Absolutely worn out, two bed wetters - please help!!

[pandarific]

Hi all, looking for some wisdom please because I’m absolutely shattered.

I’ve a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old, both neurodivergent, and we’re really struggling with night-time wetting. It’s inconsistent, which is what’s confusing us — they can be dry when staying with Nana or when we’re away, but at home they regularly wet the bed. Sometimes both of them, sometimes on and off, no obvious pattern.

We already do the usual: wee before bed, and my husband lifts them for a wee around 10:30pm, but they still often pee afterwards. I’m drowning in washing and just so tired.

I’m looking for anything that helped others:
• things that actually reduced night-time wetting
• alarms / products that worked (or didn’t)
• mattress protectors / bedding hacks to reduce laundry
• anything ND-specific that made a difference
• reassurance if this is just one of those phases

No shaming please — we’re not angry at them at all, just exhausted and trying to problem-solve. If something worked for your child, I’d love to hear it. Even small wins would help right now.

Thank you

@TicTac80 Thank you for your post. I remember being given a huge row for mentioning periods when my dad or brother - don’t remember which - was within earshot.

Many years ago, when Blue Peter did their annual fundraiser for a specifuc charity, the chosen one was urinary incontinence. There was a lady describing what it was like in a child-appropriate way. It’s the only collection I remember.

It’s brilliant that we can talk about these things now. I didn’t know about medication when my children were young. I lined the mattresses with bin-bags. My mum had a huge rubber sheet under me. There were no night-time pullups, only very expensive adult incontinence pants.

As for periods, I grew up ashamed and embarrassed by them. Sitting exams with the only thought in my head being would I flood when I stood up. Never being allowed an aspirin for cramps. Ended up disgusted by and ashamed of my body for most of the rest of my life.

TG these attitudes seem prehistoric now. My dc and dgc speak so openly about all that, and I’m wuite envious.

Waterproof cover over the duvet and on the sheet, then over the waterproof sheet put on a hygge waterproof pad- super soft and reusable. We have two so can in middle of night just lift wet one off and put on fresh and if duvet wet pull off cover quickly and put on another blanket to morning. We are still in pull ups here though so this is for the leak through- I’d encourage you to maybe use pull ups to save your sanity !

DS was a bed wetter up until about 7. I just put him in pull ups in the end as it got too much with all the washing. I figured that once it was time to stop, he’d tell me and he did. There’s no shame in going back to pull ups.

Tesco own brand junior plus pull ups- are great and are large . They do teenage/ adult size too!

If it’s just nighttime wetting then there is a great medication which is a game changer. With ND children often they seem not to make the hormone that triggers the body to stop making urine at night. No amount of training will work if they just are making a lot of urine. Very often they do grow into producing enough but in that difficult period where they are too big for wee to be contained in nappies but not yet making enough of the hormone, taking essentially a hormone replacement for this is brilliant. Would highly recommend.

My DD was born in 1999, so was a bed wetter throughout the 2000s, I had never heard of this hormone until recently. I never discussed it with anyone except my parents (we would stay with them) as I was too embarrassed, it was only when my DD wet the bed at my brother's that I opened up about it, his then stepson was a bed wetter so he was very understanding and offered me some advice. My mother was very judgemental, which probably didn't help the situation.

DD never did sleepovers as she was never invited, so that was never an issue.

Having said that, on school residential forms, there is a box to tick for bed wetters, so I presume it was not totally unusual back then.

My son is not ND but still wet the bed regularly until 8 when it stopped suddenly so there is hope. They need the change in hormones.

In terms of what helped, both my kids have IKEA mattresses with the full zip off cover. Son could pee through a pull up, fleece pyjamas, a sheet and string waterproof mat! The ability to strip the thick cover off the mattress was a god send and it dried quickly.

He has a pull out style bed with two mattresses. I kept both made up with waterproof sheet and fitted sheet so that in the night I could just pull one off and get him back in bed easily. Chuck the wet stuff in washer and deal with rest later. You could do similar with a mattress topper. It means all of you can get back in bed quicker.

Quick drying bedding l. Fleece is quick in winter and I had summer sets from the online home store which were cheap as chips but super soft and fast drying (and not super slippy like others I've tried).

When we went away I had two thick waterproof mats from Lidl (more like a large washable puppy pad). He was too wriggly to keep one under him as they are designed so I stitched them together.

I think mine was down to how deeply he slept. He often didn't wake even after he'd done it. When they are away from home they probably don't relax to quite the same extent.

Fingers crossed you are not too far from the eldest growing out of it.

I don't think the dream wee (is that what it was called?) the half asleep on the potty wee worked with my girls. It just encouraged then to wee while half asleep! The goal is to wake up right?

I find many of the responses here strange. This is not a problem that needs to be fixed (yet). Many children are not dry at night at 4 and quite a few are not at 7. It’s hormonal (as the dr poster upthread mentioned). Put them in night nappies. Look at the NHS/eric advice on when to seek help. I think it was around 8 the last time I looked.

My friends son wasn’t dry for a long time and the doctor said it’s absolutely normal for children to wet the bed until they are 10/11.

