Absolutely worn out, two bed wetters - please help!!

[pandarific]

Hi all, looking for some wisdom please because I’m absolutely shattered.

I’ve a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old, both neurodivergent, and we’re really struggling with night-time wetting. It’s inconsistent, which is what’s confusing us — they can be dry when staying with Nana or when we’re away, but at home they regularly wet the bed. Sometimes both of them, sometimes on and off, no obvious pattern.

We already do the usual: wee before bed, and my husband lifts them for a wee around 10:30pm, but they still often pee afterwards. I’m drowning in washing and just so tired.

I’m looking for anything that helped others:
• things that actually reduced night-time wetting
• alarms / products that worked (or didn’t)
• mattress protectors / bedding hacks to reduce laundry
• anything ND-specific that made a difference
• reassurance if this is just one of those phases

No shaming please — we’re not angry at them at all, just exhausted and trying to problem-solve. If something worked for your child, I’d love to hear it. Even small wins would help right now.

Thank you

This is a wonderful charity and there is a lot of good information here eric.org.uk/childrens-bladders/bedwetting/

Solidarity here, my 9 year old ND is the same and her sister appears to be going the same way.

We've been through Eric and the Drs, tried literally everything but there is nothing to be done until the hormone kicks in which can be anytime up to 15. Both mine wear nighttime pull-ups for thier age (available in Tesco on the shelf to highlight that this is standard and way more normal than you think)

We've done everything with alarms and refusing intake and wees and lifting and none of it makes any difference.

We use a mattress protector sheet, bed pad then a normal fitted sheet but still end up doing the beds when it floods at least twice a week.

It varies by area but my gp has now done a referral for an ultrasound for the eldest once she turned 9 to check everything looks ok and it isn't a medical issue but the fact she's dry in the day says it's probably fine and we just have to wait it out.

It's exhausting.

We have a six year old who wears pull ups at night. Alarm abandoned. Just a case of waiting for the hormone.
Sending a hand hold.

None of my children were ND and they all were dry at night late. One of them was 9. Youngest was maybe 5. Night nappies. We did use an alarm for the 9 year old because he wanted to go on school camp.

The alarm worked really well. It meant he would wake up to go to the toilet. Iirc he stopped getting up in the night at about 11, which is when I guess the magic hormone kicks in. So I guess you have 2 choices, use an alarm so they learn the trigger to wake up, or wait fir the night time hormone.

I’m sorry, it was a long time ago, I forget the name of the alarm. But the trick was to LEAP out of bed as soon as you heard it, and be able to wake your child mid-wee. Took about 2 weeks I think.

Bed pants… They go up to age 14 i think

My youngest was 9, also has adhd. I asked the GP for a referral to the paediatric incontinence service and the referral guidelines insist on trialling an alarm for a month first.

I was utterly convinced an alarm would do nothing, but tried one of the pants-alarms and it worked!! Took a couple of weeks, and we.all hated being wrenched from sleep multiple times a night, but he's been dry since!

I got the alarm kit second hand on ebay, then sold it on after.

Constipation can affect things, so maybe check that’s not compounding things.

It’s very normal to not be dry at night at those ages. I’d recommend using pull ups so that everyone gets a good night sleep and you reduce the amount of washing.

Time definitely helps. Some children just take many more years than others to be dry at night and there’s often not much you can do that’ll be successful until their bodies are ready.

We used this with both our children https://amzn.eu/d/5etpb3F worked straight away with the eldest 9, the 7 year still has the occasional accident, both suspected ND.

Honestly? As a dr (admittedly not urology) id just like to say that it’s a Hormone issue so there is absolutely nothing wrong with your lovely children, they just don’t have the hormones yet to be dry at night, it’s completely normal. Just pop them in dry nites / get in touch with your dr if you are worried that it might be a long term issue but look at the Eric website and don’t stress

I would focus on just making sure they are dry during the day, if they are. Brilliant. Just pop a nappy / night time pant pull up on them and wait for their body to take over. They are still very little

I also kept my kids in night time nappies until they were consistently dry. I can't deal with changing bed sheets so often

Dry nites = 💤

HippyChick bed protectors were the best : pricey but both soft and effective.

