I don’t want this life, I want my old one.

[Ionlydrinkcokeafewtimesperyear]

Dd is now at school and i’m back to work almost full time (one day off a week)
I went to the shopping mall type place today and felt so sad. I used to regularly take Dd, go for a coffee, play places, choose her new, gorgeous clothes to buy. Every day was something nice ti do and somewhere to go or we’d stay in and do crafts or play in the garden, read, bake etc. Even walking the dog isn’t the same, memories of her running in front in her wellies in the fields, now is just Ddog and I, no little chatter beside me.
I miss my mum group too, we’d regularly meet at play grounds and became close, now everyone is back at work.
They were the best days, I wish they hadn’t ended, things just seem grey and stressful and boringly work based

It’s ok to grieve this and miss it. Im dreading the time theses data come to and end.

I think your feelings must be amplified by you wanting more babies but not being able to have them - a new stage isn’t just a change, it’s the last time you’ll be able to do it. I have three kids and bigger changes were definitely hardest with the youngest.

its fine and normal to want to go back to times that were special but this doesn’t mean it will always feel as bleak. You might not be able to spend every day with her but you will see her become more independent, how she is with friends, how she learns and who she grows up to be. And along the way will be many many special moments, even if your time together is less.

See I'd say you were lucky to have had that once. I had DD and then DS in under two years, and whilst I adored them, DS has adhd and it meant we never had calm and fun in the way you describe with your DD. It was always constant and unrelenting chaos, with DS running off or screaming or climbing something terrifying.

I think this might be more about you than anything. Do try and seek out some fun in your life in the times without DD.

It's bloody hard, and it goes so fast, you barely have the time to enjoy it.

It will pass, and you will soon you are in a new stage, which is different, but just as good. In some ways, life gets a lot easier as they get older, and they get smarter, and funny in a different ways

I feel sorry for all these mothers who post everywhere how they dread school holidays and having the kids at home, they are missing out on so much.

DC1 is early thirties, whilst DC3 has just turned 19 (DC2 is aged 21, they're full siblings). Due to the age gap I felt like I got a experience motherhood twice. I say this because I felt like all the innocent magical moments had passed with DC1 by the time DC2 came along, the belief in Father Christmas, even the tooth fairy and Easter bunny. I realised how quickly those years flew by, that the times I enjoyed most, such as the Nativity would only be during the infant and nursery years.

When DC2 was born I savoured all those times and lived far more in the moment, rather than looking to the next milestone.

I think after so many years of school runs I was ready for them to end. What I can say now is I adore spending time with my now adult DC. It is different, but equally lovely.

I have a life limiting condition and am grateful to have been able to be a guide in their lives for the whole of their childhoods. To see the people DC have become is a blessing.

If you're fortunate there are so many things to look forward to. From things such as all passing their driving tests, exams, succeeding in their professional and personal lives, etc. Watching DC1 marry his teenage sweetheart a couple of years ago in a private ceremony and celebrating with just eight guests is a memory I will always treasure. They had a huge 'wedding' a fortnight later but that tiny personal day was amazing.

Every year brings joy. I must admit I shed a tear when DC3 went off to university, but was incredibly proud she aced her A levels to win her place. The highlight of last year was the birth of our first GC. They live close enough that we already have a lovely bond and now I'm looking forward (with DS and DIL's permission) to witness all the lovely parts of her childhood.

My advice would be not to mourn what has passed, cherish what you have and look forward to all that the future will bring.

It is hard. Treasure the memories, it's wonderful to have had that time.

Oh...my son has just come home after his part time job that X's mum is doing a curry night for 6 of them so they are all going over to his.
They live 3 minutes away.
She does this regularly.

She has one son, they are friends 18 years, she's lovely, a great cook, and my son 100% loves her more than any of our relatives that live 90 minutes + away.

Be that house that your childs friends love.
I did that with mine and it really served me well.

I feel the same way.

My son started Reception in September, after nearly 5 years at home together. We were in such a great routine, he went to pre school for a couple of days and I had time to get stuff done so we could really enjoy our days together.

We had so many adventures, and lovely slow mornings at home with no rush to be anywhere.

I miss him all the time. I'm going back to work but I everywhere I go, I'm reminded of our days. I only get the rush of the morning and the wind down of the evening now.

I really wish that period didn't have to end. I'm even looking forward to grandchildren in about 30 years so I can have a little taste again!

