I don’t want this life, I want my old one.

[Ionlydrinkcokeafewtimesperyear]

Dd is now at school and i’m back to work almost full time (one day off a week)
I went to the shopping mall type place today and felt so sad. I used to regularly take Dd, go for a coffee, play places, choose her new, gorgeous clothes to buy. Every day was something nice ti do and somewhere to go or we’d stay in and do crafts or play in the garden, read, bake etc. Even walking the dog isn’t the same, memories of her running in front in her wellies in the fields, now is just Ddog and I, no little chatter beside me.
I miss my mum group too, we’d regularly meet at play grounds and became close, now everyone is back at work.
They were the best days, I wish they hadn’t ended, things just seem grey and stressful and boringly work based

It's really hard when they start school but you do adjust. I remember being sad going shopping without dd as I'd had a toddler in tow for about 15 years at that point (4 kids four years apart). It's pretty normal to dislike change. Honestly it gets better.

Then you do it again when they move to juniors, secondary and uni.

I just keep reminding myself this is what your doing it for. To see them grow and flourish.

You are so lucky to have had that four times

Do something you enjoy on your day off. Big or small. You need that.

Nothing can stay the same forever.

mine are 17 and 19 now and barely need me at all. It takes some getting used to but you either need to embrace it or mope.

Welcome to adult, responsible life….. it sucks 🤣

Be thankful you had the opportunity. I have 3 DC who are 6, 4 and 3. I’ve had to go back to work full time after my 6 month maternity for each due to COL. I’ve never that the chance to do those things with mine. Only on the days I’m not working my shifts, whilst also caring for my elderly mother. Look back and feel blessed. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid as they are but I wish I could have the chance to do the same.

It is difficult, can you retrain in something that excites you?

Sounds like you have lovely memories. There will be more fun times.

Well, I’ve always had an adult, responsible life since, well, being an adult…this small part of it was just so much nicer

Do you want more babies? 👶

I’m very thankful.
Be thankful you have 3, i’d give anything for that 💓

I remember this when my youngest started school. For a split second, I would be about to park in a parent & child space, and then the sadness would hit me

It can be hard adjusting to each new stage as it comes along. Life can’t stay the same and that’s what makes the ordinary little moments so special- and many of us don’t realise how special they were until we look back. My DCs are 20 and 17. I love being a parent to older teens/young adults- I’ve probably done the best of my parenting in the last few years. I found being a Mum to babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers much harder. But I sometimes feel so overwhelmed with sadness when I recall the bath times and story times and the pyjamaed snuggles 😭

And all of this said with recognition that I have been very lucky to have two children that I wanted. I know some don’t get any; some don’t get as many as they’d like. Some have children that they didn’t truly want. So I’m grateful and count my blessings.

I’d love to, but can’t unfortunately

I hear you, op. It's ok to be sad and miss it.
Saying goodbye to a chapter of life you enjoyed is always hard

OP,parenting has its stages. It’s winter time and the days are short but they are getting longer so you will be able to spend some time with DD.

It’s hard sometimes when we try to juggle everything and find the balance.

These better,longer,sunnier days will come🙂
Take each day as it comes(grey and dull at the moment unfortunately) but find something that suits you both.

Hi OP. I get you. My life has changed. Carer for elderly relative. I would like my old life back

Awwww I’m not in your situation but I totally get what you mean. I went back to work when my son was 1 but I loved mat leave with him and our little outings and I recently had 2.5 weeks off work at Christmas just being a mum and I was soooo sad to go back because life seemed so lovely and simple and like my corporate job didn’t really matter.

Winter is hard too, like we’re just waiting for bed time after school. Spring and summer we do garden activities and go
for walks after school.

I get the being sad. It is sad to move on from that stage and given you have said you can't have any more children it must weigh heavier. I really hope in time you feel better. Much love to you.

I know I am very lucky. But it's four times the heartache. Not sure I'm going to cope with the leaving for uni another three times! I have done 4 lots of potty training and 4 lots of teething.....

It is really hard so not much point in pretending it's not, but my third son is disabled so I do a lot of looking back and feeling sad, wanting time to stop, to go back in time. The thing that helps is thinking it could be worse if I'd chosen xyz instead of whatever I'm pining after.

So yes maybe you could delay dc school start or home Ed, or had six kids. But every different choice there would be a different outcome. Which might have been even worse.

There's lots of nice things to come too. Watching them do plays in school, making new little chums. Besides if everything stays the same we would miss out on so much. Like when th are y teenagers and come find you at midnight to start a heavy conversation on politics just as you are going up to bed!

It's not worse or better. It's just differe, and each stage is lovely. But it's feeling they are slipping away. It's hard.

My youngest started school and my first few weeks of days off without were hard - I really missed our little routines. But I've created a new routine I love - this week I even got to sit down and watch a whole hour of TV before pick up time! I am looking forward to lovely spring and summer afternoons in the garden together though!

So bringing up a toddler isn’t adult or responsible. I see

@Ionlydrinkcokeafewtimesperyear it is hard; I think I’ll be a mix of elated and bereft when my dd starts school. It’s definitely a seismic change and all you can do is let yourself slowly adjust, being kind to yourself in the process

OP, this is so hard, but you really need to make yourself your priority, look at any and every group in your area.
For my my friend whom felt like tou, she got involved with every grouping, council etc that involved her child.
She was brilliant and kept her boundaries tight, so was never exploited in her volunteering.
It was great. She has really great friends, including me. Great woman.

It is sad when a stage you’ve loved comes to an end. It doesn’t help to say don’t be sad that it’s ending, be happy that it happened - but it does sound like you gave your daughter a beautiful life before she started school and she and you will always remember that feeling of being together.
What are your work hours, do you get to do any pick ups at all? If so tell yourself lighter evenings are coming and so are the opportunities for park visits, ice cream trips, maybe even after school dates with friends? If not after school, at the weekends? Spring will be brighter.

@Ionlydrinkcokeafewtimesperyear I really empathise, I too only have one DD and was unable to have any more. She started school nursery at 3 but I still had her on Fridays, and I finished work at 3 so I had that time with her.

Reception she was in every day but again I finished at 3 so it didn’t feel quite as bad although I do remember the feelings you’re describing.

Shes halfway through year 1 now and I’m used to it and don’t think about it much, but I’d give anything to go back!