Absolutely worn out, two bed wetters - please help!!

[pandarific]

Hi all, looking for some wisdom please because I’m absolutely shattered.

I’ve a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old, both neurodivergent, and we’re really struggling with night-time wetting. It’s inconsistent, which is what’s confusing us — they can be dry when staying with Nana or when we’re away, but at home they regularly wet the bed. Sometimes both of them, sometimes on and off, no obvious pattern.

We already do the usual: wee before bed, and my husband lifts them for a wee around 10:30pm, but they still often pee afterwards. I’m drowning in washing and just so tired.

I’m looking for anything that helped others:
• things that actually reduced night-time wetting
• alarms / products that worked (or didn’t)
• mattress protectors / bedding hacks to reduce laundry
• anything ND-specific that made a difference
• reassurance if this is just one of those phases

No shaming please — we’re not angry at them at all, just exhausted and trying to problem-solve. If something worked for your child, I’d love to hear it. Even small wins would help right now.

Thank you

Why are you stressing over this op? They can’t control it at those ages yet, just save yourself the hardship and but them in pull-ups. I’ve found ninjamas to be very good. Once that hormone kicks in it’ll sort itself out.

My NT child wasn't dry at night until age 7. He wore pull ups until then.

Aldi does night time pants for up to 7 year olds.

Buy extra sheets and layer them. Waterproof then fitted, the Waterproof then fitted. During the night I just whip off a layer, saves a full bed change. I also just flip the duvet if it's wet and deal with it in the morning. A few nights ago, my 6 year old wet the bed and he just pulled off the layer by himself and went back to bed.

Have you tried pelvic floor exercises with them? I had the issue when I was a child and it was the only thing that stopped it.

I would be using pull-ups. No question.

As for the bed: mattress protector that is plastic/plastic- like, then a sheet, then double thickness beach towels x2 to sleep on. I'd buy several cheaper sheets as well to layer one over the towels in case they don't stay in place.

I don't see a way around the laundry issue if the kids aren't wearing night-time protection. There's no shame in it and I don't think there is any harm in it either. Some NT kids are late bed-wetters, too. I think just keep them comfortable. My 4y is still in pull-ups at night and we call them night time underwear. 🤷‍♀️

You could also stop liquids 4 hours before bed and wake them in the middle of the night to pee.

Last resort would be medication. Ask your doctor.

I love the Lynmark bed pads on Amazon. You can buy of 2 or 4. Very absorbent and wash really well.
https://amzn.eu/d/5yIKlyr

I'd switch to a coverless blanket so you don't have additional sheets to wash in case of accidents.

amzn.eu/d/8c5mn2V

If the kids are drinking any squash at tea time please stop as that can cause additional wee trips. My kids and nephews would go so often after drinking Vimto, blackcurrant laced squashes especially.

Sorry don't have tips, but our 4 yo has similar patterns. He can be dry with a nappy for 2-3 weeks, so we remove it, it's fine for a week and then he starts wetting the bed again.

The one thing we noticed is that when he is dry he generally wakes up at night to go to the toilets. When he wets the bed, he's clearly deep asleep, so we think the main factor is that he has phases where he sleeps better/maybe is more tired.
An alarm would probably work, but he shares a room with his sister so not ideal, and we feel it's probably not urgent for a 4yo.

My 5 year old with suspected ASD is in night nappies. If they’re wetting regularly the put them in night nappies. They’re still young.

I was the bed wetter, and after years of alarms, new routines, Dr's visits and even overnight hospital stays.
It stopped being most nights when I was 13 , but I still had the odd occasion until I was 15.

Hi, i wanted to tell you about a function on my washer dryer machine. It's John Lewis brand and both washes and tumbles. It can be programmed for a wash followed by a dryer cycle. The max load for drying is less,only 4kg rather than 8kg, but I can put bed sheets in there first thing in the morning and the programme runs independently all the way through until they are bone dry. Takes a good few hours but it doesn't involve me, so it's good option if you're out of home for the morning. I have to forgo a tumble dryer sheet for softness and use washing powder in the drawer. But it's brilliant.

My eldest wasn’t dry till 9, it’s just a hormonal thing - his body didn’t wake him when he needed to wee. So he wore disposable pull-up pants.

If it was a big wee it did occasionally leak onto the bedding - we had top sheet, wee pad, waterproof cover, and then another layer of top sheet, wee pad, waterproof cover so if the bed needed changing you’d just strip off the top three layers and not have to make it again straightaway.

Even when we followed all the precautions (no liquid within 2 hours of bedtime, wee last thing), he would still wee in his sleep every night until he just stopped.