Wish I could go back to my old life too, although it didn't involve kids. I used to be mega fit and a dancer and martial artist, and now I'm trying to save up for a wheelchair I can't afford but will mean I can at least get out on the less mobile days! Life changes suck whatever they are, especially when it's due to something beyond our control, sending you hugs Op.

I felt like this too.
I missed the freedom, i missed spending time and being there for DC, I missed my mum friends , I missed not being torn by conflicting priorities, I felt guilty, felt id abandoned my youngest and wasnt there for her like her older siblings for whom id be able to.more easily arrange play dates ,after school activities and always be at every assembly and around during school holiday, having to juggle childcare was tough at times.
Financially going back to work was the right thing to do , and i did enjoy my job, but it was tough.
I think I went through a period of mourning for my old life and had a twinge whenever i saw mums and toddlers together .
You will adjust , life moves on, and nothing lasts forever, there are lots of stages to parenthood and childhood .
But your feelings are totally relatable and understandable.

My children are grown up now. I can honestly say I enjoyed every part of their childhood, and still do. Plus now I have the bonus of grandchildren.

I sympathise OP but you do still have the good days, they’ve just evolved a bit. You see your DD every day and you can still do things together at weekends. She still speaks to you without you having to ‘book’ her time first. There’s no point in looking back, it’s a recipe for sadness.

I sympathise, but remember you are in a transition phase. I remember going for a coffee alone once my DC were in school and feeling very ‘what was I made for?’ about it all, esp when I saw the mums with babies and toddlers. But 10 years on, the teenage years are a blast!

Also - I changed careers once my kids were a bit older, to work with young people, and it was an injection of joy and purpose into my life. Although the kids I work with are not mine, they bring so much happiness and laughter every day. And I get the school holidays off now with my kids, which is fab. If work is not giving you joy, and a change is feasible, it’s something to consider?

This is actually (sorry) an uplifting thread for me. My newborn is currently screaming the house down and I'm wishing that time would speed up and she'd be older and through this phase.

So it's lovely to see all of the messages on this thread from people who want to go back. It gives me a bit of perspective.

I've been telling DC1 (who is 23) a lot recently what a happy time to was when it was just the 2 of us. We met up friends, went to a singing group, the pool, the library and did cookery and craft at home.

Its probably just worse because of the time of year. School ends at 3.30 and in a couple of months things will be lighter and warmer and you can start doing walks or trips to the park after school. You've still got so many years of childhood left to enjoy.

What a truly beautiful post ❤️

I was almost 60 and exclaimed to my mum how old I’d gotten - and how how rapidly that happened.
”I can’t believe how old I got so fast!!”
I was whining to the only person in the world who still semi-tolerated my whining.
”TRY BEING 92!!!”
I never uttered a peep to my mum about feeling old again.
She lived for four more years and I miss her sass.

I totally understand where you're coming from OP, those preschool years with my little ones were the happiest time of my life. I felt quite bereft when my youngest started school, I so missed his company and funny chatter! I got involved in school activities, helped in school a lot listening to readers & doing crafts, cooking, painting etc and then became a dinner lady! It meant that I got to see my kids in the day, even for just a wave or a quick chat!

Not too long now until spring and you'll be able to go to the park etc with your little one after school and do fun things. And it is lovely to see them making friends and becoming more and more independent. Mine are all adults now and still my favourite people to spend time with ☺️

Could you adopt another child? Or you could do child minding or fostering?

Me too but for quite different reasons but you know that old clock can’t go back again so we have to find another way to look at time. Very hard but hopefully not impossible. Hugs

You're not unreasonable but go find something to do! There's so much life to live out there.

Personally I felt it more when elder DS started high school so I had another baby 😅 DD is now getting towards that age and I plan to get a dog! 🐕

Maybe I'm unusual, but I found work less stressful than spending the whole day with a toddler. I could get a drink or go to the toilet without worrying that whilst I was away, one of my colleagues would climb on to a table and jump off it!

I love my DD, but life is easier now she's at school. We still get to spend time together and I particularly enjoy our summer outings.

i wish i could say it gets better but sadly not. Mine are almost grown but my phone constantly reminds me of when they were tiny and it takes me back 15 years. Feels like yesterday.

you do learnt to embrace every stage- my particular favourite was 5 until 9. That was the sweet spot. They are still adorable obviously but they are now young adults so your relationship adapts and changes as they prepare to fly the nest.

I wouldn’t want to go back to having a toddler now - too much hard work. I have got used to being an unencumbered adult again but I do get so nostalgic about the cuddles and the parks and the cuteness.