I don’t want this life, I want my old one.

[Ionlydrinkcokeafewtimesperyear]

Dd is now at school and i’m back to work almost full time (one day off a week)
I went to the shopping mall type place today and felt so sad. I used to regularly take Dd, go for a coffee, play places, choose her new, gorgeous clothes to buy. Every day was something nice ti do and somewhere to go or we’d stay in and do crafts or play in the garden, read, bake etc. Even walking the dog isn’t the same, memories of her running in front in her wellies in the fields, now is just Ddog and I, no little chatter beside me.
I miss my mum group too, we’d regularly meet at play grounds and became close, now everyone is back at work.
They were the best days, I wish they hadn’t ended, things just seem grey and stressful and boringly work based

My DC are grown up now, and each stage had its joys and its difficulties. But one stage I loved was going to stay in London with DD from when she was about 8 or 9. We used to stay in a small hotel near Paddington, go to TopShop, go to the V&A to see the fabulous jewellery, in go to shows... You have things like that to look forward to!

Slightly off the point, but if you can afford it you are entitled to 4 weeks unpaid parental leave each year until your child is 18. So in addition to annual leave you can take 4 weeks more off to be with your DD in school holidays.

Aw OP, your post made me tear up, I totally understand.

I went back to work after 13 months with my DD but I still have a day off with her, and she also gets to spend 2 days with her grandparents which is really lovely.

I have recently been thinking about her starting school - she's 3 now but autumn-born so won't start until next September - and the realisation that she wouldn't be around any weekdays anymore was really tough.

I remember just after returning to work, I used to get so upset seeing people walking round tesco with toddlers in their trolleys or even just seeing them in the park together, I used to think how lucky they were and how I wished I could have been able to spend more time with mine when she's so little, like my mum was able to with me.

It does get better, I don't really think about it now as our routine has just become the norm and I actually enjoy having time to myself, albeit at work. But I know I will struggle when she starts school, it already feels like the end of a special era I had been waiting for my whole life.

Much love to you x

I have two and was a SAHM until my youngest started school and I have moments where I think like you. Those days were just so lovely and easy, so many lovely memories and I’m so glad I had the chance to have all that time off with them.
Back at work now and parenting older kids and it’s different but lovely in a different way. Each stage I think you mourn but the next stage then starts and has its own good bits.

OMFG... Life goes on.. kids get older...deal with it.. get a hobby

Wow

Sorry if already asked- have you definitely settled on "one and done"? I realise there can be a multitude of issues behind that. But it sounds like you'd like to go again?

I can’t have more 😔

Solidarity and hugs OP. Mine are now 6 and 10 and I STILL well up at the sight of a toddler holding their Mum's hand in Tesco. Those slow, lazy days with pre-schoolers were the best time of my life. Feeding the ducks, visiting the library, finding new parks to visit. I'm desperate for more DC, but can't for various reasons. Now I work four days a week in a job I would happily leave tomorrow if I could, and just feel constantly stressed juggling the school run/work/after school clubs. Life just feels a bit sad and pointless at the moment. I would give anything to do it all again and am bitterly jealous of people who can have as many DC as they would like.

Totally get it. However I have a teen now and I really miss the primary school years so try and cherish them too, they are also very special in their own way.

There is lots of fun ahead, things you can do on weekends, with the mum friends you got on with, and in the holidays of course.

I think that when you have done it more than once you feel like you've had your money's worth.

You are fortunate to have had time, but, yes, it's still shit having to go back to work and missing the things you enjoyed, more so if you can't have a second child. It's two big changes it's no wonder you are struggling to adjust.

Why are you shaping your life and entire identity around your daughter?

Aww OP I know how you feel, when you have one not by choice, it’s so hard struggling with knowing each stage is the last time you’ll be able to experience it. I feel the same.

But like everyone else says there are so many happy memories ahead. Feel these feelings, but try to look forward too.

Also you want to be a good role model to your daughter - as someone with a full, happy life outside of her. Try your best to tend to yourself and your own life/interests too.

I've only got one and I understand what you mean. I went back to work when she was 9 months old, I wanted the best of both worlds and felt that her being with a child minder then nursery (mixing with other people/children) was good for her. There was no big change when she started school and now she's at Uni but commuting. It's hard to accept that they need you less as they grow up, you feel the pull on the heart strings every time there's a change - that's what being a mum is all about, showing her the way. You've got years to enjoy her, just make the most of it x

Grow up, for goodness sake.
You are an adult, are your not? Start acting like one.

Try not to be everything from your own perspective. OP doesn’t have to stifle her wistful feelings because of your life.

You can’t carry on the maternity leave jolly forever unless you’re loaded. That’s life.

You’re fortunate to get a day off in the week.

It’s nothing compared to when they leave for university. Start to build friendships as you are going to need them.

Have more children?

Is your hobby being nasty on the internet?

It’s hard having to deal with all the juggling and trade-offs but 4 day week doesn’t sound too bad (30 hours?) so maybe you will get used to it.
I went up and down in hours a bit over the years trying to find the right balance with time to do stuff, my own mental health, being with the kids, having an interesting and engaged work life and bringing in enough money as a single parent where there was no state help. I reckoned 25 hours or about 0.7 was about the optimum !!

Sorry was also thinking this.