We used that trick of layering the bedding to make nighttime accidents less arduous: protector, sheet, protector, sheet. So in the night you just strip off the wet sheet and protector to a dry sheet beneath. Doesn't help with the washing but makes for slightly more sleep in the night.

It's hard. Best of luck to you.

Pull ups and double - make the bed so you can strip it quickly and have a clean set underneath. Doesn’t help with washing but at least you get a bit more sleep.
I agree with pp that they don’t have the hormones yet. I believe they can be seen for bedwetting after a certain age as they can prescribe the hormone.

No advice really just some solidarity 😊When my 3 kids were little they all wet the bed and it was so stressful. They all grew out of it eventually. My eldest had a nasal spray that didn't work and alarms only worked for a short period. We tried everything (lifting, reduced fluids, night pants etc) Eventually we were advised to just wait it out as some kids don't stop until much older. DS1 stopped around 11 (in fact he was nervous about PGL, went, didnt have a single accident there and never did again) DD stopped at 11 and DS2 at 8.
We bought them all waterproof mattresses and duvets . Until we started using these we could never fully remove the ammonia smell completely despite the washer running daily and using mattress covers etc. Once the duvets had covers on you'd never know that they were waterproof.

ASD DD ( now 19), was the same. She was put on Desmopressin by the consultant, and it was very effective. She just didn’t produce the Hormone that stops you weeing in your sleep. She was on it until she was about 12.

This. You are being very hard on yourself it's not a ND thing, our boys were all late. Just use night time pants and encourage them along. It will come....... our 7 year old just uses pull ups size 8 but he is small. The media message around this is so confusing its not connected with actual toilet training.

Solidarity OP, DD was a bed wetter until about 12 and she wore pull ups because I didn't have the energy to do endless laundry (we didn't have a dryer either).

DD is NT (now 26) but she was just such a heavy sleeper, nothing would wake her - we live in New Zealand and she slept through a magnitude 7.0 earthquake. Potentially hormones played a part as well.

I started alarms/waking her when I got up to go to the loo when she started secondary, and we eventually cracked it.

Someone I know has a ND dd, who wasn’t dry at night until in her teens. Her mum used to wash the whole duvet in the cover. You can also get coverless duvets so you just wash the whole thing and they dry really fast.

My ds was reliably dry at 5, nearly 6. He is not ND. We kept him in nappies until he was. It's a hormone thing that drives being dry at night so expecting your 4 yr old to he dry yet is quite presumptuous.

For us, the alarm seemed to work initially but then they slept through it but I would say it’s worth a try. We also used a protector that went on top of the sheets. Are they drinking enough early on in the day and stretching their bladder, because this was our main issue.

If all is OK at GPs maybe it’s because they are not quite s settled and in as deep a sleep so alarms may work in that case

if all else fails, I’d resort to pull ups and wait it out.

I’d use pull ups. Friend’s 7yr old SEN child is still in pull ups. Save yourself the washing.

My 8 year old has ASD and isnt dry at night.

He wears pull ups but for leakage I prepare his bed. I do mattress protector, bottom sheet bed pad , mattress protector, bottom sheet, bed pad, mattress protector bottom sheet, bed pad. That way if he leaks, I just take one set off and the next set is already there. Which cuts the job in half because you dont have to faff around too much with new bedding.

A king-size fleecy blanket folded in half and put in the duvet cover instead of a duvet means its easier to chuck the whole thing in the washing machine

it seems like there’s already some great advice and support here. My only practical tip, which you may already be doing, is to layer up waterproof sheets and fitted sheets, so in the night you can take off the top two if needed and the bed will already be made underneath. Layer as many as you need. It takes the pressure off in the night and makes washing less urgent.

Mine are 8 and 10 both are mostly dry now but still get phased of wetting, it can be unpredictable. What we tend to do is after a wet night they wear a pullup until we are sure the wetting has stopped.

Other than that layering the sheets helps keep distribution to a minimum during the night.