I remember she also had 2 layers on the bed, so one could be lifted off at night.

My very tall almost 5 year old is in pampers size 9s and she also can fit in ninjamas. Also Tesco do large sizes and if none of those fit, there are many specialist suppliers of larger sizes that your eldest could wear. They will definitely be happier and you will be if they go back to pull ups overnight. They just don’t seem ready.

Mine is 7, not ND. I was a bed wetter myself and I just don't want her to be anxious about it (I was consumed) so it's pull-ups till she doesn't need them anymore and no stress.

I do remember that she was told wearing something loose on their bottom half (if not in dry nites) can help as well, no pants etc

If this is exhausting you then just put them in nappies at night. Your GP can prescribe them to you too if cost is an issue x

Have you sought a referral to paediatric incontinence specialists for your 7yo, OP? We have done that and finally at 8 our DD is seeing someone. Contrary to the "it's just hormonal" stuff you see a lot of, there are other factors and other things you can do. (Constipation, day-time drinking of sufficient fluids so the bladder learns to stretch, overactive bladder medication etc etc.) They are great IMO and even if there's a long wait it's worth seeing them. When mine were 4 they both wet and it didn't occur to me to be an issue tbh- pull-ups all the way!

@FallowF your post was very interesting to me as we are nearly two months into using the alarm and finding it so exhausting. It's rare to see people say they used it for the full period and I have been getting very dispirited by all the posts saying it worked for their child in a week!

@AuldWeegie I hear you. My lovely mum was born in the 1940's. Things like periods and continence were certainly NOT spoken about then. My poor mum could barely discuss periods with me. It was almost seen as shameful. I was too scared to talk to her when my periods started, and I learned about period products (like tampax) from friends and teen magazines (which friends bought - I wasn't allowed to have them). And that was periods....let alone continence issues.

We do need to talk about it more. I've met people who have been too scared to leave their homes, and plan/avoid routes because of continence problems. If talking about it more it makes kids and adults feel less rubbish about themselves, and less alone. If it stops parents somehow blaming themselves (when their kids aren't dry etc). If it helps to inform people and make them feel more empowered/confident to address and manage things...then talking about it can only be a good thing. :)

Not sure if it’s been said but I used to layer a waterproof sheet then bed sheet then waterproof and bed sheet. It mean when you get up you just need to whip off the top 2 layer

or kylies are great

I don't know if they would do his size, but there used to be a product called peejamas, which are washable pyjama bottoms. They will be a lot more breathable than a pullup.

DS (who has ADHD) was a bed wetter until he was 10 and I totally understand your frustration and exhaustion with it. We went to the GP, we tried everything on the ERIC website and none of it worked - limiting drinks before bed, getting him up to pee before we went to bed, alarms which didn't wake him, pull ups, no pull ups, you name it, we tried it.

What saved at least some of my labour was bed mats, which I used to buy in bulk from Amazon (not the expensive ones for kids - these ones were for adults). I'd put two of them across his bed to cover all the area that might get wet and if I was lucky then I just had to wash the sheet.

Then, at age 10, and truly at the end of my tether we went back to the GP and asked to try Desmopressin. He was on it for three months and that seemed to train his bladder, because when we took a two-week break over Christmas he was dry and he's been dry ever since. Hallelujah!

People just didn't discuss it back then. 7yr olds didn't go for sleepovers so how would you have known?

There absolutely were plenty of kids bedwetting back the just nobody talked about it, plastic /rubber sheets were used under bed sheets to protect mattresses and a whole load of kids were 'lifted' to go to the loo when their parents went up to bed at 11pm

It’s very hard, use pads and plastic sheeting underneath the sheet, even use a thin quilt in between, there is nothing wrong with wearing a night pad/nappy though I know it’s not a regular thing.
Edit. I pee’d the bed as a child in the 80’s.

you can self refer to an enuresis clinic via the school nurse in many areas so start there.

cut out any red/purple food/drinks as riboflavin can irritate the bladder

drink lots during the day but nothing after dinner to help with bladder capacity and getting the bladder used to feeling full and knowing what to do

make the bed prep as easy as possible with layers of protective things

constipation can definitely be a factor

having a really solid bedtime routine to train the body for bed

and don’t do dream wees as that’s training the body NOT to wake up when you need a wee

2 ND kids here - youngest has been night dry since 3, the eldest still has occasional accidents at 12 (1-2 times a month, but sometimes months apart). The eldest has dyspraxia as well as autism with adhd traits and his brain-body connection has always been a challenge.

Also lots of ND kids have sleep-wake phase disorder where they struggle with sleep transitions (getting to sleep/waking up) and sleep very heavily once they get to sleep which is also a factor. My 12 yo has slept through fire alarms!

this also means that their body clock can be different which in turns means their body functions don’t switch into sleep mode when they should

Huggies Spider-Man bedtime pants (they come in age 4-7y and age 8-12y sizes) and Huggies stick-on drynites bed mats hugely decreased my laundry load. They’re in Tesco and on Amazon.
also speak to the charity ERIC if you haven’t already.(they advise not to lift children from sleep to do a wee)