I don’t want this life, I want my old one.

[Ionlydrinkcokeafewtimesperyear]

Dd is now at school and i’m back to work almost full time (one day off a week)
I went to the shopping mall type place today and felt so sad. I used to regularly take Dd, go for a coffee, play places, choose her new, gorgeous clothes to buy. Every day was something nice ti do and somewhere to go or we’d stay in and do crafts or play in the garden, read, bake etc. Even walking the dog isn’t the same, memories of her running in front in her wellies in the fields, now is just Ddog and I, no little chatter beside me.
I miss my mum group too, we’d regularly meet at play grounds and became close, now everyone is back at work.
They were the best days, I wish they hadn’t ended, things just seem grey and stressful and boringly work based

To put life in perspective, you still only work four days a week.

I do get that you miss your days filled with shopping and playing and cappuccinos with all your mummy friends and I don't blame you. It sounds lovely.

Not sure if it extends enough for me to feel sorry for you. Bills need to be paid.

I’m with you, op. Time with your child when they are young is a blessing.

My only advice would be that it continues. My kids are young adults I now and I feel as you do about every stage- toddlers, pre-schoolers, school children, teens. I’d give anything for one more day with them at 6 or 9 or 11 or 16. The right lesson to take is to try to focus on the present.

It's no different with grandchildren. We have five all primary school age. They're gorgeous just now so sweet and affectionate. I'm dreading the secondary level when they'll outgrow us.

The circle of life I try to think.

I totally empathise OP. I was very lucky to be able to be home with my DC until they were 3 and it was joyful. Even that first year of maternity was bliss. Waking up, singing songs, playing cars, pootling about together. There's nothing like it.

Oh and if you really embrace other children and love and entertain their friends, you are definitely cheating a much wider family for yourself.

In my life my children made so many friends but sone of the parents of these children are now my dearest friends, despite our children having moved on.

I met some core women in MY life tribe, through random friends of my children from 20 years ago.

Get involved would be m advice in every thing your child is interested in.

Ah OP I totally empathise, I left my job after a few months of returning from mat leave and found a new part time job in my field (job share) 2 days a week, so had 3 days a week with my LO. Lots of days out, bought a national trust membership and my Mum was alot more mobile so took her out alot with us, loads of great memories.

When he started reception it was really hard, we moved house from a small done up house into a larger fixer upper literally weeks before he started school and everything turned into a massive stress. I missed those days out with him but also my Mum's health started going down hill. I'm also in my 40s, so one and done, and my Mum had me late so she's now in her 80s so I have to work and also look after 2 generations and my LO is so tired after school too now, he really gets a bit nostalgic for the carefree days. Full time school is a hard transition for him and he's in yr1. Hoping it gets easier.

Weird thing to say. OP was already a responsable adult when she was home with her child.

Take her out of school and home school her then

You have a lot to look forward to OP. Nativity plays, sports days, playing fun games with your child and going on holidays. Not having your days dictated by naps and nappies.
And getting your identity back and having more adult stimulation.
Life's not over - it's just beginning.

Life's not over - it's just beginning.
It doesn't seem like it, OP but it is. You're watching the flower grow now and it's amazing. Wonderful times ahead of you both.

Would it be realistic to be a SAHM permanently? If not YANBU to miss it but you just have to work for a living. Most people do. I have a friend gone back FT after mat leave, it's reality unfortunately.

Personally I found trailing around doing little boring. Having dc about is still work. If I could do fuck all I would do but I like having security and nice things, especially holidays. So I work.

Sometimes I feel like you and then it gets to spring/ summer and I realised I had seasonal depression and just needed vitamin D.

Your old stage was lovely, and you’ve mentioned beautiful moments in which you were truly present with your daughter and friends. Maybe think about things you enjoy that you can introduce into this new season of life that will make it different to but just as exciting as the last.

Perhaps create a new fun tradition after school for you and DD. When my kids were lower primary our tradition was going to the park every day after school any day it wasn’t raining. My park mum friends then became the faces I saw more than my mat leave / nursery mum friends. Now they’re are a bit older that’s been replaced by endless after school clubs but in the summer we still head out for those late evening walks / football in the park. We still have surprise pancake dinners/ just dance battles/ art sessions after school.

You’re right, I think at the moment because it’s dark and rainy, we just come home, homework, dinner, bed

I know what you mean, it just feels pointless going back to work after you’ve had that experience and time.

I felt that way for a long time to be honest. Years. So I ended up getting a term time only job so that I could at least replicate it all during the holidays.

I don’t feel that way anymore though, they’re all in secondary. I guess life moves on. It’s nice you cherished it, a lot of women regret that they didn’t feel entirely present during the early years for whatever reason. Sounds like you were fully present.

Yes, pointless, that’s it and my job is a rewarding one, it’s just feels so much less rewarding, it was just a lovely way of life. Trying to concentrate now on saving some of the extra money earned for a trip away-to Disney Paris or Lapland etc

I was really sad when my eldest started school, he was my little best mate and we did everything together. What time do you start work? We used to go for a very early breakfast near school every now and then that first year to keep that brunch tradition going.

I do understand, but try to enjoy this time as much as you can too. She's got most of her childhood ahead of you. There are lovely things you can do on your day off and in the holidays as she gets older and more adventurous - visiting cities and going to museums and shows, trips to the beach, trying new food, doing art together, cooking etc. Snuggling up in front of the fire for pizza and a movie.

I was really relieved when mine went to school… this thread is making me think I’m an outlier. I love my DD more than anything but she’s a handful at the best of times. She also loves school.

OP it’s just a different season, I’m sure there will be new things to look forward to.

Oh my goodness.
i totally understand, i resented school so much for the first couple of years at least. My twins were my first, my last and my only, it went too fast.
It's a grieving process, don’t try and fight it, it will be ok. You are a brilliant mummy.
Keep remembering the memories

Beautifully put, I know just how you feel. Henrik Ibsen (the Norwegian playwright, watch the current season of plays on BBC TV) once said that “we only own that forever which we have lost”. It puzzled me forever until I thought “memories”, that’s what he meant. You are so lucky to have those memories. Forever

It's ok to feel a bit sad - it just means you had a lovely time. Try to find more lovely times - there will be lots. You will have tons of school holidays coming up, lighter evenings. DC will get older and bed time will get later so you will have more evenings together. And you have a day off every week to either do something nice for yourself (relaxing, a project, a hobby whatever) and/or race round and get jobs done so you have more time clear at the weekend with your child.

It’s normal to feel bit lost, but there is so much to look forward to ahead
Just another chapter x

TBF, you're lucky to get one day a week off to pick her up from school. I loved those times, but I also loved the days when I had to pick them up from childcare, feeling like a mother-hen, as I drove home.

Every stage is a pleasure, that you will look back on with yearning. Just enjoy each one as it happens.

Ah yea its though when those early years are past. But I bet she's having a lovely time at school, making friends learning new things, soon she'll be coming in with all sorts of stories to tell you and seeing them learn all the new skills is brilliant. She'll soon be getting invited to parties at weekends and joining clubs that you'll get to see and meet new mums. It's different but not less good in this new exciting stage

Its true that children go to school young in the UK. Why shouldn't a parent want to spend days eith their 4 or 5..or even 6 year old and not just willingly swap it for tired after school time.

I find it odd that some posters are tellinf you its natural for kids to move on..I dont particularly think its natural for a 5 year old to spend so much timr away from their parents but it is how we do it in the UK
I would suggest trying to work in a way that you can have all the holidays and after school hours as often as possible

What is true is the holidays are long ! You will get used to it.