money your husband can't touch.

Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too?

As a night shift worker of decades, no. There is no safe way to do that.

I’ll go against the grain here and say, yes, totally doable.

I used to do this. When ours were young we avoided care by DH and I working opposite days/shifts. I used to work mainly nights as higher pay and not popular and was easier to progress to higher level that way for the area I was in back in the day. We would often tag team in/out the door which resulted in me arriving home them looking after kids of a day until DH arrived home, grabbed 2 hours sleep then I was off. Then there would be other days when I arrive home, he was home for few days and I’d sleep 24 hours straight. We did that right through from having them to the end of primary school years (and school years are an absolute doddle as then you get a chunk of 5hrs in day straight to sleep).

For the smart arse who said ‘try staying up for 3 days straight and see how it works’ that’s exactly the conditions everyone worked under when I was in training. We were regularly on for 72hrs straight, and often lucky to go home for 12 hours before being back to do it again and again and again, so most people just slept on-site (we had rooms with beds you could crash on). And that was literally a life and death job. They don’t do this any longer but we all lived through it. So, many years later when I had kids staying up through and just looking after a few kids was a doddle in comparison and very doable.

If your husband earns well as you say why do you have to work nights? Woek part time if you have to. You will collapse and be ill if you work all night and up all day with the kids sounds unrealistic

I don't think you should do this, the potential benefit hardly seems worth the impact of losing two nights of sleep a week. In your shoes, I'd find a job offering a couple of day shifts (if you really want to go to work, personally I think you're already contributing!) and put little one in nursery or with a local childminder. Or share childcare with a friend and arrange to work different days to them, and look after each others' kids while the other works. I do this with friends in the school holidays and it feels great to support each other. Any of these options would be infinitely better for you AND your child I think.

Could you do a twilight shift such as 8pm-2am? If your DH would be back in time then youd still get enough sleep to function.

Does your husband feel terrible not contributing non financially?

Im a nurse and work long night shifts. Hand on heart they are the absolute pits, especially when you factor in caring for young children and just generally getting older yourself.

Those shifts where I finish my nights and have no childcare and no sleep are of course doable, but I'm walking around like a potato zombie.

So to round off, night shifts - would not recommend. Especially without sleep or any real need financially.