My dc have food allergies. Whenever we try to reintroduce the allergens they have night time incontinence. It's such a clear pattern I've given up trying.

I remember how exhausting this was. Even desmopressin from the GP didn’t help.

The cure for us was the alarm. It worked within a week although we kept it on for longer.

In the meantime, large washable bed mats meant that at least there was only one thing to wash and I had fresh ones handy by the bed each night.

I can’t find the exact alarm we used but it was similar to this - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wet-Stop-Bedwetting-Enuresis-Vibration-Moisture/dp/B006B8U8BG/ref=asc_df_B006B8U8BG?mcid=c38fbe3d944d32a9af6286c50c44f5f0&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697226600818&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4329371985714567942&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046754&hvtargid=pla-424802830551&psc=1&hvocijid=4329371985714567942-B006B8U8BG-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=4

I was sceptical as I thought it would just scare the child, but it worked so so well.

Pull ups. My eldest inconsistently wet the bed until he was 10 and he just wore a pull up just in case.

My four year old is NT and wears dry it’s at night time! I think most four year olds do tbh…

I echo the phases or cycles of tired/wetting, less tired/get up and go. DS was the same, it certainly took him a lot longer to be dry and night, but was really unpredictable, until we realised it was linked to how tired/deeply sleeping he was.

I love all of the kind, practical advice. parenting can be so hard sometimes.

But I’m really surprised at how common and normal this is. My kids were children in the, ahem, 80s and I can only think of one little boy of 7 who was not dry. Were w just not discussing this as parents back then? I’ve never heard of this hormone. How come the children are dry when they sleep elsewhere? Presumably they don’t sleep so soundly and grandparents or on holidays?

With my eldest we just stuck with pullups until he wanted to - you need buy-in from the child. Until he was 8 he just wasn't that worried, then we stopped being able to get the pullups big enough (non-UK) so they were uncomfortable, and he decided for himself that he wanted to try the alarm. (the one from Eric that clips on to your pants).

It worked in 3 nights - not fun - no-one, him nor me likes waking up to a screeching alarm! But it seemed to be what his body needed to train him to notice the tingling and wake up rather than continue to sleep.

Now at 15, he still basically never makes it through the night without getting up to wee, so I guess his hormone still hasn't really kicked in, but he's fine with just getting up for a wee and going back to sleep.

We took our to incontinence clinic when he was about 7/8. They laid out all the options which included giving him the medication which means he can stay dry at night. So I’d ask for a referral to get all the options.

Do you have them in night time pads and incontinence pads on the bed? That will reduce the amount of washing you need to do until you start night training.

Not much to add except it will stop one day ( our son was about 10) and buy a tumble dryer if you haven’t already . Sorry I remember it being very tiring !

I suspect ND with my DS he also had post lockdown anxiety. Re regularly wet the bed till around 8 then very occasionally til around 12 he’s now 13, anxiety free and not bed wetting. Nothing really worked beyond a few days weeks. But just to give you a perspective that these things are normal, check for any anxiety, it will get better. Buy lots of sheets and a water barrel in the back garden - chick the dirty sheets in there. Wash once a week

Desmopresin,the hormone, worked for DS. He took it from age 7, but you can get it from the GP from age 5 (I wish we'd gone to the GP earlier). I had to complete a diary for two weeks for the nurse to decide between the hormone or an alarm. It was such a relief when he stopped wetting the bed.

Two of mine weren't consistently dry at night until around 9. The other was at 3 which I guess just goes to show it's one of those things.

We didn't try anything (options seemed to be alarm or hormone), I obviously hadn't reached my cut off point for wanting to, not sure when that would be! They just wore pull ups.

One of those things... that felt like it went on a long time and now I barely remember.

My son was around 12 before he stopped wetting and we tried everything. He was on desmopressin for a good few years and that really did help but it is hard until they grow out of it.
I would say though that the advice we were given by the clinic is NOT to wake them or lift asleep for them to pee as you are teaching them to go at that time rather than allowing their body to wake them. If they are having any blackcurrant drinks or chocolate drinks stop that as it makes them pee more and at bedtime they need to double void to make sure they empty their bladder fully before sleep. Mine went to the toilet as part of the bath routine then went again just before lights out.
They do need to drink plenty in the day as someone said to stretch their bladder.You shouldn’t restrict fluids though unless they are on the medication once they have taken it.

Kylies or communitiy bed pads or similar is what you need. They are designed for elderly people who aren’t dry. They come in different sizes. I have big ones that cover most of a single bed. They hold a few litres of liquid. It doesn’t run off like a plastic sheet, easy to wash and dry as well. Available on Amazon and other places and so much better than anything that designed for children