I don’t want this life, I want my old one.

[Ionlydrinkcokeafewtimesperyear]

Dd is now at school and i’m back to work almost full time (one day off a week)
I went to the shopping mall type place today and felt so sad. I used to regularly take Dd, go for a coffee, play places, choose her new, gorgeous clothes to buy. Every day was something nice ti do and somewhere to go or we’d stay in and do crafts or play in the garden, read, bake etc. Even walking the dog isn’t the same, memories of her running in front in her wellies in the fields, now is just Ddog and I, no little chatter beside me.
I miss my mum group too, we’d regularly meet at play grounds and became close, now everyone is back at work.
They were the best days, I wish they hadn’t ended, things just seem grey and stressful and boringly work based

I was really depressed for quite a while when my youngest started full time at school for similar reasons so I get it. Sometimes you can't help but have a preference when it comes to a life stage even when you are making a sincere attempt to look for the good in each stage.

I think there is a silent grief that not many people speak about

• returning to work after maternity leave after spending every day with your baby
• your child starting nursery / school and not having the same amount of time with them to do the things you used to do
• being grateful for the child/children you do have but secretly wishing you had more
• your children growing up, needing you less and one day moving out

All of these things are valid. It is part of parenthood and millions will go through these feelings every year. You’re not alone. You don’t need to “grow up and get a life” like some comments have insinuated…

Your child is still so little at 5. There is so much more fun to be had. Can you perhaps utilise your time a bit better so that weekends are for family fun time, soft play, coffee trips like the good old days?

The fun time is definitely not over just because you’re back to work and DD is in school

maybe you need a different job? I’ve had good jobs and bad jobs and regardless of kids, good jobs don’t feel grey and stressful

You can still meet up with your mum’s group. We have a monthly dinner party, we go to the same gym and meet up there and chat in the jacuzzi, i go for walks on my day off with a friend too. You need to have your own life. Separtauin is hard, you dont want to put that butden on your DD. Counselling or psychoanalysis could help too

I know what you mean.
I get teary at playgrounds with my youngest because I miss the days when my elder child was with us all the time.
Have another baby!

All those people saying have another baby are rather insensitive. The OP has addressed that in her posts.

OP it was also the best time of my life (so far!). I have a good job but loved being at home more. However I know I need a pension and other boring things like that so I went back part time when my DC was 1. She is a bit older now and all I’d say is don’t miss out on the present by constantly looking back. Take her to feed the ducks, to the shops, swimming at the weekend. She will love it.

Also think being a working a mum is a really good example to set. I want my DC to be independent and do well in life, not be reliant on someone else to then divorce them later on.

Sometimes I really do wonder where these critical harridans come from, spoiling this site with their nasty bitter opinions.

Are you able to book time off in school holidays so you can enjoy the routine again? I co-parented a GC from birth and am going through your emotions all over again now they're 17 and dating! 💐

You’re no better with sexist, ageist insults

Just don’t try and reconnect with any childless/childfree friends you couldn’t be bothered with when you had your children now you don’t have anything else to do.

These are the points in your life changes. Empty nest is a big one too. Find a job you enjoy, or start a business. Take up a hobby, join a group to get you away from the stresses of day to day life. My daughter joined a running group for ladies. It was evening so I sat my grandson on the days dad was working. It gave her an outside interest and something else to think about.

I hear you, but you will definitely adjust. What can you do for you with this time? A swim, a massage, a haircut....?

Mine are 29 and 27 now, and they left home in 2015 & 2016. Whilst I found the empty nest strange at first, I have definitely found the old me again and am embracing the freedom. We have very grown up holidays and have a very exciting retirement planned.

I didn’t mention age anywhere, nor would I.

Wikipedia

Harridan, stereotype of an unpleasant, belligerent, imperious woman;

If you're struggling now, not sure how you'll cope when they leave home.
If you look around you'll notice the world is becoming a very very dark place. The tides are shifting and we need to be strong and not to falter at the first earliest minor inconvenience.
Focus on the present and stop moaning.

God people are horrible sometimes.

Totally get you, OP. There are phases of parenting that are more pleasant than others, and you're missing one of them. It's lovely that you have those memories of that time, and why wouldn't you miss it?

It is sad but each age brings an amazing new stage and memories. You have lots to look forward too

Sorry?

I don’t understand 😔

Moaning?!

There are some absolutely horrible people on this thread. But I suppose it's easy to be nasty behind the safety of a screen...

But equally, be thankful you’ve had that once. I’d give anything for that….

I don’t mean that you aren’t allowed to grieve the loss of that time, of course you are. But don’t spend time comparing to people who’ve been through it more than once. Because some of us will never get the opportunity to do that once.

It’s just stages of life op. There is so much fun to be had yet though! You sound like a great mum who loves spending time with her daughter. You have many more memories still to make.

My DS now happy settled in Reception at Thomas's Clapham had an offer from Alleyn's Oakfield for an assured place into Alleyn's senior at Y7 . Oakfield is a recently acquired prep school by Alleyn's (Dulwich) ,a sister school as it states to Alleyn's Junior. He is happy at Thomas's and we concider it a fantastic school with excellent facilities. Alleyn's Oakfield will undergone a huge refurbishment the next couple of years and realistically it might need some time to completely match Alleyn's junior academic standards. It seems that Thomas's is a more stable option right now but ithe all through offer is hard to ignore, he might not be that lucky at 11+. We live in Peckham so commuting would be the roughly the same. Opinions?

My DS now happy settled in Reception at Thomas's Clapham had an offer from Alleyn's Oakfield for an assured place into Alleyn's senior at Y7 . Oakfield is a recently acquired prep school by Alleyn's (Dulwich) ,a sister school as it states to Alleyn's Junior. He is happy at Thomas's and we concider it a fantastic school with excellent facilities. Alleyn's Oakfield will undergone a huge refurbishment the next couple of years and realistically it might need some time to completely match Alleyn's junior academic standards. It seems that Thomas's is a more stable option right now but ithe all through offer is hard to ignore, he might not be that lucky at 11+. We live in Peckham so commuting would be the roughly the same. Opinions?