Small town problems!

[Givenup2026]

as I don’t have that many friends, I’m trying out myself out there. There’s a FB group where people post and organise meet-ups. Somebody posted about meeting this Saturday, and I was one of the first ones to reply.

For better or for worse, my friend (who I’m trying to extend / separate) my non existent friend group also replied. So then I had to separately message the organiser telling her I really wanted to go but won’t go anymore to avoid any awkwardness. I also explained there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her and she’s lovely but I just want a completely separate friend group.

i talked to my DH and 15yo and they both agreed it would had been awkward to attend, but that considering we’re in a smallish town, it will
keep happening. So I could try and have an open and frank conversation with her, but that it would invariably misconstrued.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? They also seemed like a proper party crowd (the organiser even told me she is) and that’s something that I’m looking for.

of course I could go and semi ignore her but I think it would be worse!

You think your husband should have said something, but not that you should have said something? To defend your son?

We have an arrangement that we don’t necessarily get involved with each other kids in that sense. To me it felt it was more his place as it’s technically his son (he’s technically my stepson who I do love dearly, so I do regret it).

Go and be yourself. Don’t ignore her, be your normal self but there’ll likely be lots of other people there too so plenty of other people to chat to. You might even meet a small group who are like you and you won’t need to include her in future. I probably wouldn’t tell her you were going nor sit down next to her when I got there. I think the potential benefits of going outweigh the costs. You’ve just cut off your nose to spite your face imo.

Unfortunately she lives near you and goes to everything, she’s going to this and you can’t change that. They were never going to say she couldn’t come off the back of your message.

I feel your pain, I have a neighbour who is like that too, I really dislike her but she’s in every group chat, bored and wants to do everything. I just go along to group things and don’t ignore her but don’t initiate individual conversation either. Yeah I can’t relax 100% but the alternative is I sit at home with a baby on my own. Hoping eventually we’ll form smaller friendship groups with those we have more in common with and I don’t have to see her anymore. Might happen for you too.

Thank you! And I know I have no right to be annoyed by that doesn’t make me feel any less annoyed!

I just need to figure out my outfit, it’s a shame it’s raining as I was going to wear my faux fur coat, so a parka will have to do!

So... your stepson is gay but because he's not your actual son, you don't mind your friend making homophobic remarks.

Your husband makes racist comments about your friend and also defends his mother's racism against you, but hey ho, shrug, whatever, right?

You and your husband both think that you should stay friends with someone even though she hates your son, because it's nice to have friends.

Meanwhile, you are creeping around your stepson and his friends, encouraging your 15 year old (step?)daughter to see cocaine use as fun and normal, and going about pretending to be a teenager yourself.

You tried to get your friend kicked out of an open-invite event because it made it awkward for you (although at this point, you hadn't dripfed the homophobia and were still describing her as a lovely person).

You are worried that you can't make friends because you need to act out a different character in order to be more like the people you are with at any given moment.

Have I missed anything? Oh, your husband dresses head to foot in Hollister, for reasons unknown.

Has it ever occurred to you, OP, that you might find it hard to make friends because of... all of that? I think I would find you very uncomfortable company.

No, you’re misquoting / misconstruing a lot of the stuff.

Again, I’ve been able to make friends in other settings just not local settings.

anywho, I still have to thank you for reading the thread, there’s 18 pages of it!

This is such an odd thread.

I had no idea that people think this way, OP..

I don't think I am misconstruing what you've said. Although I'll admit that sometimes the way you express yourself is quite confusing and muddled to my ears, so maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean.

Either way, YABU.

☝️🤌👏👏👏

Why don't you just be you?!
If she can't deal with it, then she can find a way to cope.
You never know, she may be in the same boat and really need to have a great time too?!
You never really know what others are dealing with despite what they say on the surface!
Just be you! Maybe even involve her! You might be surprised.

Sorry if my comment above is now irrelevant as the conversation has moved on. If it is, do ignore 🫣